Week 8 Preview

Game of the Week: Young Gun Football (+35) @ Illegal Alien Babies

Young Gun Football travels across the border to face the Illegal Alien Babies in a pivotal matchup for both teams as well as the rest of the league. YGF enters Week 8 with a league-best 6-1 record but needs a win this weekend to hold the rest of the Lightning Division at bay. Coach Jason Young will piece together a patchwork offensive attack, as five of his players are out with byes and two more are out with injuries. The Illegal Alien Babies enter this week's contest in a tie for first place in the Thunder Division. Coach Darrell Campbell will deploy a three wide-receiver set as well as newly acquired tight end Heath Miller in attempting to pull out the victory. In order for YGF to have a chance in this one, rookie and former Safety Blitz QB Andy Dalton will need to play well against Seattle.

Carmichael's Crusaders (-33) @ Riley's Vikings

These two organizations are travelling in opposite directions as Carmichael's Crusaders enter Week 8 on a five game winning streak while Riley's Vikings have suffered six losses in a row. Carmichael's Crusaders is looking at this weekend as an opportunity to enter a tie for first place in the Thunder Division with a win and a YGF loss. Coach Ethan Hudson appears to be looking forward to Week 9 already, stating in his press conference that "I'll beat BJ next week to tie the record," referring to the BHFFC winning streak record of seven games. Riley's Vikings are in dire need of a victory this week after losing six straight and being in danger of matching the BHFFC record of seven straight losses. Coach Adam Warren believes he has the answer this week despite his constant efforts to trade this past week. Look for this game to be determined by the ability of Riley's Vikings running backs to perform to their capabilities.

Toejam Football (-24) @ Tebow's Youth Group

These two future wedding ushers will lock horns instead of practicing their ushering techniques this weekend in a pivotal matchup for both teams. Toejam Football is coming off an emotional win in Week 7 and is looking to keep pace in the high octane Lightning Division. Coach Zach Maddux is hopeful that Reggie Bush can produce in the absence of Darren McFadden, who is out on a bye this week. Tebow's Youth Group is coming off an emotional victory over Tim Tebow himself and riding a three game winning streak. Coach Daniel Campbell has been seen 'Tebowing' numerous times throughout the week in honor of his hero.Look for this game to be determined by whether or not Bush can take advantage of Daniel Thomas' absence to put up key points in the flex position.

Play Action Pass (+18) @ The Pessimists

Play Action Pass will load up the flatbed pickup trucks and make the journey to Newburn, TN to face The Pessimists. PAP will deploy a twin tight end set this week behind two of the most lethal tight ends in football. Coach David Looper is concerned with his running attack, however, as both Danny Woodhead and Dexter McCluster have struggled to establish consistency this season. The Pessimists are looking to rebound from a Week 7 loss and the loss of standout receiver Santana Moss, who is out for at least three weeks. Coach BJ Hudson will lean heavily on Matthew Stafford and Ray Rice to attempt to pull out the victory. In a game that contains a number of superstar perfromances, The Pessimists will need someone other than Stafford and Rice to produce points to have a chance in this one.

We Got Big TDs (-2) @ Safety Blitz

In one of two spouse matchups in Week 8, We Got Big TDs travels to 'The Devil's Den' to battle Safety Bitz. The Big TDs are playing their cards close to the vest, as they have yet to announce their official starting lineup. Coach Tara Campbell is hopeful that her running game can get on track, as they have struggled to establish a consisten rushing attack so far this year. Safety Blitz will look to defend their home turf and maintain at least a share of first place in the defensive minded Thunder Division. Coach Phillip Campbell vows that his squad will not be distracted by the Big TDs and has practiced with nude cheerleaders on the sideline at practice all week. This game could easily be determined by a battle of backup-turned-starter running backs between Jackie Battle and Bernard Scott.

Maddawg's Tight End (+28) @ Campbell's Crusaders

In a battle of future newlyweds, Maddawg's Tight End travels to the other side of the bed to battle Campbell's Cougars. MTE, who has yet to finalize their starting lineup for Week 8 as of press time, needs a win to keep pace in the Lightning Division. Coach Miranda Maddux is still without standout reciever Andre Johnson, who she hopes will return in Week 9. Campbell's Crusaders asked for and received permission to move this game to the Superdome in New Orleans, LA in an effort to expand their fan base. Coach Matthew Campbell's squad arrived in New Orleans a few days early in order to become better acclimated with the boobs and whiskey that is associated with Bourbon Street. Look for this game to be determined by which team's receivers can make plays down the field.

Manager Predicition Standings

1. Jason Young 13-5 (72%)
2. Daniel Campbell 8-4 (67%)
3. Ethan Hudson 8-4 (67%)
4. Tara Campbell 15-9 (63%)
5. Matthew Campbell 10-7 (59%)
6. Phillip Campbell 21-15 (58%)

Previous Matchups

Safety Blitz and We Got Big TDs split their two matchups last year...Toejam Football holds a 2-1 series advantage over TYG after securing a playoff victory last season...Illegal Alien Babies have never beaten YGF in two previous attempts...PAP has never beaten The Pessimists in three previous matchups, including a 2nd Round playoff matchup last season.

Spouses Weekend

In a pure coincedence of scheduling, spouses Phillip and Tara Campbell as well as future spouses Matthew Campbell and Miranda Maddux will face off in Week 8. While the latter couple has moved their game to a neutral site in New Orleans, LA, Coach Phillip Campbell refused to follow suit for fear of angering his season ticket holders. When informed that Week 8 is being dubbed "Spouses Weekend," Coach Darrell Campbell stated, "I guess that means that Young will be my b!t$h this week!"

League Notes

Carmichael's Crusaders is on a league high five game winning streak...Riley's Vikings is on a league high six game losing streak...YGF is the only team to remain undefeated at home with a 3-0 mark...The Lightning Division owns a 9-3 advantage over the Thunder Division so far this season...Riley's Vikings leads the league in trade proposals this season...PAP continues to lead the league in scoring offense with 818 points...Maddawg's Tight End leads the league in points against with 570...Only five teams have scored more points this season than they have allowed...Seven teams are projected to eclipse the 100 point barrier in Week 8...Carmichael's Crusaders are projected to score a league high 144 points...Drew Brees is projected to lead all players with 29 points...Frank Gore and Adrian Peterson are projected to lead the running backs with 23 points...Calvin Johnson is projected to have another monster day to lead the wide receivers with 23 points...Jimmy Graham is projected to lead the tight ends with 15 points...Billy Cundiff will look to rebound from a tough MNF and is projected to lead the kickers with 12 points...Defensive projections have the Ravens leading the league with 15 points...Aaron Rodgers is currently the top overall scorer in the league...Riley's Vikings owns two of the top 10 QBs as well as overall scorers in the league...Toejam Football owns two of the top six scoring running backs in the league...Carmichael's Crusaders owns two of the top five scoring wide receivers in the league...We Got Big TDs owns two of the top three tight ends in the league...PAP owns two of the top seven scoring defenses in the league.

Week 7 Recap

Game of the Week: Campbell's Cougars (87) @ Illegal Alien Babies (94)

Campbell's Cougars built a 3rd quarter lead only to watch the Illegal Alien Babies make a furious 4th quarter rally and then hold off the Cougars last second kicking efforts. Campbell's Cougars received a monster performance from newly acquired Demarco Murray, who ran to the tune of 31 points. Coach Matthew Campbell was disappointed in his kicking game, however, as Billy Cundiff missed horribly on what would have been a five point field goal and only scored one point on the night. The Illegal Alien Babies were paced by another standout performance from Darren Sproles, who completed the comeback effort by scoring 21 points in the Saints romp over the Colts. Coach Darrell Campbell was very pleased with his team after the game, pointing out that it was a complete team effort to secure the victory.

Young Gun Football (92) @ Toejam Football (105)

The Duck River was swarming with drunken kayakers following Toejam Football's upset of previously undefeated Young Gun Football. YGF, who saw their 6 game losing streak snapped, was led by a 31 point performance from QB Aaron Rodgers. Coach Jason Young stormed out of the locker room after the game without speaking to reporters. Toejam Football was led by the combination of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant, who combined to score 33 points. Following a late touchdown pass to Bryant to pull within striking range of YGF, Coach Zach Maddux referred to the score as being "much needed."

Riley's Vikings (59) @ Tebow's Youth Group (69)

Riley's Vikings fell on the road against Tebow's Youth Group despite receiving a breakout performance from Tim Tebow against his namesake team. Riley's Vikings were led by the aforementioned Tebow, who scored 26 points in his first start of the 2011 season. Coach Adam Warren received little other production, however, as only one other player scored in double digits. Tebow's Youth Group was paced by a balanced offensive attack, much to the approval of Coach Daniel Campbell. "It was a harmonious effort by the Youth Group today, yet one in which we were forced to compete against our hero," Campbell stated after the victory.

We Got Big TDs (59) @ Maddawg's Tight End (75)

We Got Big TDs fell on the road to Maddawg's Tight End in the first ever matchup of two female competitors in the BHFFC. The Big TDs were led by 23 points from Matt Schaub, yet received little production from anyone else. Coach Tara Campbell was already scouring the waiver wires prior to the start of SNF and promising to make roster changes. Maddawg's Tight End was led by Ben Roethlisberger's 32 points and won despite both of her running backs scoring 0 points. Coach Miranda Maddux is looking forward to the return of RB LeSean McCoy after his Week 7 bye.

Play Action Pass (92) @ Carmichael's Crusaders (127)

Play Action Pass fell victim to the buzzsaw that is becoming known as Carmichael's Crusaders in Murfreesboro over the weekend. Play Action Pass was led by a 43 point performance from Drew Brees, but it wasn't enough to complete the comeback on SNF. Coach David Looper remained even keeled after the game, telling reporters that "We've just got to get our receivers back in a week or two and we'll be fine." Carmichael's Crusaders continued their path of destruction against the BHFFC and placed seven players in double digit scoring. Coach Ethan Hudson showed no mercy, unleashing Marques Colston to the tune of 21 points despite a huge lead entering SNF.

Safety Blitz (98) @ The Pessimists (84)

Safety Blitz built a big lead and then benefited from an uncharacteristic performance from Ray Rice to hold off The Pessimists and create a log jam atop the Thunder Division. Safety Blitz was led by Arian Foster's 40 points, as the RB shredded a pathetic Titans' defense on Sunday. Coach Phillip Campbell stressed that his team still has room for improvement, as they still haven't scored 100 points on the year. The Pessimists were led by 15 points from John Kasay, as the kicker was busy all night in derailing the Colts. Coach BJ Hudson was notably missing at various times on the sideline and was rumored to be in the clubhouse watching the World Series between plays. Hudson was unavailable for comment.

League Standings

Per league rules, the top team in each division is ranked #1 and #2. After this, teams are ranked by their overall record regardless of division. Tie breakers are determined by head to head matchups first. If all teams have not played each other, tie breaker then moves to total points scored. Waivers have been changed to reflect the actual standings.

1. Young Gun Football
2. The Pessimists
3. Carmichael's Crusaders
4. Play Action Pass
5. Maddawg's Tight End
6. Safety Blitz
7. Tebow's Youth Group
8. Illegal Alien Babies
9. Toejam Football
10. We Got Big TDs
11. Riley's Vikings
12. Campbell's Cougars 

Manager Prediction Results

1. Phillip Campbell 4-2 (67%)
2. Ethan Hudson 4-2 (67%)
3. Daniel Campbell 3-3 (50%)
4. Jason Young 3-3 (50%)
5. Tara Campbell 2-4 (33%) 

Updated manager prediction standings will be released in the Week 8 Preview.

Pickup of the Week

Coach Matthew Campbell of Campbell's Cougars wins the 'Pickup of the Week' award with DeMarco Murray. Murray ran for a career high 253 yards and scored a touchdown in the Cowboys' victory over the Rams.

Poll Results

By a vote of 5-2, it was determined that Jim Schwartz would defeat Jim Harbaugh in a steel cage match at Wrestlemania.


League Notes

Road teams went 5-1 in Week 7...Favorites went 3-2 in Week 7 (One game was even)...Teams went 2-3 against the spread...Only 2 teams scored more than 100 points...Teams starting 3 wide receivers went 3-3...Ironically, all six teams starting three wide receivers played against each other...No team started twin tight ends in Week 7...Carmichael's Crusaders scored a league high 127 points...Drew Brees led all players with 43 points...Arian Foster led all running backs with 40 points...Marques Colston led all wide receivers with 21 points...Jimmy Graham once again led all tight ends with 17 points...Mason Crosby led all claimed kickers with 18 points...The Saints led all claimed defenses with 18 points...Carmichael's Crusaders are on a league high five game winning streak...Riley's Vikings have lost a league high six straight games and will tie the BHFFC record, currently held by Safety Blitz, with a loss this weekend...Play Action Pass leads the league in points scored with a whopping 818 points...All four of Tebow's Youth Group's victories have come within the division...The Thunder Division has an overall record of 18-24...The Lightning Division has an overall record of 24-18.  

Week 7 Preview

Game of the Week: Safety Blitz (-28) @ The Pessimists

Safety Blitz makes the journey west to Newburn, TN, to take on the The Pessimists with at least a share of 1st Place in the Thunder Division on the line. Safety Blitz enters the game on a three game winning streak after snapping a seven game losing streak in Week 4. Coach Phillip Campbell hopes that his squad can continue to ride the momentum and will look for newly acquired Earnest Graham to produce in the Flex position. The Pessimists will look to maintain sole possession of 1st Place behind their two stars, Matthew Stafford and Ray Rice. Coach BJ Hudson has been miffed all week as to how his team can be a home underdog and will seemingly use that as motivation during his pregame speech. Look for the difference in this game to be determined by the combination of Clark and Garcon for Safety Blitz versus Davis and Moss for The Pessimists.

Game of the Week II: Play Action Pass (+13) @ Carmichael's Crusaders

These two Lightning Division juggernauts meet with sole possession of 2nd Place on the line and the opportunity to keep pace with YGF. Play Action Pass will travel to Murfreesboro as a wounded animal, as three regular starters are out this week due to injury. Coach David Looper refuses to make excuses, however, stating that "I don't give a turkey gizzard who is hurt! We're going to line up with the players we have and hit somebody in the mouth!" Carmichael's Crusaders will look to extend their franchise record four game winning streak and defend their home turf. Coach Ethan Hudson's squad has played extremely well after opening the season with two consecutive losses, due in large part to a trade that landed him Calvin Johsnon. For PAP to win, their three wide receivers have to keep pace with the production of their couterparts on the Crusaders. For the Crusaders to win, they need Matt Hasselbeck to put up respectable numbers to prevent PAP's Drew Brees from winning this game on his own.

Young Gun Football (-4) @ Toejam Football

These two Lightning Division foes will go toe to toe this weekend along the banks of the Duck River in Columbia, TN. YGF will look to extend their winning streak to seven games, which would tie them for the league record. When asked about the record, Coach Jason Young replied "I don't give a shit about streaks. I care about winning and nothing else. Streaks are for the fans!" Toejam Football will look to right the ship this weekend as they have stumbled during a three game losing streak. Coach Zach Maddux is looking to Darren McFadden and Maurice Jones-Drew to step up their game in the absence of Fred Jackson, who is on a bye this week. The key matchup to the outcome of this game will be Shonn Greene versus Reggie Bush in the flex position.

Riley's Vikings (-5) @ Tebow's Youth Group

Riley's Vikings will travel to Murfreesboro to battle Tebow's Youth Group in a key matchup for both teams. Riley's Vikings is looking to halt a five game losing streak and get back into the Thunder Division race. Coach Adam Warren believes his team will be ready to play this weekend and, in an ironic twist, is looking to Tim Tebow to lead his team to victory against Tebow's namesake team. TYG, playing with the possibility of moving into a 1st Place tie, hopes that Tim Tebow's homecoming will not be a distraction. Coach Daniel Campbell moved his teams practice location to Los Angeles, California all week in hopes of avoiding the media circus that has enveloped Tim Tebow's entry to the starting lineup. In a tough matchup to predict, look for this game to be decided by the Ravens' defense on MNF.

Campbell's Cougars (+5) @ Illegal Alien Babies

Son meets father as Campbell's Cougars journey down I-840E to battle the Illegal Alien Babies. The Cougars enter the game on a four game losing streak and are simply looking for any way to get back in the win column. Coach Matthew Campbell is hopeful that newly acquired DeMarco Murray and Billy Cundiff can make the difference in this genetic rivalry. The Illegal Alien Babies are playing with the potential to be in 1st Place in the Lightning Division at the end of the weekend. Coach Darrell Campbell will start Matt Moore under center due to byes and a rash of injuries. In another tough game to predict, this game will likely be determined which team can score the most rushing touchdowns.

We Got Big TDs (-29) @ Maddawg's Tight End

In a historical matchup, two woman head coaches will meet on the gridiron for the first time in BHFFC history as We Got Big TDs invades Columbia, Tennessee to battle Maddawg's Tight End. The Big TDs are looking to get back in the win column after suffering three straight losses. Coach Tara Campbell believes that her team will be ready to play and will not suffer any letdown after enduring an emotional loss to YGF last week on MNF. Maddawg's Tight End will piece together another patchwork lineup in Week 7 due to byes and injuries. Coach Miranda Maddux called out Big Ben leading up to the game this week, stating that "It's time for Big Ben to take my Tight End to the promised land." Look for this game to be determined by quarterback play.

Previous Matchups

Safety Blitz and The Pessimists split their two matchups last season...Toejam Football is 2-0 all-time versus Young Gun Football...Tebow's Youth Group and Riley's Vikings split their two matchups last year...Campbell's Cougars won their only previous matchup against the Illegal Alien Babies.

Manager Prediction Standings

1. Jason Young 10-2 (83%)
2. Tara Campbell 13-5 (72%)
3. Matthew Campbell 10-7 (59%)
4. Phillip Campbell 17-13 (57%)
5. ---------------------------------------------
6. Daniel Campbell 5-1 (83%)
7. Ethan Hudson 4-2 (67%)

*Minimum 10 games to qualify*

Special Guest

We would like to say hello to our guest from Charlotte, North Carolina, who has frequented our blog site recently. We hope you are enjoying our weekly fodder. Feel free to identify yourself as you see fit!

League Notes

Home teams are 18-18 so far this season...YGF is the only team to remain undefeated at home...YGF and PAP are the only teams that have yet to lose on the road...Riley's Vikings have made the most acquisitions so far this season by adding 17 new players to their roster...Maddawg's Tight End has made the fewest changes, adding only two players to their roster...No fines have been levied yet this season...Aaron Hernandez, drafted in the 15th round, is averaging 15.8 points in games that he has played this season...Coach Jason Young is the first manager to ever predict a tie in the manager prediction standings...Despite not breaking the 100 point barrier this season, Safety Blitz is projected to score a league high 140 points in Week 7...Seven teams are projected to score over 100 points this week...Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers are projected to lead all players with 29 points each...Matt Forte is projected to lead the mail carriers with 27 points...Mike Wallace is projected to lead all receivers with 17 points...Jason Witten and Jimmy Graham are projected to lead the tight ends with 14 points each...Steven Hauschka (Who?!?) is projected to lead the one-barred bandits with 13 points...The Cowboys and Ravens are projected to lead the head hunters with 14 points each...Maddawg's Tight End has a league high two players active in MNF...Every Week 7 matchup has at least one starter in MNF with the exception of PAP @ Carmichael's Crusaders.

Big TDs Press Conference

Good morning, gentlemen.  I will not be taking questions today, just making a statement.  It is no secret that this week the only two female coaches go chest to chest.  I have no doubts that it will be a very exciting game for you men to watch.  The question will be what will get the biggest rise out of our players, Maddawg’s Tight End or T-Bone’s Big TDs.  I hope that I am not premature in saying that I expect my men to come hard and strong this weekend.  Yes, they have had some performance issues in the past, but I am willing to bet that this week their engines will be revving to pound some Tight End.  They know that I expect them to strap it on and prove that my big TDs are a force to be reckoned with!!!

Blue Hellion Illustrated

Young Gun Football: Reloaded

Jay Marrioti, Around the Horn / Chicago Tribune

You could sense it hovering on the first cool night air of autumn. There is a type of electricity in the Monday night air that cannot be truly explained, only experienced. Young Gun Football stood on the edge of a second straight come from behind victory in the waning moments of Monday Night Football at Hell’s Half Acre. As the score tightened, everyone knew what was coming. It’s like watching a tiger crouched silently; ready to strike, with an intense focus on its face. Everything is quiet and peaceful and you still feel like you have a chance to escape, but then in an instant, BOOM, the tiger pounces and it’s all over in one fatal crushing blow. Such is life for teams in the Blue Hellion Fantasy Football Confederation. In back to back weeks YGF has owned the 4^th quarter coming from 20 and 27 points down respectively on their way to a 6-0 start. Does this Young Gun squad have enough magic in them this year to bring home the Confederation Cup? Only time will tell, but there seems to be a sense of destiny with this team and this franchise. However, that has not always been the case for Coach Jason Young’s fantasy squads. He has endured more than his fair share of heartache in a long and crazy rollercoaster ride patrolling the front office and sidelines.

        

It all began around 14 years ago in the Murfreesboro Football League (MFL) when Coach Young took over the expansion team Piss Ant Football. The Piss Ants made a huge splash in the MFL making the playoffs in a 16 team league in their inaugural season. The league back then was a TD only league as there was no type of computer system for tracking statistics as easily as today. Rosters had to be phoned in to the commissioner before midnight on Saturday and each player kept up with their own score and had to phone it in as well on Tuesday afternoon. It was a different world to say the least. The following season, Piss Ant Football looked to build on the success from year 1. After the draft, Coach Young noticed that Randall Cunningham was still available and, in need of a back-up, he added the veteran to his roster. Four weeks into the season, Piss Ant Football was undefeated and after the Vikings starting QB was injured, another owner approached Coach Young about a possible trade as Cunningham would be taking over as the starter in Minnesota. Randall Cunningham angrily opposed the trade, saying he wanted to win a championship as part of the Piss Ant organization, but Coach Young nevertheless pulled the trigger on the trade. On the way out of the door, Cunningham placed a hex on Coach Young’s Piss Ant organization saying, “If you think the Curse of the Bambino in Boston or the Curse of the Goat in Chicago are bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” And thus Cunningham’s Curse was born. The Piss Ant’s would stumble badly down the stretch and miss the playoffs, while Randall Cunningham went on to be the NFL MVP and lead his fantasy squad to a championship. Over the next 10 seasons, Piss Ant Football would be a staple in the MFL making the playoffs 7 times, but with the curse looming the Piss Ant’s failed to win a single playoff game going 0-6 from 1999-2007. And they just didn’t lose, they lost spectacularly. In one instance, as the last playoff game of the weekend was coming to a close, the only thing that could knock off the Piss Ant’s would be a TD pass from Steve Young to a young Terrell Owens. Coach Young thought the curse was lifted only to see a nightmare play out as his cousin Steve Young hit TO for the TD. Terrell Owens was seen crying after the catch as so was the entire Piss Ant organization. In another playoff series, Coach Young only needed then Bengals QB Carson Palmer to produce 14 points to win a playoff game only to see Palmer’s knee crushed on the first series of the game along with the hopes of the Piss Ant’s. Was it Cunningham’s ghost that pushed the D lineman into Palmer or was it all just bad luck?

The Piss Ant’s were able to adapt to the changing fantasy football rules and massive growth during this time making the playoffs virtually every season. They endured one season where return yards on kicks and punts counted just like rushing yards. This lead to the “Dante Hall” rule as Hall would single handedly beat teams with his return skills. But the Piss Ant’s couldn’t get past the curse. Finally, in 2008 the Piss Ant’s had the best record in the league and received a first round bye. This meant they had already been the furthest in their playoff history and they were able to finally win a playoff game before losing in the championship game.  Cunningham’s curse was seemingly broken. That season, however, was marred by the MFL’s turnover rate of owners and several douchebags had subsequently joined the league. After much debate, the Piss Ant organization felt it was time to end its tenure in the MFL and withdrew its franchise. They finished with a career 1-7 playoff record during a 12 year run. After taking a hiatus in 2009 and doing several broadcasting gigs, Coach Young felt it was time to return to the fantasy football ranks. After some discussions with former Piss Ant Football consultant Phillip Campbell, Coach Young agreed to join the newly created Blue Hellion Football Confederation and brought with him a new franchise – Young Gun Football. Coach Young credits his experiences running Piss Ant Football with making Young Gun Football a dominating franchise in the BHFFC. With another first round playoff loss on his record though, Coach Young refuses to get complacent even after a 6-0 start and back to back miracle wins. After all, he still has 0 championships and can’t help but wonder if somewhere Randall Cunningham isn’t sitting back laughing at that statistic. After the last two weeks, though, you can’t help but wonder if Coach Young’s squad will be the one getting the last laugh.

Blue Hellion Illustrated

Lightning is Lethal; Thunder is Just Noise

Woody Paige; ESPN

                “Thunderstruck” or “Ride the Lightning”? With a little more than a third of the season gone, it’s time to take a look at a breakdown of the BHFFC divisions. Parody be damned should be the slogan. The Lightning Division has flown out of the gates and have made their Thunder division rivals their whipping boys. Who knows how this will translate down the stretch or into the postseason, but right now its buy Lightning, sell Thunder. Here is a quick breakdown of the early season statistics. The Lightning Division holds a commanding 9-3 record vs. the Thunder Division. And even more telling of a statistic is that the top 6 scoring teams in the league are the 6 teams from the Lightning Division.

The Thunder Division as a whole has combined for 3,038 points vs. the Lightning Division’s grand total of 3,691. This is a difference of 653 total points. This means the Lightning Division vs. Thunder Division average score would be Lightning 102.5 / Thunder 84.4. That’s an 18 point margin of victory average for the Lightning Division. With 11 games remaining, there is still plenty of time for the Thunder Division to make up some ground, but they certainly have a lot of catching up to do.

Week 6 Recap

Game of the Week: We Got Big TDs (86) @ Young Gun Football (89)

Young Gun Football pulled off another miraculous comeback on MNF to defeat We Got Big TDs and remain undefeated. The Big TDs were led by Rashard Mendenhall, who scored 20 points in his return from a hamstring injury. Coach Tara Campbell's squad took a 27 point lead into MNF, but wasn't able to hold off the furious comeback effort. YGF had another monster day from Aaron Rodgers, who put up 29 points to lead his team in scoring yet again. Coach Jason Young was especially pleased with his defensive effort, which rebounded to secure the victory after a subpar performance in Week 5. With the victory, YGF's winning streak stands at six games, one game shy of tying the BHFFC record.

Campbell's Cougars (78) @ The Pessimists (82)

Despite a negative attitude entering MNF, The Pessimists were able to pull out a come from behind victory over Campbell's Cougars. The Cougars received a big day from Frank Gore, who scored 20 points to lead the way. Coach Matthew Campbell's squad couldn't overcome the lack of production from Tim Hightower, however, as the running back appears to be lost in the Redskins running back shuffle. The Pessimists overcame a horrendous performance from Pierre Thomas to pull out the victory, as Brandon Marshall did not live up to his ejection wishes and instead produced a 10 point performance. Coach BJ Hudson was elated with Marshall after the game, stating that, "If he had gotten tossed in the 2nd quarter, I would have choke-slammed his candy ass!"

Illegal Alien Babies (72) @ Tebow's Youth Group (109)

The Illegal Alien Babies fell on the road to Tebow's Youth Group despite attending a pregame church service hosted by Tim Tebow himself. The Alien Babies were led by Tom Brady and the Bengals' defense, who combined to score 37 points. Coach Darrell Campbell was not pleased with the play of his running backs and vowed after the game to not sleep until he finds a solution. Tebow's Youth Group played host to Tim Tebow, newly acquired QB of Riley's Vikings, who was in town during his bye week. Coach Daniel Campbell believes that Tebow inspired his team to perform at a higher level, as evidenced by the surge in play from both Ahmad Bradshaw and Mark "Dirty" Sanchez.

Carmichael's Crusaders (82) @ Maddawg's Tight End (74)

Carmichael's Crusaders continued their recent bulge to the surface in spanking Maddawg's Tight End. The Crusaders were led by QB Josh Freeman, who put up another solid performance in scoring 24 points. Coach Ethan Hudson only placed two players in double digits, but it was enough as teams struggle to mix and match during the bye weeks. Maddawg's Tight End was led by LeSean McCoy, the #2 ranked RB in the league, with 19 points. Coach Miranda Maddux was ready to move forward after the game and spoke briefly about her Week 7 matchup with the Big TDs, stating that "those Big TDs can't handle my angry Tight End."

Play Action Pass (104) @ Toejam Football (90)

Play Action Pass pulled out the road victory in Columbia over Toejam Football in a game that wasn't decided until late. PAP was led by Michael Turner, as the running back found the endzone twice in his 25 point effort. Coach David Looper was pleased with his team's performance after suffering a tough loss in Week 5. Toejam Football placed four players in double digits but also had two players that failed to score in a hit or miss day as the team suffered its third straight defeat. Coach Zach Maddux conducted a closed door team meeting after the game and is rumored to be making changes to his roster this week.

Riley's Vikings (68) @ Safety Blitz (92)

Riley's Vikings extended their losing streak to five games in falling on the road to Safety Blitz. Riley's Vikings received strong performances from Michael Vick, Anquan Boldin, and Alex Henry, but it wasn't enough as the team struggled to find the endzone. Coach Adam Warren is rumored to be relocating his team to Nashville, which may be having an impact on some of his players. Safety Blitz placed 4 players in double digits, led by Jay Cutler's 20 point effort. Coach Phillip Campbell was ecstatic with the play of his defense, stating that "I've been waiting on the 'dream team' to start performing all year long!"

League Standings

Per league rules and tie breakers, actual standings are as follows. Waiver order will be adjusted accordingly. Division leaders are automatically seeded 1 and 2. Ties are determined by head to head matchup. If the teams haven't played each other or multiple teams are tied and they haven't all played each other or there is a triangle effect (1 beat 2 but 2 beat 3 and 3 beat 1), tie breaker is determined by total points scored.

1. Young Gun Football (6-0)
2. The Pessimists (4-2)
3. Play Action Pass (4-2)
4. Carmichael's Crusaders (4-2)
5. Maddawg's Tight End (3-3)
6. Tebow's Youth Group (3-3)
7. Safety Blitz (3-3)
8. Illegal Alien Babies (3-3)
9. We Got Big TDs (2-4)
10. Toejam Football (2-4)
11. Riley's Vikings (1-5)
12. Campbell's Crusaders (1-5)

Manager Prediction Results

1. Tara Campbell 5-1 (83%)
2. Jason Young 4-2 (67%)
3. Phillip Campbell 4-2 (67%)
4. Matthew Campbell 3-3 (50%)

League Notes

Home teams went 4-2 in Week 6...Favorites went 4-2...Against the spread, teams went 1-5...Teams starting 3 wide receivers went 3-3...Teams starting twin tight ends went 1-1...Carmichael's Crusader's bench scored a league high 49 points...Only 2 teams scored more than 100 points as the bye weeks have made scoring difficult of late...The highest scoring team in the Thunder Division would be the lowest scoring team in the Lightning Division...PAP leads the league in scoring with 726 points...No other team has reached 700 points yet...The Pessimists lead the league in points against with 499...Tebow's Youth Group led the league in Week 6 with 109 points...Toejam Football lost despite scoring 90 points, which would have been enough to defeat 8 of the other 10 teams he did not play...No team is further than two games out of the playoff hunt...Ahmad Bradshaw led all players with 30 points behind a 3 touchdown effort...Aaron Rodgers led all signal callers with 29 points...Devin Hester led all pass catchers with 21 points, albeit with 6 of those points coming on a special teams touchdown...Jimmy Graham led all tight ends with 12 points...Robbie Gould led all claimed kickers with 15 points...The Jets led all defenses with 23 points.

Week 6 Preview

*Due to time constraints, the Week 6 Preview will be shorter than normal*

Game of the Week: Illegal Alien Babies (-7) @ Tebow's Youth Group

These two Thunder Division rivals will square off in Murfreesboro with the potential for both teams to have at least a share of first place at the conclusion of Week 6. The Illegal Alien Babies are hoping that Tom Brady's projected 29 points will come true on Sunday in a shootout against the Cowboys. Coach Darrell Campbell has had his squad painting his living room instead of practicing all week, telling reporters that his players need to earn their keep if they want to maintaint possession of their green cards. Tebow's Youth Group has been in the middle of controversy this week, as their namesake founder was picked up off the waiver wire by a rival team in the BHFFC. Coach Daniel Campbell's squad was visibly shaken by the acquisition, but Campbell sounded confident that the distraction would not play a factor on Sunday. "We'll be ready to roll on Sunday and you can take that to the bank," Campbell quipped.

If Hindsight was 20/20

Chris Johnson, the #2 overall draft choice, is currently ranked #21 out of all running backs. Johnson has broken 100 yards only once so far this season and has reached the endzone only once. On the contrary, Cam Newton, the #181 overall draft choice (16th round), is currently ranked the #3 QB in football and is also the #3 scorer overall in the BHFFC.

League Notes

Seven teams are projected to score 100 points or more, led by Play Action Pass with 130...Only Coaches Matthew Campbell and Miranda Maddux have yet to set their starting lineup for this weekend, a strange occurence, especially in the case of Campbell who likes to plan at least five years in advance...No team is more than one game out of the playoff race entering Week 6...Young Gun Football is the only team to go undefeated at home so far this season...YGF and PAP are the only undefeated teams on the road...PAP leads the league in scoring at 622...The Pessimists lead the league in points against at 421...YGF has the league's longest current winning streak at five games (the BHFFC record is seven)...Riley's Vikings are on a four game losing streak, the longest active streak in the league (the BHFFC record is also seven)...Aaron Rodgers is projected to lead all players with 29 points...Fred Jackson, Adrian Peterson, Darren McFadden, and Matt Forte are all projected to score 20 points to lead the running backs...Wes Welker is projected to lead all wide receivers with 19 points...Owen Daniels, Jimmy Graham, and Jermichael Finley are projected to lead tight ends with 12 points each...Jason Hanson is projected to lead the kickers with 14 points...The Packers, Jets, and Steelers are all projected to score 11 points to lead the defenses.

Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 6

Coach Young: “First, I would like to apologize for my absence at last week’s press conference. There is nothing that makes me sicker than watching pitiful execution on the football field and that’s what I saw from MT last Thursday.  I’d also like to announce that I just received word that our stadium expansion project has been approved by the Oakdale Planning Commission. When the construction is finished, our new capacity at Hell’s Half Acre will be over 92,000. Now, I’ll field some questions.”

Erin Andrew, ESPN: “Coach Young, you know I always love a winner and right now you are the cream of the crop (*winks). How does it feel to be undefeated 5 games into the season? Also coach, is there any chance of us getting together sometime for an “exclusive” interview?”

Coach Young: “Erin, it feels great. You spend so much time working to be successful and it feels great to see your hard work pay off. There is no time for us to kick back and smoke the cigars yet though; we still have 12 weeks to go. As I’ve said before, all we’re guaranteed right now is that we’ll finish no worse than 5-12. Perfection is difficult to achieve and we have a big target on our backs now because everyone we play amps their game up because they want to give us our first loss of the season. As Rick Flair says, “To be the man, you gotta beat the man. Woooo!” Right now, we are the man and everyone is gunning for us. And yes Erin, come see me in my office after the press conference and we’ll see about your “exclusive” interview.”

Murphy Fair, TSSAA Football Guru: “Coach, do you feel lucky to come back from Monterey with a win despite all of your special team breakdowns?”

Coach Young: “Luck had nothing to do with our victory. I was outcoached on special teams and defense this week and it almost cost us the game. Coach Looper knew that it would be a close game and he really worked hard to make sure his special teams could make the difference. We were horrible in that area last week, but our other playmakers stepped up and we won the game. Our special teams have been working overtime this week to make sure that doesn’t happen again. After Javid Best broke the 80 yard TD run, I told our guys to smell the blood in the water and attack like a hungry bull shark and that’s exactly what they did. I’m proud of them for showing a killer instinct especially in such a huge game under the lights with national attention. I definitely tip my cap to Coach Looper though. His Play Action Pass squad is a formidable opponent and played their guts out. I know he will have payback on his mind.”

Curtis Marlin, Portland Leader: “Jason, do you expect a huge blowout this week with the Big TD’s facing massive personnel problems?”

Coach Young: “First of all, you address me as Coach Young or Sir dammit! When you step onto Hell’s Half Acre, you will show some respect or I will teach you respect. No, I don’t expect a huge blowout this week. My guys have been distracted all week during film study due to the Big TD’s logo. I had to have the logo edited with a picture of BJ Hudson so my team could focus on the game and not the hot football chick. All the “Big TD” talk is a huge distraction around here, but I think we are finally focused on the task at hand. Coach T-Bone Campbell was putting up some impressive point totals at the start of the season and I know they are capable of doing it again. Sure, her squad is like a wounded animal this week, but that it the most dangerous kind of animal to mess with. Look what the Steelers did to the Titans last week despite all of their injury problems. I expect to take Coach Campbell’s best shot, but I remain confident that we will once again be victorious.”

Safety Blitz Press Conference-Week 6

Opening Statement: It was a great win this past weekend over a quality opponent. I tip my hat to Coach Matthew Campbell and the Cougars, they have a tremendous ballclub and will be a challenge when we meet again in Week 14. We have an opportunity this week-I have stressed this to my team-we have an opportunity to reach .500 for the first time since Week 15 of last season. That would be a tremendous accomplishment for this organization. We have a formidable opponent in Riley's Vikings and it will take our best effort and the aid of our home crowd to get it done. Questions?

Curtis Marlin, Portland Leader: Coach Campbell, the pundits are pointing to the fact that Campbell's Cougars had some key players out last week and the same is true of Riley's Vikings this week. As such, do you believe that your current success is merely a mirage due to good fortune in scheduling?

Coach Campbell: Curtis, I'm surprised that you can ask a question that requires such introspective intelligence. It's true, the Cougars were without some key personnel and the Vikings will be in the same boat this week. Is that my fault? Do you think that I made the schedule? I have nothing to do with any of that garbage. I take the players that are available to me each week and we are going to line up and hit whoever is across the line of scrimmage from us square in the mouth, be that who it may.

Justin Lamb, Columbia Daily Herald: Coach Campbell, I enjoyed your press conference buffet so much last week that I decided to write a special piece on your team this week. If you could, talk a little bit about the strategy you employed down the stretch on MNF in securing the last minute victory?

Coach Campbell: Justin, it's great to have you again. I agree, our staff puts on a tremendous buffet complete with fried crawfish and Jack Daniels whiskey. Going into MNF, I knew that it was going to be a tough battle. If you haven't heard, the Bears have cut all of their offensive linemen and will start a front five this week that consists of Travis Lawson, Josh Hughes, his brother Jay Hughes, my son Brooks, and my cat Dallas. They have also signed my cat's girlfriend, Purple Bear, to fill in at tight end on an as needed basis. Anyway, back to the game. We were fortunate that the Packers went into a prevent defense that allowed Forte to get open on a couple of check downs. At the end of the day it came down to execution, and we were fortunate to get it done.

Adam Sparks: Coach Campbell, do you believe that your team's success can have an impact on the disturbing state of the Blue Raiders?

Coach Campbell: Hell, I don't know Adam. What does my my football team have to do with them? Next question.

Adam Sparks: Sorry about that Coach. It's no secret that Coach Adam Warren is distracted with attempting to move his family to a new town and possibly spreading his seed to extend his family tree. What is your gameplan going into this weekend?

Coach Campbell: Spreading his seed?WTF? I didn't know that he was a farmer. Anyway, he has a hell of a football team that he's bringing to The Devil's Den on Sunday. It starts first and foremost with the dog catcher, Michael Vick. He's going to get his points, but we have to be able to contain him. Their running game is somewhat of a question mark, but as you saw a few weeks ago, Ryan Torain is capable of big things. The bottom line is we have to play assignment football. As long as we produce like we are capable of, I am fully confident that we can extend our winning streak to three games.

If there are no other questions, that will conclude the press conference. I invite you all to partake in the buffet and hope to see you all on Sunday along with our raucous crowd. Don't forget about the special appearance by my archery instructor at the end of the buffet line today.

We Got Big TDs Press Conference-Week 6

*Coach Tara “Bone” Campbell enters the press room with her “Bitch Mode” facial expression.  She sits in her seat, moves the microphone close and speaks in a low, monotone voice.*

Opening Statement: It has been a while since my last press conference.  There is a good reason for that….my team sucks and I have not had anything good to report.  My Big TDs are sagging under the pressure of competition.  I have no excuses for their shortcomings.  My staff and I are doing all that we know to do to help lift these Big TDs back up.  I will take your questions, even though I can’t promise that I have any answers.

Reporter:  Do you believe illness and injury have played a part in your team’s poor performance as of late?

Coach Bone:  No.  Every team has been touched by injury.  That is why I have a bench.  I expect them to perform when I call on them.  I pay them millions don’t I?  I expect them to put up points, regardless of whether they start or are step ins.  But my bench has not lived up to their paychecks.  Shit, neither have my starters.

Reporter:  Do you feel that is due to a bad draft?

Coach Bone:  I don’t think I had a bad draft.  I just have poor performance.  There is no point in discussing the draft at this point anyway.  I have to work with what God gave me.  And, right now, these are the biggest TDs I’ve got.

Reporter:  Are the rumors of an unorthodox practice regimen for your squad in preparation for YGF true?

Coach Bone:  I wouldn’t call it unorthodox.  Shirts and skins have been the way teams practice for decades.   Yes, it is true, that I burned all the practice jerseys for my team.  We are going back to the basics.  Our fans want to see some Big TDs so my team will scrimmage shirts versus skins until they  perk up to fan expectations.

Reporter:  You benched the Steelers defense and have been heard making comments about Mendenhall.  Do you have something against the Steelers?

Coach Bone:  Just because they are from the prettiest city I have ever been to, does not excuse the fact that the Steelers Defense has been useless this season going into Week 5.  Mendenhall has not been consistent.  I don’t ask that my TDs be the biggest, but I do expect them to hold their own week to week.  Mendenhall has yet to do that.  And the defense. ..I expected the Steelers defense to give my TDs the support they needed, but instead they just left me flopping in the wind.  I have seen water bras serve as a better supporting cast than the Steelers defense this year.  I will continue to bench both until they prove that they can consistently lift up these Big TDs and leave us a force to be reckoned with.

Reporter:  How do you feel about going into Week 6 against YGF?

Coach Bone:  How do you think I feel?  Half my team…HALF MY TEAM…will be out this week.  Of all weeks for me to play the number one team in the league, it has to be when half my team won’t be there.  I am sure Coach Young feels pretty confident about his chances of a blowout this week.  It is my hope that he will underestimate my Big TDs and be surprised by the fullness of my team’s desire to win. 

I am done with questions now.  I have made no bones about my disappointment in these Big TDs.  It is the desire of everyone on my staff and my team that my Big TDs will perk up a bit and start banging some balls sometime soon.  That being said, I will make no secret that I am not above shopping around for bigger TDs than what I currently have on my squad.  No one’s position is safe!

Week 5 Recap

Game of the Week I: Young Gun Football (114) @ Play Action Pass (112)

This game lived up to all of the hype and more, as the town of Monterey played host to one of the best BHFFC matchups to date. Play Action Pass raced out to a huge early lead in this high scoring affair and then hoped in earnest that the levee would hold. Young Gun Football chipped away as Sunday progressed, eventually cutting the deficit to 20 points at the conclusion on SNF. Coach David Looper's squad appeared to be in control after the first half of MNF, but then Jahvid Best exploded for an 88 yard touchdown run to cut the deficit from 18 to 4 in a matter of seconds. From that point forward, it was simply a question of whether or not Coach Jason Young's squad could complete the comeback against a Bears' defense that knew what was coming. Undaunted by the task at hand, Best took a handoff out of the shotgun formation and raced 43 yards to tie the game. He later tacked on 28 more yards to complete the amazing comeback. YGF had 6 players score in double digits, led by Aaron Rodgers' 27 point effort. Coach David Looper's squad was led by 24 points from Drew Brees, but it was Brees' costly interception that proved to be the deciding factor in this one.

Game of the Week II: Safety Blitz (99) @ Campbell's Cougars (97)

The Duck River was lapping at its banks as these two squads matched up in what became an instant classic. Safety Blitz entered MNF down by 27 points with Jay Cutler and Matt Forte left to play. While they cut the deficit to single digits by halftime, the horendous Chicago Bears' offensive line left Coach Phillip Campbell's squad down by three points with less than two minutes to play. Needing a 12 yard completion from Cutler to Forte to win it, the duo hooked up for a 17 yard strike to secure the victory. Coach Matthew Campbell's squad was led by rookie sensation Cam Newton, who put up 26 points in the valiant effort. Missed opportunities were a key factor for the Cougars, as they turned the ball over twice and missed a field goal, leaving eight points on the board.

Illegal Alien Babies (79) @ Riley's Vikings (66)

This defensive struggle was won by the Illegal Alien Babies as they pulled out the road victory over Riley's Vikings. The Alien Babies were led by 16 points from Tom Brady, who pieced together a solid performance against a tough Jets' secondary. Coach Darrell Campbell made the correct call in starting the Bengals' defense over the Falcons, as the cats returned a fumble for a touchdown in scoring 14 points. Riley's Vikings was led by Michael Vick's 25 points, which would have been even more if he hadn't thrown 4 interceptions. Coach Adam Warren stormed out of his office after the game without speaking with reporters.

Tebow's Youth Group (79) @ The Pessimists (56)

Tebow's Youth Group raced out to an early lead and then suffocated The Pessimists on MNF to secure the victory. TYG was led by 19 points from Philip Rivers and a steady supporting cast. Coach Daniel Campbell said after the game that while he is pleased with the victory, he is looking for a more consistent effort from his receiving corps. The Pessimists struggled throughout the contest, as Coach BJ Hudson's squad had four starters out due to byes. Coach Hudson refused to make excuses, however, instead blaming his offensive coordinator and repeatedly telling him to "throw the damn ball!" during MNF.

Maddawg's Tight End (100) @ Toejam Football (68)

This sibling rivalry got off to a one-sided start as Maddawg's Tight End defeated Toejam Football going away in their first ever meeting. Maddawg's Tight End placed 5 players in double digits, led by fill-in wide receiver James Jones' 20 points. Coach Miranda Maddux was upset with her teams' two turnovers, stating that "turnovers will get you beat in this league. Maybe not today, but at some point they will." Toejam Football was led by another outstanding day from Fred Jackson, who put up 25 points for the upstart Buffalo Bills. Coach Zach Maddux gambled and lost on Kyle Orton, as the Tim Tebow era appears to have started in Denver over the weekend. "What am I supposed to do," Maddux quipped, "when my starter is on a bye? I took a chance on Orton and it backfired. Now get out of my face!"

Carmichael's Crusaders (126) @ We Got Big TDs (65)

The stands in Portland began to empty before halftime as Carmichael's Crusaders put the hammer down on We Got Big TDs. The Crusaders were led by 30 points from 1st overall pick Adrian Peterson, who scored 3 touchdowns in the victory. Coach Ethan Hudson's squad placed six members in double digits in the rout. We Got Big TDs was led by 24 points from Matt Schaub in the losing effort. Coach Tara Campbell held a closed door meeting after the game with her team and could be heard screaming profanities all the way into the tunnel leading to the field.

Official Standings

Per league rules, the official standings are as follows. Waivers have been adjusted to reflect the standings. Standings are determined by head to head meetings followed by total points scored. If more than two teams are tied and all teams have not played each other, seeding is determined by total points scored.

1. Young Gun Football 5-0
2. The Pessimists 3-2
3. Play Action Pass 3-2
4. Carmichael's Crusaders 3-2
5. Maddawg's Tight End 3-2
6. Illegal Alien Babies 3-2
7. Toejam Football 2-3
8. We Got Big TDs 2-3
9. Safety Blitz 2-3
10. Tebow's Youth Group 2-3
11. Riley's Vikings 1-4
12. Campbell's Cougars 1-4

Manager Prediction Results

A season high six managers participated in this week's predictions!

1. Jason Young 6-0 (100%)
2. Daniel Campbell 4-2 (67%)
3. Phillip Campbell 4-2 (67%)
4. Tara Campbell 4-2 (67%)
5. Ethan Hudson 4-2 (67%)
6. Matthew Campbell 3-2 (60%)

Overall standings will be posted in the Week 6 Preview.

League Notes

Home teams went 0-6 in Week 5...Favorites went 5-1...Teams went 2-4 against the spread...Only 4 teams scored over 100 points in Week 5...Average margin of victory in Week 5 was 23.8 points...Two games were decided in the final five minutes of MNF...Carmichael's Crusaders led all teams with 126 points...Adrian Peterson led all starting players with 30 points...Aaron Rodgers led all QBs with 27 points...Dwayne Bowe led all starting wide receivers with 24 points...Vernon Davis led all starting tight ends with 15 points...Sebastian Janikowski kicked 3 field goals of 50+ yards as he posted 20 points to lead the kickers...The 49ers led all defenses with 22 points as they dismantled the Bucaneers...Teams starting three wide receivers went 4-3...Teams starting twin tight ends went 0-1...Pickup of the week goes to Coach Tara Campbell, as she grabbed Jackie Battle at the last second and her Big TDs rode him to the tune of 13 points.

Week 5 Preview

Game of the Week: Young Gun Football (-11) @ Play Action Pass

The pads will be popping and the scoreboard may need its bulbs changed at halftime in what is sure to be an instant classic between the top two scoring offenses in the league as YGF invades Monterey to battle PAP. YGF will look to Aaron Rodgers to lead the way once again, as the love of all cheese heads has simply been unstoppable of late. Coach Jason Young is hopeful that his ground game can get it going so that his big-play receivers will have more opportunities downfield. PAP will depend on a formidle QB of their own in Drew Brees, as the Saints signal caller will look to shred the Panthers' secondary. Coach David Looper has been playing up the underdog role all week in hopes of providing extra motivation to his team. All things being equal, this game could easily be decided by field goals.

Maddawg's Tight End (-10) @ Toejam Football

This first-ever meeting of sibling rivalries will have the Duck River lapping at its banks as Maddawg's Tight End travels across town to butt heads with Toejam Football. MTE has been hit hard by injury in recent weeks and will put together a patchwork offensive attack in Week 5. Coach Miranda Maddux has been mum on her starting lineup, refusing to give away any hint of what she might do come Sunday. Toejam Football has question marks of their own at the QB position, as both QBs on their roster are on a bye this week. Coach Zach Maddux refused comment when asked about the situation and told the reporter, "If you're not here to buy paint, you need to get the hell out of my store." Look for this game to be determined by MTE ability to contain the three-headed running attack of Toejam Football.

Carmichael's Crusaders (-40) @ We Got Big TDs

Carmichael's Crusaders travel up Hwy 109 to take on We Got Big TDs in a matchup of 2-2 teams in the Lightning Division. The Crusaders will continue to lean heavily on their three wide receiver set, as the trio has caused matchup problems with oppositions all year. Coach Ethan Hudson, a very animated head coach on the sideline, will attempt to keep his team grounded as they enter this contest as a heavy road favorite. We Got Big TDs will look to piece together an offensive gameplan this week, as injuries and byes have combined to put them in a vulnerable position for Week 5. Coach Tara Campbell has been vocally critical of her team this week, challenging them to 'sack up and show some balls' during her press conference. We Got Big TDs' three wide receivers have to put up points in order to have a chance in this one.

Tebow's Youth Group (-21) @ The Pessimists

Tebow's Youth Group will look to get back on track in Newburn, TN over the weekend as they face The Pessimists. TYG, looking to end a three game losing streak, will turn to Philip Rivers to lead them against a disatrous Broncos' pass defense. Coach Daniel Campbell is looking for increased production from running backs Mark Ingram and Ahmad Bradshaw as well. The Pessimists will rely on two backup running backs, Jonathan Stewart and Pierre Thomas, to lead the rushing attack in Week 5. Coach BJ Hudson's squad is being hit hard by the bye week, with a league high five players on bye this weekend. Everything else being equal on paper, look for this game to be determined by running back production.

Illegal Alien Babies (-37) @ Riley's Vikings

The Illegal Alien Babies will look to keep pace in the Thunder Division as they travel down I-40W to take on Riley's Vikings. The IAB are hopeful that Tom Brady can turn their much anticipated matchup with the Jets into a high scoring affair and avoid the defensive stalemate that Coach Rex Ryan will attempt to create. Coach Darrell Campbell is very confident going into this game, as he gave his team an off day on Friday so that he could play golf in Spring Hill. Riley's Vikings have struggled to establish consistency this year and will look to end a three game losing streak on Sunday. Coach Adam Warren will have Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick back in his starting lineup after a one game hiatus for a rumored visit to the local pound, which is a violation of Vick's contract. This game could very easily come down to the Detroit Lions' performance on MNF.

Safety Blitz (-7) @ Campbell's Cougars

In a game with the smallest pregame spread, Safety Blitz Travels to Columbia to face Campbell's Cougars in a battle of Thunder Division siblings. Safety Blitz will look to Arian Foster and Dwayne Bowe to lead the offensive attack and attempt to win a 2nd game in a row after losing seven straight. Coach Phillip Campbell is rumored to be bringing his squad by rafts down the Duck River instead of via bus in an effort to instill a blue-collar attitude in his players. Campbell's Cougars are hopeful that Cam Newton can keep pace in what is sure to be a shootout at home against the Saints. Coach Matthew Campbell will look to Frank Gore and Michael Bush to lead the rushing attack for a backfield that is thin this week due to byes. This game will be decided by Jay Cutler's ability to match the produciton from rookie phenom Cam Newton.

Home Sweet Home

Home teams are a combined 14-10 so far this season. The Pessimists, Young Gun Football, Toejam Football, and We Got Big TDs are all undefeated at home this year. Only two teams, Young Gun Football and Play Action Pass, are undefeated on the road.

Previous Matchups

Safety Blitz is 2-0 all-time versus Campbell's Cougars...YGF and PAP split their two meetings last year...Tebow's Youth Group split their two meetings with The Pessimists last year...Illegal Alien Babies hold a 2-1 edge over Riley's Vikings.

Getting Offensive

The matchup between YGF and PAP is sure to an offensive shootout as evidenced by a look inside the numbers:

• YGF and PAP own two of the top three overall scorers in the BHFFC
• Both teams own a top 10 running back
• PAP owns the #1 scoring wide receiver
• Both teams own one of the top three scoring tight ends
• Both team own two of the top four scoring defenses

League Notes

Every home team is projected as an underdog in Week 5...Seven teams are projected to eclipse the 100 point mark...Safety Blitz, The Pessimists, and Carmichael's Crusaders all have a league-high two players in action on MNF...Every game has at least one player involved in MNF except for MTE @ Toejam Football, but each of those teams has yet to announce their official starting lineup...The Illegal Alien Babies are projected to lead all teams with 133 points...Aaron Rodgers and Matthew Stafford are projected to lead all players with 30 points each...Arian Foster is projected to lead all running backs with 26 points...Calvin 'Megatron' Johnson is projected to lead all wide receivers with 22 points...Owen Daniels, Brandon Pettigrew, and Jimmy Graham are projected to lead the tight ends with 13 points...David Akers is projected to lead all owned kickers with 11 points...The Giants are projected to lead all defenses with 13 points.

Safety Blitz Press Conference-Week 5

Opening Statement: It feels good to be in the win column again. I would be dishonest if I didn't say that the pressure of the losing streak had a negative impact on my football team. It's tough to lose. However, we have high character players in that locker room who continued to work and fight every week. Hopefully we can build off of our victory and continue to make progress. We have our hands full yet again this weekend with Cougars. Columbia is a tough place to play so we will have to put forth our best effort to have a chance to win. Questions?

Monte Hale: Coach Campbell, you have been getting ripped on the message boards by all of the slappies like THEBLUERAIDER and the like. I know that they are all morons and have no clue what they are talking about, but how does that impact your organization?

Coach Campbell: Monte, thanks for stopping by, we needed some more arrogance in the room. Listen Monte, I just learned how to text a few years back, so I have no clue how to get on a message board. Plus you have to remember that I live in Portland, where we just got paved roads and cable TV recently. Internet activity is not the strength of the town, to say the least.

Kermit Davis: Coach Campbell, thanks again for letting me speak to your class a few years ago, that was just great. Listen, don't pay any attention to all of the haters out there, they all think they have everything figured out but really have no clue what is going on. Just keep believing Coach!

Coach Campbell: Coach Davis, I am honored and humbled by such an outstanding coach to be in attendance at my press conference. Thank you for your support, and know that I will always be in your corner regardless of what all of The Pessimists think.

Adam Sparks: Coach Campbell, while I was on campus covering the Blue Raiders last weekend I heard rumors of a meeting that took place between six other members of the BHFFC to discuss a possible boycott of trading with Safety Blitz. Have you heard anything about this meeting and what are your thoughts on a possible boycott?

Coach Campbell: Adam, listen son. I'm a thinking man. The wheels are constantly turning in my head. I'm looking at all scenarios and I make propositions based on my findings. If other organizations are so backwards in their thinking that they can't see my rationale, that's not my problem. Truth be told, if they are taking time to discuss trading with me, they are losing time in their game preparations each week and my master plan is working. At the end of the day, I'm looking to make a solid, fair trade. Solid and fair are subjective measurements though, so you'll have to make your own judgment in that regard. But I do appreciate the knowledge of their discussions. The mental aspect of this game goes a long way.

Justin Lamb, Columbia Daily Herald: Coach Campbell, what is your strategy for dealing with the crowd here in Columbia this weekend? An already festive bunch will be even rowdier with the Spring Hill vs. Columbia football game kicking off the sports weekend tonight. On top of that, Dan Uggla is rumored to be in town for the pregame coin toss. How will your team handle 'The Mule Capital of the World?'

Coach Campbell: We've got a tough road to hoe, no doubt about it Justin. Our defense has been suspect this year and we have struggled to contain the run. With the Cougars utilizing a twin tight end set, we're feeding our players extra taters and cornbread this week to beef them up prior to kickoff. In watching our film, I'm reminded of the Wendy's commercial that asks, 'Where's the beef!' We have to get bigger up front to contain the run game. We're fortunate that Jackson is on a bye this week, but Gore and Bush still present a formidable 1-2 punch. We know the field conditions are tough with the stadium being right on the Duck River. 'Old South Charm, New South Progress' is what the sign reads when you hit the city limits, but we know we're going into a hornets' nest on Sunday.

Curtis Marlin, Portland Leader: Coach Campbell, it's no secret that all of your football teams have combined for a 5-14 record this year. How do you plan to turn that around and who is going to start under center this week?

Coach Campbell: Thanks Curtis, I appreciate your once-weekly newspaper that charges over $750 for a full page advertisement in a town of 10,000 citizens. We're going to keep working hard every day. What else can you do? We're going to keep swinging the axe and chopping the tree. As far as our QB situation is concerned, that will be a game time decision. I feel comfortable with both of our quarterbacks so I won't make a decision on that until Sunday morning.

Closing Statement: Thank you for attending this week's press conference. My absence last week brought a heavy fine from the commissioner, but my team is more important to me than my relationship with the media. I look forward to our trip to Columbia and our pregame visit to the National Headquarters of The Sons of the Confederate Veterans.

Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 5

*Breaking News*

-Young Gun Football has cancelled its weekly press conference due to being too distraught after the MT loss to WKU. Coach Young's only statement to the media was "I respect Play Action Pass as they lead the league in scoring, but after the ineptness I witnessed last night by the Blue Raiders, Young Gun Football will be looking to take out some frustration come Sunday."

Week 4 Recap

Game of the Week: Toejam Football (87) @ Safety Blitz (97)

Safety Blitz snapped their league record seven game losing streak in defeating Toejam Football over the weekend. Toejam Football, fresh off of a name change that may bring legal action from the league office, was led by Tony Romo's 25 point performance. The QB turned the ball over three times, however, which nearly proved to be the difference in this one. Safety Blitz received monster ground performances from Matt Forte and Arian Foster, who combined to score 50 points. Coach Phillip Campbell was showered with gatorade late on MNF and was visibly elated to finally win again.

Young Gun Football (140) @ Tebow's Youth Group (89)

For all of the hype leading up to this matchup, it was over nearly as quickly as it started as QB Aaron Rodgers continues his pursuit towards the BHFFC MVP award. YGF was led by the aforementioned Rodgers, as the gunslinger put up a league record 53 point performance. Coach Jason Young was rendered speechless both during and after the game and was seen with his mouth hanging open in awe on numerous occassions. TYG was led by the hard hitting Ravens' defense, as they produced a monster 30 point performance. Coach Daniel Campbell was not pleased with the play of his skill positions, however, as his running backs and pass catchers combined to score a total of 28 points.

Maddawg's Tight End (66) @ Illegal Alien Babies (93)

In this matchup of future in-laws, it was the Alien Babies who dealt the first blow in what is sure to be many meetings with Maddawg's Tight End. MTE was led by 12 points from Owen Daniels and double digits from both Marshawn Lynch and LeSean McCoy. Coach Miranda Maddux was again struck by the injury bug, however, as receive Andre Johnson pulled up lame in his matchup versus the Steelers. The Illegal Alien Babies were led by Tom Brady's 21 points and another strong performance from their spread offensive attack. Coach Darrell Campbell three wide receivers combined to produce 41 points in the victory.

Carmichael's Crusaders (128) @ Campbell's Cougars (101)

Carmichael's Crusaders extended their winning streak to two games in defeating Campbell's Cougars in Columbia over the weekend. The Crusaders were led by their three wide receiver set, as Calvin Johnson, Hakeem Nicks, and Greg Jennings combined to score 59 points. Coach Ethan Hudson was not all smiles afterwards though, as he said he needs more consistency from his tight end position in order to stay competitive in the BHFFC. Campbell's Cougars received another strong performance from rookie QB Cam Newton, who, despite not being able to read past a 3rd grade level, put up 33 points. Coach Matthew Campbell was seen throwing his visor on the sideline multiple times and is rumored to be consulting with Langdon Stanley regarding personnel decisions.

Play Action Pass (136) @ Riley's Vikings (68)

Play Action Pass scored early and often yet again in doubling up Riley's Vikings. PAP was led by 21 points from Wes Welker as Coach David Looper saw 7 of his players score in double digits. Riley's Vikings received a 22 point performance from newly acquired QB Eli Manning, but it wasn't enough to pull out the victory on the island in the Mississippi. Coach Adam Warren was left looking for answers as six of his starters scored five points or less.


We Got Big TDs (64) @ The Pessimists (93)

The Pessimists held serve in defeating We Got Big TDs in Newburn over the weekend. We Got Big TDs was led by 15 points from TE Jason Witten. Coach Tara Campbell received an unusual poor performance from Rob Gronkowski and continues to wonder when the Steelers' defense will get on track. The Pessimists returned to the win column behind another solid performance from sophomore QB Matthew Stafford. Coach BJ Hudson was not pleased with the production from his kicking game, as John Kasay missed two of his five field goal attempts.

Manager Prediction Results

Coach Phillip Campbell was the only manager to participate in Week 4. He went 4-2.

Surprise, Surprise

According to poll results, the Buffalo Bills are the biggest surprise team in the NFL this season, receiving 8 of 11 votes. The Detroit Lions finished 2nd with 3 votes.
 

League Notes


Home teams went 3-3 this week...Teams favored to win went 5-1...Teams went 5-1 against the spread...Teams using a spread attack went 3-3...Teams using twin tight ends went 0-1...The Illegal Alien Babies bench scored 73 points, enough to defeat 3 teams during Week 4...Four teams scored over 100 points in Week 4...One team scored over 100 points and lost...The average margin of victory in Week 4 was a whopping 35.3 points...The Thunder Division and Lightning Division split their games at three each this week...Every game was either officially or virtually over entering MNF...Aaron Rodgers' 53 points would have been enough to defeat Safety Blitz on his own in Week 3...Play Action Pass led all teams with 130 points...Rodgers obviously led all players with 53 points...Matt Forte led all starting running backs with 28 points...Hakeem Nicks led all starting wide receivers with 22 points...Jimmy Graham led all tight ends with 19 points...Jason Hanson led all starting kickers with 12 points...The Ravens led all defenses with 30 points...Three of the six positions had a high scoring player that was not in a starting lineup, including Pierre Garcon (Safety Blitz), Beanie Wells (IAB), and Ryan Succup (FA)...YGF extended their league high winning streak to four games.

Week 4 Preview

Game of the Week: We Got Big TDs (+19) @ The Pessimists

These former graduate school classmates square off in the battle of the '4th of July, Shooter Style' as We Got Big TDs travels to Newburn to face The Pessimists. The Big TDs enter the game as a big underdog despite being on a two game winning streak. Coach Tara Campbell will send her twin tight end set into action once again on Sunday, hopeful that Rob Gronkowski and Jason Witten can continue to put up huge numbers. The Pessimists enter this week's game with a sour taste in their mouth after having their six game winning streak snapped last week. Coach BJ Hudson is looking for Matthew Stafford and Santana Moss to lead his team to victory on Sunday. Look for this game to be determined by The Pessimists running backs' ability to run the football against two tough defenses on Sunday.

Play Action Pass (-27) @ Riley's Vikings

Play Action Pass takes their high octane offense to the tiny island on the Mighty Miss as they prepare to lock horns with Riley's Vikings. Play Action Pass will look to Drew Brees and Wes Welker to continue to lead the scoring barrage. Coach David Looper believes that Julio Jones will continue to be productive as well, as the rookie receiver delivered a breakout performance in Week 3. Riley's Vikings enters the game on a two game losing streak and a new look offense. After several trades, Coach Adam Warren believes that he has the right recipe for success behind Eli Manning and Chris Johnson. Look for this game to be determined by each team's production from the RB2 and Flex positions.

Carmichael's Crusaders (-24) @ Campbell's Cougars

Carmichael's Crusaders, despite their off the field troubles that surfaced prior to the start of MTSU's game Saturday night, will invade Columbia to battle Campbell's Cougars in a battle of 1-2 ballclubs. The Crusaders will rely on Adrian Peterson and Calvin Johnson to continue to put up Nintendo like numbers on the season. Coach Ethan Hudson is hoping to keep the winning taste in his mouth after securing his 1st career victory last weekend. Campbell's Cougars are looking to get on track behind rookie QB Cam Newton, who has had a breakout season so far. Coach Matthew Campbell's squad has battled the injury bug this year, as key running backs Frank Gore and Steven Jackson have yet to come into their own on the season. The outcome of this game will likely rest on the ability of Gore and Jackson to finish the game in a healthy state.

Maddawg's Tight End (+11) @ Illegal Alien Babies

Maddawg's Tight End will make the trek down 840 to Murfreesboro to battle their future father-in-law and the Illegal Alien Babies. The Tight End enter the game as an underdog despite their two game winning streak and high scoring offense. Coach Miranda Maddux will continue to deploy a three wide receiver set despite the season ending injury to Kenny Britt. Look for LeSean McCoy and Andre Johnson to receive increased touches in this one to replace the production lost from Britt. The Alien Babies will counter with a spread offensive set as well as they look to chunk the ball all over the field on Sunday. Coach Darrell Campbell is rumored to have chants of "Who's your Daddy?" echoing through the loud speakers in an effort to intimidate his future daughter-in-law. In a really even matchup, look for this one to come down to the production at the RB2 position.

Young Gun Football (-19) @ Tebow's Youth Group

Young Gun Football heads across town to take on Tebow's Youth Group in a matchup that is quickly becoming one of the best rivalries in the BHFFC. YGF enters the contest as the only undefeated team in the league, riding a league high three game winning streak. Coach Jason Young is looking for his Jets defense to step up to the plate in what should be a no holds bar matchup with the Ravens. TYG will look to Philip Rivers to right the ship after a disappointing performance in Week 3. Coach Daniel Campbell will debut newly acquired running back Ahmad Bradshaw on Sunday in hopes of jump starting his running attack. Look for this game to be determined by TYG receivers' ability to matchup with their counterparts of YGF.

Team Maddux (-8) @ Safety Blitz

Team Maddux will look to continue their winning ways against a reeling Safety Blitz squad this weekend at 'The Devil's Den.' Team Maddux, one game back in the Lightning Division, will unleash their three-headed monster at tailback in Maurice Jones-Drew, Fred Jackson, and Darren McFadden. Coach Zach Maddux is hopeful that injured QB Tony Romo can continue to gut it out and produce despite having only one lung. Safety Blitz enters the contest on a league record seven game winning steak looking for answers and amid a swarm of controversy. Coach Phillip Campbell has not been available to the media all week, but reports are out that his team has had a solid week of practice. The outcome of this one should be determined by the ability of Team Maddux' RB1 and RB2 to produce against two high scoring offensive teams.

Century Markers

Team Maddux and Play Action Pass are the only teams to score more than 100 points in each game this season. On the flip side, Safety Blitz, Riley's Vikings, Illegal Alien Babies, and Campbell's Cougars have yet to break 100 points in a game this season.

Against the Odds

So far this season, teams that have been favored entering their matchup have gone a combined 9-9. Against the spread, teams have combined to go 7-11.

Matchup Histories

Safety Blitz and Team Maddux split their two meetings last season...YGF and TYG split their two meetings last season...We Got Big TDs and The Pessimists split their two meetings last year.

League Notes

Home teams are 11-7 this season...YGF, Big TDs, TYG, and Team Maddux are all undefeated at home...YGF and Maddawg's Tight End are the only undefeated road teams on the year...Teams using a spread offense are 6-7 so far this year...Teams using a twin tight end set are 2-0 on the season...Play Action Pass leads the league with 374 total points scored...YGF has given up a league low 249 points against...This marks the second of seven non-divisional weeks of play...The Thunder Division will host all six games this week after the Lightning Division hosted all six last week...Safety Blitz, TYG, and The Pessimsts' point totals have decreased during each week of play...The Lightning Division is favored to win four of the six games this week...Carmichael's Crusaders and Play Action Pass are projected to lead the league with 125 points each...Nine teams are projected to score over 100 points in Week 4...Tom Brady is projected to lead all players with 29 points...Adrian Peterson is projected to lead the mail carriers with 24 points...Calvin Johnson is projected to lead all receivers with 20 points...Rob Gronkowski is projected to score 15 points to lead all tight ends...Neil Rackers is projected to lead the one-barred bandits with 11 points...The Redskins are projected to lead all defenses with 11 points.