Opening Statement: Well what do you want me to say here……it was a tough loss to watch slip right through our hands, LITERALLY! We have realized that Monday night performances are not our specialty, as this is the second time this season that we have only needed a mediocre performance on a Monday night. The first time was when we only needed Matt Forte to put up 11 points against the Green Bay defense. This time, the blame fell into the lap of Miles Austin. We needed 6 points for a tie, or 7 for a win. Miles supplied us with 3 catches for 38 yards…….3 points!!! We just aren’t used to seeing back-to-back dud weeks out of our star wide receiver. Overall, it’s very disappointing.
There are rumors swirling about your “Stick em” not being the correct product….? After heavily coating our wide receivers’ hands with the substance, you would think they would play great right? Yeah, we thought the same thing. After the game we investigated a little bit and figured it all out. Our jar of “Stick em” was actually a jar of grease called “Slick em”. We soon after found Coach Tara Campbell’s favorite ink pen on the crime scene. She had snuck in and changed the ‘l’ in slick to a ‘t’. That’s ok, we will see them one more time before the season is over.
Even with their gloves lathered in the wrong substance, we still had Ochocinco and Mike Williams put up huge numbers on the bench for us in Week 7. Ochocinco, prior to week 7, was about to be shipped out to the free agency. He is getting another look this week, as we sent off Patrick Crayton instead.
Why haven’t we seen any trades yet out of your organization? Don’t ask me damnit! Ask all of the other managers in this league. I have valuable players on my team like Big Ben Roethlisberger that won’t get much playing time because of the starters in front of them. Coach Adam Warren of Riley’s Vikings has told me several times that he wants Michael Turner. This was the trade awaiting him this morning……Michael Turner, Ben Roethlisberger, and Donald Driver for Frank Gore and Calvin Johnson. I figured if he doesn’t take that, then he won’t take anything.
Don’t you guys worry…..there will be more trade proposals popping up soon. Other coaches in the league have been teetering back on forth on some of my past trade proposals. You will see some sort of action in the trade market soon, and that’s a guarantee.
Are you nervous about having to go with a 3 WR set this week? Am I?!?! This is possibly the worst week for my RB’s to all go on their byes. We have just started to show a little bit of consistency out of our running game. Now we are forced to go with Jamaal Charles and Marshawn Lynch as our starters this week. They are the only 2 of our 5 backs available this week. Lynch has been taking reps all week and is prepared to put up big numbers in his first start for 4th and Schlong.
The only other time that we went with a 3 WR set this season was in Week 4, when we put up our lowest point total of the season(71). I am nervous about the results, but I trust my guys to go out there with dry gloves this week and get the job done. We have yet to decide which three will get the nod, as Miles and Driver have struggled the past couple of weeks. We were happy to acquire Steve Johnson, as he has a touchdown in four consecutive games. Ocho and Johnson are looking strong, but the third spot is defitely up for the taking. We will give every player plenty of reps in practice this week and figure it out.
What do you think of Coach Phil Campbell’s wagers? I love it! I think that wagers like that are probably what keeps most females out of our league though. Coach Tara Campbell is fearless though! We found that out in our last game. Coach Adam Warren has strangely offered me similar wagers this week. I proceeded to turn them down just like he did all of my trade offers.
What is all the talk about another name change? We started out hot under the name of The Thundering Turd. Then we went on a losing streak. We won our first game under the name 4th and Schlong, but then lost again. It may be superstitious, but our organization is willing to do whatever it takes to win. Yes, we may be shopping new team names. We will let you wait and see.
Any more questions? Good, great, grand!
(Coach Daniel Campbell gives the reporters the gesture to “suck it”, kicks over the table, and walks off)
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