The Thundering Turd Looking To Rebound

The Thundering Turd collectively dragged ass into their locker room after their disappointing 7-point loss Monday night. Everyone had their party clothes, ready to sing karaoke at Tootsie's following their expected victory. Unfortunately the game relied heavily upon the sporadic shoulders of running back Matt Forte. We, here at ESPN, were able to catch part of the locker room talk from Coach Dan Campbell. Coach Campbell said, "I never knew a Turd could stink so bad", speaking on the topic of Matt Forte's performance Monday night. Matt Forte needed an 11-point performance, which was by no means a tough task against the Swiss cheese defense of the Green Bay Packers. Forte, however, managed a shitty 3 points. Forte spoke on his performance after the game saying, "I guess the shit just hit the fan. I farted around too much in the backfield, when I should have been pushing a little harder to get all of the Turd out of myself."

Coach Campbell later commented that he had to "drop a Turd". Our reporter, Erin Andrews, told him that she would give him a moment and be back to finish the interview. Coach Campbell quickly stopped Ms. Andrews as he dropped Turd Felix Jones right in front of her. Campbell was simply flustered by Matt Forte's performance and was not even happy with the newly assigned Turd Benjarvus Green-Ellis. He immediately dropped that little Turd too. Coach Campbell finally seems satisfied with Marshawn Lynch. Speaking on his first day at practice, Lynch told reporters that he is happy to feel the warmth of such a close football team. Ms. Andrews, again placed in an awkward situation, stepped away as she saw a brown liquid running down Lynch's leg. From now on, the coaching staff won't be telling their running backs to "get some runs". They will now refer to runs as carries.

This Thundering Turd team will look to redeem themselves in Week 4 against the One-Man Wolf Pack. Coach Campbell has been working on his own version of the Wildcat formation at practice. He, and other coaches, are referring to it as the Explosive Diarrhea formation. To say the least, there will be Turds flying all over the field in Week 4. The Thundering Turd are currently the highest scoring team in the league. Coach Campbell commented on this saying, "We will continue to dump it on our opponents until they can flush us out of the pocket".

Be expecting a lot of noise and flatulence out of the Thundering Turd this week!