Blue Hellion Illustrated

Young Gun Football: Reloaded

Jay Marrioti, Around the Horn / Chicago Tribune

You could sense it hovering on the first cool night air of autumn. There is a type of electricity in the Monday night air that cannot be truly explained, only experienced. Young Gun Football stood on the edge of a second straight come from behind victory in the waning moments of Monday Night Football at Hell’s Half Acre. As the score tightened, everyone knew what was coming. It’s like watching a tiger crouched silently; ready to strike, with an intense focus on its face. Everything is quiet and peaceful and you still feel like you have a chance to escape, but then in an instant, BOOM, the tiger pounces and it’s all over in one fatal crushing blow. Such is life for teams in the Blue Hellion Fantasy Football Confederation. In back to back weeks YGF has owned the 4^th quarter coming from 20 and 27 points down respectively on their way to a 6-0 start. Does this Young Gun squad have enough magic in them this year to bring home the Confederation Cup? Only time will tell, but there seems to be a sense of destiny with this team and this franchise. However, that has not always been the case for Coach Jason Young’s fantasy squads. He has endured more than his fair share of heartache in a long and crazy rollercoaster ride patrolling the front office and sidelines.

        

It all began around 14 years ago in the Murfreesboro Football League (MFL) when Coach Young took over the expansion team Piss Ant Football. The Piss Ants made a huge splash in the MFL making the playoffs in a 16 team league in their inaugural season. The league back then was a TD only league as there was no type of computer system for tracking statistics as easily as today. Rosters had to be phoned in to the commissioner before midnight on Saturday and each player kept up with their own score and had to phone it in as well on Tuesday afternoon. It was a different world to say the least. The following season, Piss Ant Football looked to build on the success from year 1. After the draft, Coach Young noticed that Randall Cunningham was still available and, in need of a back-up, he added the veteran to his roster. Four weeks into the season, Piss Ant Football was undefeated and after the Vikings starting QB was injured, another owner approached Coach Young about a possible trade as Cunningham would be taking over as the starter in Minnesota. Randall Cunningham angrily opposed the trade, saying he wanted to win a championship as part of the Piss Ant organization, but Coach Young nevertheless pulled the trigger on the trade. On the way out of the door, Cunningham placed a hex on Coach Young’s Piss Ant organization saying, “If you think the Curse of the Bambino in Boston or the Curse of the Goat in Chicago are bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” And thus Cunningham’s Curse was born. The Piss Ant’s would stumble badly down the stretch and miss the playoffs, while Randall Cunningham went on to be the NFL MVP and lead his fantasy squad to a championship. Over the next 10 seasons, Piss Ant Football would be a staple in the MFL making the playoffs 7 times, but with the curse looming the Piss Ant’s failed to win a single playoff game going 0-6 from 1999-2007. And they just didn’t lose, they lost spectacularly. In one instance, as the last playoff game of the weekend was coming to a close, the only thing that could knock off the Piss Ant’s would be a TD pass from Steve Young to a young Terrell Owens. Coach Young thought the curse was lifted only to see a nightmare play out as his cousin Steve Young hit TO for the TD. Terrell Owens was seen crying after the catch as so was the entire Piss Ant organization. In another playoff series, Coach Young only needed then Bengals QB Carson Palmer to produce 14 points to win a playoff game only to see Palmer’s knee crushed on the first series of the game along with the hopes of the Piss Ant’s. Was it Cunningham’s ghost that pushed the D lineman into Palmer or was it all just bad luck?

The Piss Ant’s were able to adapt to the changing fantasy football rules and massive growth during this time making the playoffs virtually every season. They endured one season where return yards on kicks and punts counted just like rushing yards. This lead to the “Dante Hall” rule as Hall would single handedly beat teams with his return skills. But the Piss Ant’s couldn’t get past the curse. Finally, in 2008 the Piss Ant’s had the best record in the league and received a first round bye. This meant they had already been the furthest in their playoff history and they were able to finally win a playoff game before losing in the championship game.  Cunningham’s curse was seemingly broken. That season, however, was marred by the MFL’s turnover rate of owners and several douchebags had subsequently joined the league. After much debate, the Piss Ant organization felt it was time to end its tenure in the MFL and withdrew its franchise. They finished with a career 1-7 playoff record during a 12 year run. After taking a hiatus in 2009 and doing several broadcasting gigs, Coach Young felt it was time to return to the fantasy football ranks. After some discussions with former Piss Ant Football consultant Phillip Campbell, Coach Young agreed to join the newly created Blue Hellion Football Confederation and brought with him a new franchise – Young Gun Football. Coach Young credits his experiences running Piss Ant Football with making Young Gun Football a dominating franchise in the BHFFC. With another first round playoff loss on his record though, Coach Young refuses to get complacent even after a 6-0 start and back to back miracle wins. After all, he still has 0 championships and can’t help but wonder if somewhere Randall Cunningham isn’t sitting back laughing at that statistic. After the last two weeks, though, you can’t help but wonder if Coach Young’s squad will be the one getting the last laugh.