Coach Young: “First, I would like to apologize for my absence at last week’s press conference. There is nothing that makes me sicker than watching pitiful execution on the football field and that’s what I saw from MT last Thursday. I’d also like to announce that I just received word that our stadium expansion project has been approved by the Oakdale Planning Commission. When the construction is finished, our new capacity at Hell’s Half Acre will be over 92,000. Now, I’ll field some questions.”
Erin Andrew, ESPN: “Coach Young, you know I always love a winner and right now you are the cream of the crop (*winks). How does it feel to be undefeated 5 games into the season? Also coach, is there any chance of us getting together sometime for an “exclusive” interview?”
Coach Young: “Erin, it feels great. You spend so much time working to be successful and it feels great to see your hard work pay off. There is no time for us to kick back and smoke the cigars yet though; we still have 12 weeks to go. As I’ve said before, all we’re guaranteed right now is that we’ll finish no worse than 5-12. Perfection is difficult to achieve and we have a big target on our backs now because everyone we play amps their game up because they want to give us our first loss of the season. As Rick Flair says, “To be the man, you gotta beat the man. Woooo!” Right now, we are the man and everyone is gunning for us. And yes Erin, come see me in my office after the press conference and we’ll see about your “exclusive” interview.”
Murphy Fair, TSSAA Football Guru: “Coach, do you feel lucky to come back from Monterey with a win despite all of your special team breakdowns?”
Coach Young: “Luck had nothing to do with our victory. I was outcoached on special teams and defense this week and it almost cost us the game. Coach Looper knew that it would be a close game and he really worked hard to make sure his special teams could make the difference. We were horrible in that area last week, but our other playmakers stepped up and we won the game. Our special teams have been working overtime this week to make sure that doesn’t happen again. After Javid Best broke the 80 yard TD run, I told our guys to smell the blood in the water and attack like a hungry bull shark and that’s exactly what they did. I’m proud of them for showing a killer instinct especially in such a huge game under the lights with national attention. I definitely tip my cap to Coach Looper though. His Play Action Pass squad is a formidable opponent and played their guts out. I know he will have payback on his mind.”
Curtis Marlin, Portland Leader: “Jason, do you expect a huge blowout this week with the Big TD’s facing massive personnel problems?”
Coach Young: “First of all, you address me as Coach Young or Sir dammit! When you step onto Hell’s Half Acre, you will show some respect or I will teach you respect. No, I don’t expect a huge blowout this week. My guys have been distracted all week during film study due to the Big TD’s logo. I had to have the logo edited with a picture of BJ Hudson so my team could focus on the game and not the hot football chick. All the “Big TD” talk is a huge distraction around here, but I think we are finally focused on the task at hand. Coach T-Bone Campbell was putting up some impressive point totals at the start of the season and I know they are capable of doing it again. Sure, her squad is like a wounded animal this week, but that it the most dangerous kind of animal to mess with. Look what the Steelers did to the Titans last week despite all of their injury problems. I expect to take Coach Campbell’s best shot, but I remain confident that we will once again be victorious.”
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