The Thundering Turd collectively dragged ass into their locker room after their disappointing 7-point loss Monday night. Everyone had their party clothes, ready to sing karaoke at Tootsie's following their expected victory. Unfortunately the game relied heavily upon the sporadic shoulders of running back Matt Forte. We, here at ESPN, were able to catch part of the locker room talk from Coach Dan Campbell. Coach Campbell said, "I never knew a Turd could stink so bad", speaking on the topic of Matt Forte's performance Monday night. Matt Forte needed an 11-point performance, which was by no means a tough task against the Swiss cheese defense of the Green Bay Packers. Forte, however, managed a shitty 3 points. Forte spoke on his performance after the game saying, "I guess the shit just hit the fan. I farted around too much in the backfield, when I should have been pushing a little harder to get all of the Turd out of myself."
Coach Campbell later commented that he had to "drop a Turd". Our reporter, Erin Andrews, told him that she would give him a moment and be back to finish the interview. Coach Campbell quickly stopped Ms. Andrews as he dropped Turd Felix Jones right in front of her. Campbell was simply flustered by Matt Forte's performance and was not even happy with the newly assigned Turd Benjarvus Green-Ellis. He immediately dropped that little Turd too. Coach Campbell finally seems satisfied with Marshawn Lynch. Speaking on his first day at practice, Lynch told reporters that he is happy to feel the warmth of such a close football team. Ms. Andrews, again placed in an awkward situation, stepped away as she saw a brown liquid running down Lynch's leg. From now on, the coaching staff won't be telling their running backs to "get some runs". They will now refer to runs as carries.
This Thundering Turd team will look to redeem themselves in Week 4 against the One-Man Wolf Pack. Coach Campbell has been working on his own version of the Wildcat formation at practice. He, and other coaches, are referring to it as the Explosive Diarrhea formation. To say the least, there will be Turds flying all over the field in Week 4. The Thundering Turd are currently the highest scoring team in the league. Coach Campbell commented on this saying, "We will continue to dump it on our opponents until they can flush us out of the pocket".
Be expecting a lot of noise and flatulence out of the Thundering Turd this week!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Week 4 Preview
Game of the Week: There are so many unbelievable matchups this week, I believe they are all deserving of top billing. Every single game pits opponents against each other with either identical records or within one game of each other. With that being said, here is a brief look at each matchup:
Safety Blitz @ Young Gun Football: This one is gonna get bloody. Young Gun Football is in first place in the South Division and the only undefeated team in the BHFFC. Safety Blitz is coming off a huge win and is in a three-way tie for first in the North Division. Young Gun Football is loaded with talent but faces a number of stiff defenses this week. Safety Blitz is being hit hard by the bye week and Coach Phillip Campbell is working with a makeshift roster.
For Young Gun Football to win:
The Thundering Turd @ The One-Man Wolf Pack: Both teams enter this contest with identical 2-1 records after suffering their first losses of the season last weekend. Coach Daniel Campbell will continue to rely on Peyton Manning to put up big numbers and is leaning towards using a lot of 3-wide receiver sets this weekend. Coach Maddox is relying on the strong right arm of Drew Brees and is holding his breath on the health status of Steven Jackson.
Riley's Vikings @ The Hit Squad: Riley's Vikings come into this game in a three-way tie for first in the North Division. Coach Adam Warren is depending on Dallas Clark to continue his production from the tight end position and is hopeful that Ryan Matthews stays on the injury report in San Diego. The Hit Squad is depending on Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick to continue his torrid pace of putting up points and is hopeful that Ray Rice can gut it out in a grudge match against the Steelers.
Illegal Alien Babies @ Charlie's Redrockets: The Illegal Alien Babies will look to get in the win column this week behind the right arm of Jay Cutler and the unusually pass-happy Chicago Bears offense. Coach Darrell Campbell is set to employ a 3 wide receiver set this weekend and is hoping that Brian Urlacher and company can follow up their strong showing on Monday night with another good performance against the Giants. Charlie's Redrockets will be without top playmaker Percy Harvin but still have plenty of offensive firepower behind Aaron Rodgers and the sure-handed Antonio Gates. This game could come down to a battle of back-up running backs John Kuhn and Darren Sproles. Look for the running back with the most production to give his team a narrow victory.
The Pessimists @ The Hail Marys: Both teams come into this game with identical 1-2 records. The Pessimists will bring their great attitudes with them and hope for another 100+ rushing day by running back Chris Johnson. It appears that Coach BJ Hudson will match the 3 wide receiver set that will be employed by Coach Tara Campbell. The Hail Marys are hoping for Donovan McNabb to impress in his Philadelphia homecoming and for Maurice Jones-Drew to put up big numbers against the Colts.
Coach's Prediction Standings:
Safety Blitz @ Young Gun Football: This one is gonna get bloody. Young Gun Football is in first place in the South Division and the only undefeated team in the BHFFC. Safety Blitz is coming off a huge win and is in a three-way tie for first in the North Division. Young Gun Football is loaded with talent but faces a number of stiff defenses this week. Safety Blitz is being hit hard by the bye week and Coach Phillip Campbell is working with a makeshift roster.
For Young Gun Football to win:
- Andre Johnson must perform well on an injured ankle against a tough Oakland Raider secondary.
- Rashard Mendenhall needs to continue to produce against Ray Lewis and company.
- Packer defense needs to keep on, keeping on.
- Matt Ryan and Roddy White have to put up big numbers offensively.
- Must attain production from the running back position.
- Someone has to step up in the absence of big name players.
The Thundering Turd @ The One-Man Wolf Pack: Both teams enter this contest with identical 2-1 records after suffering their first losses of the season last weekend. Coach Daniel Campbell will continue to rely on Peyton Manning to put up big numbers and is leaning towards using a lot of 3-wide receiver sets this weekend. Coach Maddox is relying on the strong right arm of Drew Brees and is holding his breath on the health status of Steven Jackson.
Riley's Vikings @ The Hit Squad: Riley's Vikings come into this game in a three-way tie for first in the North Division. Coach Adam Warren is depending on Dallas Clark to continue his production from the tight end position and is hopeful that Ryan Matthews stays on the injury report in San Diego. The Hit Squad is depending on Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick to continue his torrid pace of putting up points and is hopeful that Ray Rice can gut it out in a grudge match against the Steelers.
Illegal Alien Babies @ Charlie's Redrockets: The Illegal Alien Babies will look to get in the win column this week behind the right arm of Jay Cutler and the unusually pass-happy Chicago Bears offense. Coach Darrell Campbell is set to employ a 3 wide receiver set this weekend and is hoping that Brian Urlacher and company can follow up their strong showing on Monday night with another good performance against the Giants. Charlie's Redrockets will be without top playmaker Percy Harvin but still have plenty of offensive firepower behind Aaron Rodgers and the sure-handed Antonio Gates. This game could come down to a battle of back-up running backs John Kuhn and Darren Sproles. Look for the running back with the most production to give his team a narrow victory.
The Pessimists @ The Hail Marys: Both teams come into this game with identical 1-2 records. The Pessimists will bring their great attitudes with them and hope for another 100+ rushing day by running back Chris Johnson. It appears that Coach BJ Hudson will match the 3 wide receiver set that will be employed by Coach Tara Campbell. The Hail Marys are hoping for Donovan McNabb to impress in his Philadelphia homecoming and for Maurice Jones-Drew to put up big numbers against the Colts.
Coach's Prediction Standings:
- Adam Warren 5-0 (100%)
- Phillip Campbell 6-4 (60%)
- Daniel Campbell 9-8 (53%)
- Jason Young 2-2 (50%)
- Matthew Campbell 1-2 (33%)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Quotes From Safety Blitz' Press Conference
Opening Statement: "We are very pleased with a hard fought victory over the previously unbeaten Thundering Turd. I told my guys before the game that it would take a complete team effort to pull out a victory and that held true. We faced some adversity during practice last week with the firing of our defensive coordiantor and special teams' coaches following our Week 2 loss. I think our players responded well and they now have a better understanding of the high expectations we have for our football program. We celebrated the win briefly last night but we have already been in the film room studying for another stiff challenge this week in Young Gun Football."
On the 'War for 205': "We have our hands full with a talented, well-coached football team. Coach Young brings more managerial experience to this league than all of our other managers combined. We have to be prepared for a hard-nosed, disciplined football team that we are going to face this week. I have no doubt that he will have his guys ready to play this weekend."
On the effect of bye weeks for key personnel: "We don't make any excuses here. Every team in this league has to deal with bye weeks at some point or another. It just so happens that our team is hit hard this week. So be it. I learned a long time ago from Coach Gary Rankin that it is important to prepare your twos and threes just as much as you prepare your ones. We are going to implement a game plan and go to war with the soldiers we have."
On the history of the rivalry: "This is the first time we have played so I don't know how much of a 'rivalry' there really is. Obviously Coach Young and I go way back and have shared a lot of experiences together. I have a ton of respect for him and his staff. After the game, we will talk and probably have a beer or two, but until then, I am out for blood. I expect nothing less from him."
Key matchups for this week: "With our top three running backs and our starting quarterback out this week, obviously we need our starting wide receivers and tight end to put up strong numbers. Matt Ryan needs to play well and take advantage of the opportunity he has against against San Francisco. I am still looking for improvement from our defense and in the kicking game. Our production in those two areas so far has been unacceptable and I hold myself personally accountable."
On who will start in the flex spot: "I honestly have no idea at this point. We are going to evaluate that position at the conclusion of practice this week and will make a decision at that time. Mark Clayton has performed well on the bench and may be deserving of a shot. Jermichael Finley performed well in Chicago last night and is pushing for playing time as well. It is going to be a tough decision and one that probably will not be announced until game time."
On playing mind games with Coach Young: "I DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES. PERIOD. YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THIS IS FOOTBALL, NOT PSYCHOLOGY. MIND GAMES. WTF? NEXT QUESTION."
On conducting three-a-day practices during the season: "Our routine will remain the same for this week. One victory does not erase the pain of the previous week's loss. My players will learn that we strive to play for a higher standard. Losing is unacceptable. We still have many facets of our game that need improvement. We are nowhere near where we need to be in order to accomplish our goal of winning a BHFFC championship. My players understand that we will continue to work harder than any other team in this league until that goal is realized. Anything less is unacceptable."
On the 'War for 205': "We have our hands full with a talented, well-coached football team. Coach Young brings more managerial experience to this league than all of our other managers combined. We have to be prepared for a hard-nosed, disciplined football team that we are going to face this week. I have no doubt that he will have his guys ready to play this weekend."
On the effect of bye weeks for key personnel: "We don't make any excuses here. Every team in this league has to deal with bye weeks at some point or another. It just so happens that our team is hit hard this week. So be it. I learned a long time ago from Coach Gary Rankin that it is important to prepare your twos and threes just as much as you prepare your ones. We are going to implement a game plan and go to war with the soldiers we have."
On the history of the rivalry: "This is the first time we have played so I don't know how much of a 'rivalry' there really is. Obviously Coach Young and I go way back and have shared a lot of experiences together. I have a ton of respect for him and his staff. After the game, we will talk and probably have a beer or two, but until then, I am out for blood. I expect nothing less from him."
Key matchups for this week: "With our top three running backs and our starting quarterback out this week, obviously we need our starting wide receivers and tight end to put up strong numbers. Matt Ryan needs to play well and take advantage of the opportunity he has against against San Francisco. I am still looking for improvement from our defense and in the kicking game. Our production in those two areas so far has been unacceptable and I hold myself personally accountable."
On who will start in the flex spot: "I honestly have no idea at this point. We are going to evaluate that position at the conclusion of practice this week and will make a decision at that time. Mark Clayton has performed well on the bench and may be deserving of a shot. Jermichael Finley performed well in Chicago last night and is pushing for playing time as well. It is going to be a tough decision and one that probably will not be announced until game time."
On playing mind games with Coach Young: "I DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES. PERIOD. YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THIS IS FOOTBALL, NOT PSYCHOLOGY. MIND GAMES. WTF? NEXT QUESTION."
On conducting three-a-day practices during the season: "Our routine will remain the same for this week. One victory does not erase the pain of the previous week's loss. My players will learn that we strive to play for a higher standard. Losing is unacceptable. We still have many facets of our game that need improvement. We are nowhere near where we need to be in order to accomplish our goal of winning a BHFFC championship. My players understand that we will continue to work harder than any other team in this league until that goal is realized. Anything less is unacceptable."
Week 3 Recap
Another great week of BHFFC football is in the books!
The game of the week turned out to be Saftey Blitz' 106 to 99 victory over The Thundering Turd. Safety Blitz had to rely on a swarming Green Bay defense to keep Matt Forte in check on Monday night to secure the victory. With the win, Safety Blitz moves into a three-way tie for first in the North Division.
The comeback of the week goes to Young Gun Football. Behind the leg of Mason Crosby and the Green Bay defense, Young Gun Football scored 11 points on Monday night to complete a 91-81 come from behind victory.
League Notes: The widest margin of victory this week was 29 points...Young Gun Football is the only team left undefeated after their hard-fought 91-81 victory over The Illegal Alien Babies...After 6 teams broke the 100 point plateau last week, only 2 were able to do so this week...Charlie's Redrockets posted a league high 111 points in achieving their first victory of the year...Of league managers who made predictions for games this past week using the voting option at the bottom of each matchup page, Warren was a perfect 5 for 5 (100%) followed by Matthew at 1 for 1 (100%), PC at 3 for 5 (60%), Young at 1 for 2 (50%) and Daniel at 2 for 5 (40%)...Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick posted a league high 38 points for The Hit Squad...Anquan Boldin led wide receivers with 32 points behind a 3 touchdown performance...Adrian Peterson led all running backs with 31 points...Dustin Keller put up 21 points from his tight end position...Sebastian Janikowski led all claimed kickers with 13 points despite missing 3 field goals and costing Oakland their first victory of the season...Pittsburg led all claimed defenses with 18 points...The Thundering Turd leads the league in total points scored with an impressive 373...Young Gun Football leads the league in total points against with 238...There is a lot of parity in the league so far, as evidenced by the fact that no team is further than one game out of the playoff picture...Four of the five games this week were won by lower seeded teams.
The game of the week turned out to be Saftey Blitz' 106 to 99 victory over The Thundering Turd. Safety Blitz had to rely on a swarming Green Bay defense to keep Matt Forte in check on Monday night to secure the victory. With the win, Safety Blitz moves into a three-way tie for first in the North Division.
The comeback of the week goes to Young Gun Football. Behind the leg of Mason Crosby and the Green Bay defense, Young Gun Football scored 11 points on Monday night to complete a 91-81 come from behind victory.
League Notes: The widest margin of victory this week was 29 points...Young Gun Football is the only team left undefeated after their hard-fought 91-81 victory over The Illegal Alien Babies...After 6 teams broke the 100 point plateau last week, only 2 were able to do so this week...Charlie's Redrockets posted a league high 111 points in achieving their first victory of the year...Of league managers who made predictions for games this past week using the voting option at the bottom of each matchup page, Warren was a perfect 5 for 5 (100%) followed by Matthew at 1 for 1 (100%), PC at 3 for 5 (60%), Young at 1 for 2 (50%) and Daniel at 2 for 5 (40%)...Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick posted a league high 38 points for The Hit Squad...Anquan Boldin led wide receivers with 32 points behind a 3 touchdown performance...Adrian Peterson led all running backs with 31 points...Dustin Keller put up 21 points from his tight end position...Sebastian Janikowski led all claimed kickers with 13 points despite missing 3 field goals and costing Oakland their first victory of the season...Pittsburg led all claimed defenses with 18 points...The Thundering Turd leads the league in total points scored with an impressive 373...Young Gun Football leads the league in total points against with 238...There is a lot of parity in the league so far, as evidenced by the fact that no team is further than one game out of the playoff picture...Four of the five games this week were won by lower seeded teams.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Week 3 Preview
Game of the week: The Hit Squad vs. The One Man Wolf Pack. Don't be fooled by the records in this one folks; when these two teams get together, you can throw the records out the window! Despite the fact that The Wolf Pack brings a 2-0 record into this one, they have actually been outscored so far by The Hit Squad by a score of 191-186. This has all the makings of an instant classic. Look for this game to be decided by Greg Jennings' production in prime time on Monday night.
Game of the week II: The Thundering Turd vs. Safety Blitz. In this early season battle for first place, Safety Blitz will attempt to slow down the tidal wave of points being put on the board by The Thundering Turd. Look for the flex spot to determine the outcome in this one.
Upset Alert: Young Gun Football vs. The Illegal Alien Babies. The Illegals are bound to get on track at some point this season and they might catch Young Gun Football looking ahead to next week's grudge match with Safety Blitz.
League Tidbits: Riley's Vikings vs. The Pessimists is the only non-conference game this week...The Illegal Alien Babies led all teams in player transactions this week with three...The Illegal Alien Babies lead the overall transaction count with seven roster moves so far...Young Gun Football has yet to make any changes to its roster...Peyton Manning leads all players in projected points this week with 23...There have no fines sanctioned so far this year...Bye weeks start next weekend.
Game of the week II: The Thundering Turd vs. Safety Blitz. In this early season battle for first place, Safety Blitz will attempt to slow down the tidal wave of points being put on the board by The Thundering Turd. Look for the flex spot to determine the outcome in this one.
Upset Alert: Young Gun Football vs. The Illegal Alien Babies. The Illegals are bound to get on track at some point this season and they might catch Young Gun Football looking ahead to next week's grudge match with Safety Blitz.
League Tidbits: Riley's Vikings vs. The Pessimists is the only non-conference game this week...The Illegal Alien Babies led all teams in player transactions this week with three...The Illegal Alien Babies lead the overall transaction count with seven roster moves so far...Young Gun Football has yet to make any changes to its roster...Peyton Manning leads all players in projected points this week with 23...There have no fines sanctioned so far this year...Bye weeks start next weekend.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Week 2 Recap
With two weeks in the books, here is a recap of last week's highlights:
-Six teams racked up 100 points or more last week. That's an impressive output for a 10 team league!
-The Thundering Turd again led all teams in total points by posting 120.
-Two teams scored 100 points and lost.
-The game of the week was without question The One Man Wolf Pack's 101-100 victory over The Pessimists. The Wolf Pack put up 32 points on Monday night behind Drew Brees and the Saints' defense to pull out the squeaker.
-Detroit running back Jahvid Best led all individual players in points last week, putting up an impressive 40 fantasy points for The Pessimists.
-Among the three managers who made predictions for last week's games by voting at the bottom of the preview page, Phillip led by guessing correctly on 3 out of 5 (60%), followed by Young with 1 out of 2 (50%) and Daniel with 2 out of 5 (40%).
-Three teams remain undefeated after week 2.
-Six teams racked up 100 points or more last week. That's an impressive output for a 10 team league!
-The Thundering Turd again led all teams in total points by posting 120.
-Two teams scored 100 points and lost.
-The game of the week was without question The One Man Wolf Pack's 101-100 victory over The Pessimists. The Wolf Pack put up 32 points on Monday night behind Drew Brees and the Saints' defense to pull out the squeaker.
-Detroit running back Jahvid Best led all individual players in points last week, putting up an impressive 40 fantasy points for The Pessimists.
-Among the three managers who made predictions for last week's games by voting at the bottom of the preview page, Phillip led by guessing correctly on 3 out of 5 (60%), followed by Young with 1 out of 2 (50%) and Daniel with 2 out of 5 (40%).
-Three teams remain undefeated after week 2.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Week 2 Preview
After a solid opening week of fantasy football, the BHFFC is geared up for a smashmouth lineup of games during week 2. This week's games run from Sunday at noon through Monday night.
Game of the week: The Pessimists vs. The One Man Wolf Pack
This game features the only matchup of undefeated teams during week 2. The One Man Wolf Pack will look to make separation this week utilizing its lethal receiving corps, while The Pessimists will hope for another 100+ yard rushing day from the #2 overall draft pick, Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans. This one should be a fight to the finish.
Game of the week II: The Hail Mary's vs. The Illigal Alien Babies
This game features the two lowest scoring teams from week one, as both teams were plagued by a rash of injuries and misfortune during their opening week matchups. Look for both teams to bounce back this week. Keys to watch during this game will be if Randy Moss can produce numbers on Revis Island for the Alien Babies and if Vernon Davis can get put up similar numbers to last year's breakout season versus the Saints for The Hail Mary's.
League Notes: High score last week went to The Thundering Turd, who racked up an impressive 154 points in week 1...The Illigal Alien Babies versus The Hail Mary's is the only out of division contest this week...There have been 13 transactions so far this week, led by Riley's Vikings and The Hail Mary's with 3 each...Peyton Manning leads this weeks projected points with an expected 24 points.
Game of the week: The Pessimists vs. The One Man Wolf Pack
This game features the only matchup of undefeated teams during week 2. The One Man Wolf Pack will look to make separation this week utilizing its lethal receiving corps, while The Pessimists will hope for another 100+ yard rushing day from the #2 overall draft pick, Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans. This one should be a fight to the finish.
Game of the week II: The Hail Mary's vs. The Illigal Alien Babies
This game features the two lowest scoring teams from week one, as both teams were plagued by a rash of injuries and misfortune during their opening week matchups. Look for both teams to bounce back this week. Keys to watch during this game will be if Randy Moss can produce numbers on Revis Island for the Alien Babies and if Vernon Davis can get put up similar numbers to last year's breakout season versus the Saints for The Hail Mary's.
League Notes: High score last week went to The Thundering Turd, who racked up an impressive 154 points in week 1...The Illigal Alien Babies versus The Hail Mary's is the only out of division contest this week...There have been 13 transactions so far this week, led by Riley's Vikings and The Hail Mary's with 3 each...Peyton Manning leads this weeks projected points with an expected 24 points.
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