Week 12 Recap

Game of the Week: Safety Blitz (81) @ The Comeback Kids (82)

The Comeback Kids defended their home turf and in the process pulled within one game of the final playoff spot in the BHFFC. Coach Daniel Campbell received 46 points from his 3 running backs in the victory, which helped to overcome a shaky performance from his receiving corps and 4 interceptions from Peyton Manning. Safety Blitz wide receiver Wes Welker got his squad off to a great start with 21 points on Thursday, but the rest of the team was unable to find the endzone in the losing effort. Coach Phillip Campbell was visibly upset with the Rams offensive coordinator, who he felt did not make good use of Pro Bowl running back Steven Jackson. "You've got one of the best running backs in the game going against a porous defense and you don't give him the damn ball? Something has to change here," quipped Coach Campbell.

Illegal Alien Babies (123) @ Riley's Vikings (106)

The Illegal Alien Babies pulled off the upset on the road in this non-divisional matchup. With the win, Coach Darrell Campbell's surging squad pulled within one game of the playoff picture. The Alien Babies received a third straight 20+ point performance from running back Fred Jackson and a monster game from rookie quarterback Sam Bradford. Riley's Vikings got a big day from quarterback Tom Brady and running back Mike Tolbert, but suffered a huge injury with the loss of running back Frank Gore. Coach Adam Warren was very emotional when speaking about Gore's injury after the game Monday night, saying that "Frank was like the son I've never had."

Young Gun Football (94) @ The Pessimists (71)

Young Gun Football pulled out a key Lightning Division victory in Camden over The Pessimists. YGF received a third straight double digit performance from running back Knowshon Moreno, who continues to regain his form coming off of an injury. Coach Jason Young was very pleased with the play from quarterback Eli Manning and running back Rashard Mendenhall in pulling back into the top six in the league standings. The Pessimists had a dismal performance overall, as running backs Chris Johnson and Jahvid Best combined to score 0 points. Coach BJ Hudson called Johnson out after the game, saying "I spent the second pick in the draft on his ugly ass. He's not here to look pretty, that's for sure."

Hit Squad (104) @ One-Man Wolf Pack (81)

The Hit Squad won on the road to take hold of first place in the Lightning Division and second place in the league overall. Coach David Looper had five players score in double digits, led once again by Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick and Arian Foster. The Wolf Pack continued their recent struggles, as running back LaDanian Tomlinson and flex receiver Braylon Edwards combined to score seven points. Coach Zach Maddux went on a lengthy tirade after the game, calling out everyone from his coordinators to the Columbia School Board.

The Hail Marys (81) @ Charlie's Redrockets (107)

Charlie's Redrockets defended their home turf and pulled within one game of the sixth and final playoff spot with five weeks left to play in the regular season. Coach Matthew Campbell received 38 points combined from fill in running backs Mike Goodson and Maurice Morris. Coach Campbell is hopeful that the two running backs have performed well enough to earn starting jobs on their respective teams. The Hail Marys got another monster day from frothing beast Peyton Hillis, who put up 37 points from his running back position. Coach Tara Campbell was left searching for answers from the bottom of her lineup, however, as her tight end, flex, kicker, and defense combined to score 10 points.

Manager Prediction Results

1. Matthew Campbell 3-2 (60%)
2. Adam Warren 2-3 (40%)
3. Daniel Campbell 2-3 (40%)
4. Darrell Campbell 2-3 (40%)
5. Phillip Campbell 0-1 (0%)

*Updated Manager Prediction Standings will be available in the Week 13 Preview*

Pickup of the Week

Coach Matthew Campbell rolled the dice on Detroit running back Maurice Morris and came up with snake eyes as Morris scored 2 touchdowns and put up 19 points from the RB2 position to lead Charlie's Redrockets to the upset victory.

Upset Specials

Every game in Week 12 was won by the team that had the lower position in the league standings entering the week.

Not So Sweet Home

Of the 5 games during Week 12, road teams went 4-1. The only home team to win in Week 12 was Charlie's Redrockets.

Tight Standings

Per our league rules, the actual standings are listed below. The waiver order has been changed to reflect these standings.

1. The Hail Marys
2. Hit Squad
3. One-Man Wolf Pack
4. Young Gun Football
5. Riley's Vikings
6. Safety Blitz
7. The Pessimists
8. The Comeback Kids
9. Charlie's Redrockets
10. Illegal Alien Babies

Poll Results

In our mock election of five votes, Obama was voted out of office by a vote of five to zero.

League Notes

Hit Squad carries the longest current winning streak with four games...Two games separate the league's first place team from the league's last place team...Four teams scored over 100 points in Week 12...The Lightning Division went 1-0 against the Thunder Division in Week 12...Peyton Hillis and Tom Brady led all players in Week 12 with 37 points...Dwayne Bowe caught 3 touchdowns to lead all wide receivers with 35 points...Todd Heap and Kevin Boss led all claimed tight ends with 13 points each...David Akers led all claimed kickers with 15 points...The New York Jets led all claimed defenses with 21 points.

Week 12 Preview

Game of the Week: Hit Squad (-3) @ One-Man Wolf Pack

These two teams enter this in a battle for first place in the Lightning Division. The Hit Squad is looking for Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick and the San Francisco defense to put up big numbers on Sunday. Coach David Looper is hopeful that Arian Foster can live up to expectations in a tough matchup against the Titans' defense. The One-Man Wolf Pack is back on the winning track after last weeks victory and will look to continue their winning ways at home. Coach Zach Maddux is hopeful that running back Adrian Peterson can get back on track in Minnesota and overcome a shaky performance from LT this past Thursday. Look for this game to be decided by Arian Foster and Ray Rice and their ability to run the football against tough defenses on Sunday.

Young Gun Football (-10) @ The Pessimists

Both teams enter this week riding losing streaks, as YGF has lost four in a row and The Pessimists have lost three straight. YGF is looking for their big playmakers at wide receiver to get into the flow of the game early and often, as Andre Johnson and DeSean Jackson are the spark plugs for this offense. Coach Jason Young remains adamant that Ahmad Bradshaw is not going to see a reduction in touches in New York, but rumors have been swirling that Bradshaw is currently in the dog house. The Pessimists will look to right their ship behind Chris Johnson and newly signed running back Carnell Williams, who is now playing for his fourth team this season. Coach BJ Hudson is rolling the dice on a shootout on SNF and that his quarterback, Philip Rivers, will have a huge night attempting to match up with the frantic paced Colts offense. Look for this game to be decided by the flex spot, as inconsistent performers Knowshon Moreno and Carnell Williams will look to give their team the edge.

The Hail Marys (-21) @ Charlie's Redrockets

The Hail Marys will take their leage record five game winning streak on the road as they look to maintain their hold on first place in the BHFFC. Coach Tara Campbell is looking to Peyton Hillis and Maurice Jones-Drew to continue to set a physical tone for her team, as the two have been dominant in recent weeks. Charlie's Redrockets got off to a great start on Thursday, as fill-in running back Maurice Morris and the Jets' defense put up 40 points combined. Coach Matthew Campbell is hoping to make a playoff push behind Aaron Rodgers and is optimistic that Pro-Bowl tight end Antonio Gates will be able to suit up on SNF. Look for this game to be determined by the six running backs involved.

Illegal Alien Babies (+39) @ Riley's Vikings

This game is off to a frantic scoring pace, as the two teams combined to score 67 points so far on Thursday alone. The Illegal Alien Babies willl look to recover from a tough loss last week behind Sam Bradford and Jacob Tamme, who both have favorable matchups this week. Coach Darrell Campbell is concerned, however, about the matchups of running backs Fred Jackson and LaGarrette Blount, who face the Steelers and Ravens respectively. Riley's Vikings will look to stay in the playoff picture behind the leadership of Tom Brady, who posted 37 points in Thursday's victory over the Lions. Coach Adam Warren is depending on running back Frank Gore to bounce back this week against an atrocious Arizona defense. Look for this game to be decided by which teams' running backs score more touchdowns.

Safety Blitz (+10) @ The Comeback Kids

Safety Blitz is hopeful that Matt Ryan and Roddy White can continue to be productive against a stiff Green Bay secondary. Coach Phillip Campbell is depending on his three-headed monster at running back to continue to lead his football team to victories. The Comeback Kids are attempting to climb back into the playoff picture following last week's victory. Coach Daniel Campbell is plugging wide receiver Vincent Jackson into his starting lineup in an attempt to jumpstart his offense. Look for this game to come down to a battle of the defenses.

Looking Fine

Coach BJ Hudson of The Pessimists is known for his fancy suits that he wears on the sidelines, a product of working for his owner Uncle Bob. While Coach Hudson enjoys 'looking fine,' he received a fine that he wasn't so fond of earlier this week, as running back Ryan Matthews was scratch on MNF. Coach Hudson received the third fine of the year, joining Coaches Phillip Campbell and Jason Young.

Betting Lines

The league commissioner would like to announce that betting lines have been included in this week's preview based on the Yahoo projections. While the lines are official, it remains illegal to gamble on BHFFC games, per the Pete Rose Rule. Rumors around the league office are that the betting lines have been added to encourage Coach Zach Maddux to become more involved with the league's publicity avenues.

Manager Prediction Standings

1. Adam Warren 11-5 (69%)
2. Phillip Campbell 29-29 (59%)
3. Jason Young 19-15 (56%)
4. Daniel Campbell 25-22 (53%)
5. Darrell Campbell 6-10 (28%)
6. -------------------------------------
7. Matthew Campbell 4-1 (80%)
8. Tara Campbell 5-2 (71%)
9. David Looper 4-4 (50%)

*Minimum 15 games to qualify*

League Notes

Arian Foster and Aaron Rodgers are projected to lead all players with 25 points each...Greg Jennings is projected to lead all wide receivers with 13 points...Jacob Tamme and Aaron Hernandez are projected to lead the tight ends with eight points each...Shane Graham is projected to lead all kickers with 11 points...Philadelphia, New Orleans, and the New York Giants are projected to lead the defenses with 12 points each this week...Hit Squad leads the league in total points scored with 1135...Illegal Alien Babies leads the league in total points against with 886...Illegal Alien Babies and Charlie's Redrockets lead the league in transactions this week with three each as of press time...Illegal Alien Babies leads the league in overall transactions with 39...The Lightning Division holds a slim 14-13 advantage over the Thunder Division...Illegal Alien Babies @ Riley's Vikings is the only non-divisional matchup this week.

Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 12

Opening statement: “Our defensive coordinator, Andy McCollum, handed me his resignation this morning and I gladly accepted it. His bend but don’t break philosophy was simply not getting the job done. Opponents were averaging 119 points per game over the last 6 weeks and were averaging an astonishing 136 points per game in our last 3 contests. It may have begun after losing to the Thundering Turd when I told him he could no longer wear track suits on the sidelines. This prompted Slappy to go on a shopping spree looking for new Armani suits. He started leaving our facility early instead of watching game film and I gave him a warning last week. After this week’s game, I told him he had two choices – 1- Resign or 2- Prepare for his life to become a living hell of pain and suffering. Obviously, he chose the first and our organization has moved forward.”

On who are possible replacements for the new D-Coordinator: “I don’t want to speculate on that right now. For the foreseeable future, I will be handling both the offensive and defensive calls. There has been speculation that I may bring in Joshua Hughes to run the offense but those rumors are untrue as he has a current contract with Safety Blitz as a consultant. There is also speculation that I may be looking at Gary Rankin, Bobby Bowden, and Manny Diaz. While any of those three would make a nice addition, I don’t see us going after anyone just yet.”

On slipping into 7^th place and out of the playoff picture: “We are not a very good team right now. We play like my golf game. If I hit the driver well, I can’t putt. If I hit my irons well, I shank my driver. If I hit the driver and irons, I 4-putt all day. We can’t seem to put together a complete game. It’s frustrating as hell and the extra work last week only seemed to make this team come out flat. I’ve got to go back to the drawing board.”

On the meeting with the teams Board of Directors: “After traveling back to Oakdale and meeting with our organizations Board of Directors (The Gun Rack), I was told that anything short of the playoffs would be considered a total failure. I responded by telling them that anything short of the Confederation Cup is a failure and they need to get on board with that philosophy and not take a mentality of being 2^nd best at anything.”

“I would also like to clarify something printed earlier – I did not hitchhike back to Oakdale. I got some bad gas at the Shell station on the Monterey exit and had to call our director of player personnel Travis Lawson to come pick me up. We ran in the Burger King so he could eat something to sober up and when we came out someone had stolen his International, so we had to catch a ride with a trucker headed toward Oakdale.”

Closing statement: “This game against the Pessimists is a must win game. We are backed into a corner and we have to attack like a rabid Portuguese Man-O-War. That has to be our attitude for the rest of the season – Play like a crazed rampaging beast. I’m putting our team on notice – Win or prepare for an offseason of pure hell!”

The Hail Marys Press Conference-Week 12

Opening Statement:

I just want to start of by saying that I am very proud of my team and their performance so far this season.  This is a great group of guys with a lot of fight and zero quit in them.  They have gone up against some very formidable opponents in recent weeks and they have let their grit and their drive carry this team to victory.  Our name may suggest that we rely on last minute long shots, but make no mistake, there is nothing about this team that includes even a speck of desperation.  We are a contender in this league.

Coach, what are your comments on your team’s winning streak of 5 games, the longest in the league?  Streaks mean nothing, whether you are on the winning or the losing end.  The only thing about streaks that are true, is that every streak comes to an end at some point.  If you guys want to pay attention to winning and losing streaks, you go right ahead, but how many games in a row we have won is not even on our radar screen.  We take each game as it comes.  It doesn’t matter what we did last week against one team because this week we are playing a whole new set of guys, with a whole new playbook, and whole new matchup challenges.  Last week, or the last five week’s, don’t matter come this Sunday.  Streaks are for news headlines.  We are after a W, not a streak.

Mrs. Tara, you are the only female coach in the league.  Any comments on the challenges you face because of that?  First of all, you need to refer to me as Coach, because that is what I am.  You have never asked Phillip Campbell or Daniel Campbell or Jason Young a question by calling them “Mr. Phillip or Mr. Daniel or Mr. Jason”.  So, you may refer to me with the same respect as them.  Call me coach.  As far as me being the only female coach in the league….no one cares.  It has never come up until your question. 

You went on record as saying that you are not a huge Terrell Owens fan.  How does that previous statement affect your relationship with one of your highest producing players?  Well, TO knows why I made that comment and we have an understanding.  I have no tolerance for cry babies and the football field and my locker room is no place for drama queens.  If you will notice, since becoming a Hail Mary, TO has behaved himself much better, with people like Randy Moss and Vince Young taking up his old antics.  There is no room for that on my team.  TO knows this and he performs best when he just shuts up and plays.  We get along just fine.  He knows my expectations and he meets them every single week.  This is a business and right now we make great business partners.

Coach Matt Campbell commented to you a couple of weeks ago about how few roster changes you have made this season.  Why is it that you are one of the teams with the fewest waiver pickups and zero trades?  Well, that is because I recognize that the guys I have on my team have the talent.  It is my job to coach them.  We have several guys on our team that were not big name superstars at the beginning of the season, but we have fine tuned our program so that their talent shines.  I don’t need to make moves and changes to my roster; I just need to continue to put my men in a position to win.  I wouldn’t get rid of any of my guys on my roster with the way they are playing right now. 

Who are you referring to when you talk about your players that weren’t huge names at the beginning of the season?  Well, first and foremost, has anyone seen Peyton Hillis’ numbers lately?  That man is a star.  Then, there is Danny Woodhead.  He may be small in stature and virtually unheard of until he became a Hail Mary, but he is very consistent at putting up points and he busts his ass every single play of every game.  It is guys like that that I want playing for me.

Any comments on being the underdog team?  Well, all the analysts consistently pick our opponent to win each week.  We have proved them wrong several times.  My comment on that?  We aren’t an underdog anymore.  Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get to practice.

Week 11 Recap

Game of the Week: The Pessimists (120) @ The Hail Marys (133)

This battle of two teams tied for first place going into Week 11 looked like a Hail Mary blowout early on before The Pessimists staged a MNF comeback that fell just short. The Pessimists received huge days from their WR1 and WR2 positions, as Dwayne Bowe and Marques Colston combined to score 45 points. Coach BJ Hudson was hit hard by the injury bug, however, as running back Ryan Matthews was a late scratch on MNF, resulting in his first fine of the year. On the home sideline, The Hail Marys moved into first place overall with a record breaking performance that included eight of their nine players scoring in double digits. The only player that did not score in double digits was Vernon Davis, who left the game early with an ankle injury. Coach Tara Campbell received 42 points from running backs Peyton Hillis and Maurice Jones-Drew and also got a big day from Danny Woodhead in pulling out the victory.

The Comeback Kids (115) @ Charlie's Redrockets (98)

The Comeback Kids vaulted out of the cellar by picking up a hardfought victory over Charlie's Redrockets. After getting off to a rough start with kicker Dan Carpenter getting shut out on TNF, The Comeback Kids had six players score in double digits to rally to the win. Coach Daniel Campbell got big days from Peyton Manning, Michael Turner, and the Pittsburg defense in leading his team to victory. On the home sideline in Columbia, Charlie's Redrockets patchwork lineup ran out of magic as four players combined to score seven points combined. Coach Matthew Campbell received big days from Aaron Rodgers, Larry Fitzgerald, Mike Goodson, and Matt Bryant, but was forced to play a backup tight end after Pro-Bowler Antonio Gates was a late scratch on MNF.

Safety Blitz (125) @ Riley's Vikings (96)

Safety Blitz got a huge day from the Baltimore defense and overcame an unusually shaky performance from running back Steven Jackson to even the season series with nemesis Riley's Vikings. Coach Phillip Campbell was pleased with another solid performance from his wide receiving corps in the victory. Riley's Vikings received a breakout 22 point performance from the Cleveland defense, who may have been motivated by bulletin board material from the Safety Blitz camp earlier in the week leading up to this game. Coach Adam Warren started tailback Mike Tolbert to the tune of 21 points on MNF, but again struggled to get production from his tight end position.

Illegal Alien Babies (86) @ One-Man Wolf Pack (124)

The Illegal Alien Babies ran into a buzzsaw in Week 11, as the Wolf Pack played like a team possessed after struggling in previous weeks. For the Alien Babies, Fred Jackson led the team with 24 points, the second straight week he has scored 20+ points. Coach Darrell Campbell received little production from his three-headed monster at wide receiver, as they combined to score a total of 15 points. There are rumors that Coach Campbell and Randy Moss exchanged words after the game, but the confrontation ended in blank stares from both parties as neither could understand the other person's language. The Wolf Pack were the beneficiary of 68 points from Drew Brees and Greg Jennings in guiding their team to victory. Coach Zach Maddox had a solid day overall in what he dubbed as a "must win" game going into Week 11.

Young Gun Football (69) @ Hit Squad (138)

Young Gun Football had a tough time in Montery over the weekend as the Hit Squad scored early and often to secure the victory. YGF had an unusual low scoring day from a team loaded with big play makers as the team struggled with communication issues due to the Montery crowd noise. Coach Jason Young was visibly upset on the visiting sideline and refused to speak with reporters following the game, instead storming out of the locker room and hitchhiking all the way to Oakdale to meet with the team owners. The Hit Squad had a big game for the second straight week, with seven players scoring in double digits. Coach David Looper continues to ride running backs Arian Foster and Ray Rice and also received a breakout performance from running back Cedric Benson.

Pickup of the Week

This week's pickup of the week goes to Coach Adam Warren of Riley's Vikings, who claimed the Cleveland Browns defense and guided them to a 22 point performance against Jacksonville.

League Standings

Per league rules, standings are determined by head to head results, total points scored, then record versus the highest seeded team. As such, the actual league standings after 11 weeks are as follows:

1. The Hail Marys
2. One-Man Wolf Pack
3. Hit Squad
4. The Pessimists
5. Riley's Vikings
6. Safety Blitz
7. Young Gun Football
8. The Comeback Kids
9. Charlie's Redrockets
10. Illegal Alien Babies

*The waiver order has been changed to reflect these standings*

Manager Prediction Results

1. Adam Warren 1-0 (100%)
2. Jason Young 4-1 (80%)
3. Phillip Campbell 4-1 (80%)
4. Tara Campbell 4-1 (80%)
5. David Looper 2-3 (40%)
6. Darrell Campbell 0-1 (0%)

*Updated manager prediction standings will be posted in the Week 12 Preview*

Boy Scout Motto: Be Prepared

Coach Matthew Campbell followed the Boy Scouts' motto to perfection in order to avoid his first fine of the season on MNF. With tight end Antonio Gates injury status unknown going into MNF, Coach Campbell picked up backup tight end Randy McMichael as an insurance policy. The plan worked, as Gates was a late scratch and Campbell was able to avoid a fine by inserting McMichael into his starting lineup.

Poll Results

Last week's poll question, "Will the Titans make the playoffs this season?," resulted with five votes 'Yes' and one vote 'No.'

League Notes

Teams starting three wide receivers went 1-3 in Week 11...Teams starting three wide receivers are now 9-21 overall on the year...Six teams scored over 100 points last week...Eight teams have now scored at least 1,000 points this season...Hit Squad leads the league with a +185 point differential...The Hail Marys are riding a league record five game winning streak...Hit Squad led the league in Week 11 with 138 points...Big Ben led the league in points scored in Week 11 with 40, albeit from the bench...Greg Jennings grabbed 3 touchdown passes to lead all wide receivers with 33 points...Fred Jackson led all running backs with 24 points...Mercedes Lewis led all claimed tight ends with 12 points...Matt Bryant led all claimed kickers with 15 points...In an unusually high scoring week for defenses, Baltimore led the league with a 23 point effort.

*BREAKING NEWS*

Young Gun Football Press Conference Cancelled

According to an unnamed media source, Young Gun Football's Week 11 Press Conference has been cancelled unexpectantly. According to the source, who spoke with us on the condition anonymity, Coach Jason Young was not available to reporters due to him practicing his team "from 5 a.m. until somone passes out from exhaustion."

Stay tuned for more details.

The Comeback Kids Press Conference-Week 11

Opening Statement:  I can’t do anything here but congratulate the Illegal Alien Babies and head coach Darrell Campbell on their victory this past week.  They flat out beat us all over the field.  If you would’ve told me that Josh Freeman would have put up more points than Peyton Manning, there is no way I would have believed it.  But then again, I also wouldn’t believe all of the injuries to Peyton’s weapons at wide receiver, tight end, and even halfback.  I have not given up on my team.  We will fight back.

Reporter: Coach Campbell, you say your team will fight back. Is this where your new team name comes from?  Wow did you really just ask that? Yes of course that’s….. (Coach Campbell pauses and begins to lean over his podium, squinting his eyes trying to get a better look at the reporter)  Is that a Charlie’s Redrockets hat you are wearing? (The reporter is immediately embarrassed and begins to apologize before being interrupted by Coach Campbell)……I don’t want to hear it! Get the hell out of my press conference!  You come in here acting interested about my team, wearing the hat of this week’s enemy. (The reporter is escorted out by security)  Next question from a fan of my team please.

(No one asks a question)

Ok, you don’t have to be fans of my team.  We will win games without you.  We are going to turn this season around without any support.  Next question from anyone please.

Reporter: What is your gameplan for this week’s game against the Redrockets?  Well, you have to attack your opponents’ weakness to win games.  We know that Coach Matt Campbell has been blindsided by many things in his life, and it’s the only way to beat him.  For instance, I have seen my brother blindsided by a low blow in a neighborhood wrestling match…..I have seen a rotten gourd broken on his back in a game of flashlight tag…..and I watched Michael Vick singlehandedly blindside him last week.  So there it is, we plan to take them by surprise.

Reporter: We heard that the commissioner is considering implementing a rule next season just thanks to your actions. Is this true?  Unfortunately, the members of the league have not approved of my team going through several name changes.  So yes, the commish told me that this is my last allowed name change.  We are very upset about it and would rather not talk about it.  Next question please.

(Silence)

(Coach Campbell ended the press conference by asking himself questions and answering them.  Unfortunately our reporters had all left by that point and didn’t record any of it.)

Week 11 Preview

Game of the Week: The Pessimists @ The Hail Marys

Both teams enter this contest with identical 6-4 records. Both teams are tied for first place in their division. Both teams need this win to stay in the hunt for postseason play. The Pessimists are hoping for a big day from quarterback Joe Flacco against an atrocious Carolina secondary. Coach BJ Hudson is also looking for continued production from running back Chris Johnson and wide receiver Hakeem Nicks to pull out the victory. On the home sideline, The Hail Marys will look to utilize a more balanced attack as they have five players projected to score in double digits and no player projected to score less than seven points. Coach Tara Campbell's team is riding a league high four game winning streak and will look to continue their winning ways in this high scoring affair. Look for this game to be decided by the two defenses that match up on SNF.

Young Gun Football @ Hit Squad

Both teams enter this weekend's matchup with 5-5 records and hold down the final two playoff spots in the BHFFC. Young Gun Football has six players scheduled to score in double digits, led by Eli Manning with a projected 16. Coach Jason Young is hoping for his receiving corps will give his team the edge in this slugfest. The Hit Squad will continue to ride the shoulders of running back Arian Foster, although he has a touch matchup this week against the Jets. Coach David Looper is optimistic that Cedric Benson and Ray Rice will be able to shoulder more of the workload this week as they both have favorable matchups. This game could very well be decided by the tight end position, as both teams have struggled at this position in recent weeks. Look for the TE scoring a touchdown to give his team the edge in this one.

Illegal Alien Babies @ One-Man Wolf Pack

The surging Alien Babies will look to continue their winning ways as the Wolf Pack looks to get back on track in this Lightning Division matchup. The Alien Babies are hoping for continued production from Jacob Tamme and LaGarrette Blount. Coach Darrell Campbell is very excited about the return of injured players Malcolm Floyd and Reggie Bush this week. The Wolf Pack will look to team captain Drew Brees to right the ship, as he is facing a weak Seattle secondary that should allow for him to have a big day. Coach Zach Maddox is hopeful that running backs Adrian Peterson and LaDanian Tomlinson will get back in a rhythm this week and lead his team to victory. Look for this game to be decided by the production of the wide receiver corps.

The Comeback Kids @ Charlie's Redrockets

Both of these teams are fighting to stay in the hunt for the playoff picture. The Comeback Kids will look for Peyton Manning to have a big day in his team's showdown with New England. Coach Daniel Campbell is hoping for big days from running backs Michael Turner and Jamaal Charles as both backs have favorable matchups this week. Charlie's Redrockets will continue to mix and match their lineup this week and will look to Kyle Orton under center to guide their team to victory. Coach Matthew Campbell suffered what was arguably his most heart-breaking loss in his career last week and will need to provide leadership and motivation to keep his players focused. Look for this team to be decided by the team that scores the most rushing touchdowns.

Safety Blitz @ Riley's Vikings

This game could get heated as these two teams flat out just don't like each other. Safety Blitz will look to even the season series behind the hot right hand of quarterback Matt Ryan. Coach Phillip Campbell is expecting a big performance from his defense and coninued production from his skill players as he attempts to grab a share of first place in the Thunder Division. Riley's Vikings will look to Tom Brady for guidance against a weak Indianapolis secondary. Coach Adam Warren is looking for an explosive day from running back Frank Gore to overcome a depleted backfield due to injuries. Look for this game to be decided by the flex and defensive positions as all other matchups appear to be fairly even.

Final Name Change

Coach Daniel Campbell has changed his team name for the final time this year to The Comeback Kids. This will be his team's fourth name of the season. Commissioner Phillip Campbell issued a statement to Coach Daniel Campbell requesting the name change, as he reportedly was tired of typing MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown.

Waiver Action

Waiver action has slowed down as we have reached the home stretch of the regular season. Coaches Adam Warren and Daniel Campbell lead the league in transactions this week with four each as of press time. The Illegal Alien Babies continue to lead the league in overall transactions with 36. The Pessimists have made the least number of moves this year with eight.

League Notes

Young Gun Football is the first team to break the 1,000 point barrier this year with 1,004 points scored through 10 games for an average off 100.4...Illegal Alien Babies leads the league in points against with 762...The Hail Marys four game winning streak matches the league record set by Young Gun Football in Weeks 1-4...The 10th place team is only 2 games out of the playoffs heading into Week 11...The Lightning Division holds a slim 14-12 advantage over the Thunder Division in head to head matchups...The only non-divisional game this week is The Pessimists @ The Hail Marys...The Pessimists and The Hail Marys led the league with 5-2 records during Weeks 4-10, the weeks covering byes in the NFL...Micheal 'The Dog Catcher' Vick is projected to lead all players this week with 25...Chris Johnson is projected to lead all running backs by toting the mail for 22 points...Reggie Wayne is projected to lead all wide receivers wtih 14 points...Antonio Gates is expected to return to the lineup from injury and lead all tight ends with 11 points...Rob Bironas is projected to lead all claimed kickers this week with 11 points...Baltimore is projected to lead all defenses this week with 16 points.

Safety Blitz Press Conference-Week 11

*Coach Phillip Campbell enters the conference room performing the Nature Boy Ric Flair's infamous strut*

Opening Statement: WHOO!!!! TO BE THE MAN! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! YOU'VE GOTTA BEAT THE MAN! WHOOOOOOOO BABY!!!!!!! Riley's Vikings, you've been on the winning end in our previous matchups this year. You beat me multiple times in fantasy baseball. You beat me in our first meeting in fantasy football. BUT THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT! WHOOOOO!!!!! WE'RE COMING TO YOUR ISLAND IN THAT CRAP HOLE OF MEMPHIS, AND WE'RE TAKING OVER! WHOO!!!!!! (Coach Campbell struts across the stage again before resuming his position at the podium. The reporters in the room sit and stare in silent shock.) Somebody ask me some questions so I can get out of here! I've got things to do!

Reporter: Uhhh, Coach, are you under the influence of any type of narcotic right now? NARCOTIC? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WHOO!!!! I'M JUST HIGH ON LIFE SON!

Reporter: Coach Campbell there are numerous rumors that you plan to win this weekend "by any means necessary," can you expand on what that means? MEAN! WHOO!!!!!! GENE! Or whatever your name is! Just like the Nature Boy is the dirtiest player in the game, I'm the dirtiest player in this league! We're going to pinch at the bottom of the piles! We're going to hit them with the eye gouge through their facemask! We're going to knock them silly with a low blow! WHOO!!! I'M GETTING FIRED UP JUST STANDING HERE THINKING ABOUT IT! (Coach Campbell struts across the stage again)

Reporter: Coach, with the NFL cracking down on malicious play, especially from the defense, aren't you worried about facing possible suspensions? Son, let me tell ya something right now! WHOO! Those suspensions are for the rookies! I've been around long enough that I've been grandfathered in! Hell, we can wear the one-bar face masks if we choose to!

Reporter: Coach, what's with the Ric Flair impersonation? Is he your favorite wrestler? Hell no! (Coach Campbell pulls out a boom box from under the podium and hits play.)

Song Lyrics Blaring Over the Conference Room: When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside! (Right on cue, Coach Campbell rips his shirt off, a la Hulk Hogan, and walks from one side of the stage to the other cupping his hand over his ear to listen to the roar of the crowd)

Reporter: So Hulk Hogan is your favorite wrestler?: (Coach Campbell stops the music. His face turns a pale, ghostly white color and appears almost lifeless. His eyes roll into the back of his head.) ADAM WARREN! (Coach Campbell impersonates the Undertaker cutting his throat before performing his finishing move) DEAD. MAN. WALKING. (Coach Campbell hits play on his boom box again.)

Song: DONG!.......DONG!........DONG!

(Coach Campbell stares into space for a few moments, rolls his eyes in the back of his head again, raises both arms to the sky, then lets out a blood-curdling scream before walking off the stage.)

Week 10 Recap

Game of the Week: Hit Squad (117) @ Charlie's Redrockets (104)

Maybe this game would be better dubbed the comeback of the century, as the Hit Squad pulled off one for the ages in this one. Charlie's Redrockets received a monster 35 point effort from quarterback Kyle Orton and raced out to a huge lead behind solid fantasy days from 8 of their 9 active players. Coach Matthew Campbell carried a 56 point lead into MNF with only Michael Vick and David Akers left to play for the Hit Squad. Coach David Looper let it be known from the outset Monday night that he was not going to lay down, as he unleashed the dog catcher on a play action touchdown pass on the first play from scrimmage to set the tone. When all was said and done, quarterback Michael Vick put up a league record 57 points to complete the come from behind victory on his own and keep the Hit Squad's playoff hopes alive.

Safety Blitz (115) @ The Pessimists (104)

Safety Blitz received a monster night from quarterback/wide receiver combo Matt Ryan and Roddy White, as the two Falcons hooked up for 55 points to jumpstart Coach Phillip Campbell's offense on Thursday night. Coach Campbell received solid play from his running backs to overcome a shaky performance from his tight end and flex positions in the victory. The Pessimists QB and WR1 actually matched Safety Blitz point for point, as Joe Flacco and Dwayne Bowe put up 55 points to give Coach BJ Hudson's squad a fighting chance on Sunday. Despite having 4 players score 12 points or more, The Pessimists received 7 points combined from 3 positions in falling to their non-divisional rival.

The Hail Marys (95) @ One-Man Wolf Pack (82)

The Hail Marys went on the road to win their fourth straight game behind a two touchdown performance from Maurice Jones Drew. Coach Tara Campbell had four players score in double digits, including quarterback Donovan McNabb, who completed the come from behind victory with 17 points on MNF. On the home sideline, One-Man Wolf Pack received a 27 point performance from quarterback Mark Sanchez but got little help from his teammates in the defeat. Coach Zach Maddox did receive 20 points from his defense, but had 6 of his 9 players uncharacteristically score in single digits.

Young Gun Football (106) @ Riley's Vikings (130)

Young Gun Football had five players score in double digits to reach triple digits yet again in a losing effort. Coach Jason Young got a big boost from his flex position with Knowshown Moreno racking up 21 points in the Broncos romp over the Chiefs. Coach Young had four positions combine to score 14 points, which made the difference in this interdivisional slugfest. Riley's Vikings were led by 38 points from quarterback Tom Brady and had 4 other players reach double digits in the victory. Coach Adam Warren was very pleased with the breakout performance of rookie wide receiver Dez Bryant in the flex spot, commenting that "it's about damn time he did something."

MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown (59) @ The Illegal Alien Babies (102)

The Poop squad was feast or famine this week as three players scored in double digits while the other six scored seven points or less. Coach Daniel Campbell was extremely disappointed in his defensive performance, as the Steelers turned in a -1 effort against the Patriots. The surging Alien Babies had four players score in double digits, led by Fred Jackson with 26. Coach Darrell Campbell's squad broke three digits for the first time this year in climbing out of the league cellar.

Manager Prediction Results

*Note-With NFL games on Thursday nights, you must make your predictions before kickoff on Thursday night to be able to participate.*

1. Phillip Campbell 4-1 (80%)
2. Darrell Campbell 3-2 (60%)
3. Tara Campbell 1-1 (50%)

Manager Prediction Standings

Minimum 15 games to qualify

1. Adam Warren 10-5 (67%)
2. Phillip Campbell 25-19 (57%)
3. Daniel Campbell 25-22 (53%)
4. Jason Young 15-14 (52%)
5. Darrell Campbell 6-9 (40%)
6. ---------------------------------------
7. Matthew Campbell 4-1 (80%)
8. David Looper 2-1 (67%)

League Standings

According to our league rules, the league standings are as follows:

1. Riley's Vikings
2. One-Man Wolf Pack
3. The Pessimists
4. The Hail Mary's
5. Young Gun Football
6. Hit Squad
7. Safety Blitz
8. Charlie's Redrockets
9. Illegal Alien Babies
10. Poop

*Waivers have been changed to reflect the actual standings*

Pickup of the Week

Coach Adam Warren picked up the Indianapolis Colts defense to the tune of 20 points in his victory over Young Gun Football.

League Notes

The Thunder Division went 3-2 vs. the Lightning Division over the weekend...A league record seven teams scored over 100 points last weekend...Three teams scored over 100 points and lost...The smallest margin of victory last weekend was 11 points...The Illegal Alien Babies lead the league in transactions with 34...Michael Vick led all players with an astonishing 57 points to the howls of dogs nationwide...Dwayne Bowe led all wide receivers with 30 points...Fred Jackson led all claimed running backs with 26 points...Todd Heap led all claimed tight ends with 11 points from the bench...Dan Carpenter, David Akers, and Adam Vinateiri took lessons from Matthew Campbell's place-kicking school to lead the kickers with 12 points each...The Illegal Aliens posted 102 points last week and had another 51 points on their bench.

Week 10 Preview

Due to circumstances beyond my control, the Week 10 Preview is going to be very short this week. Please accept my apologies and I will do my best to not let it happen again!

Game of the Week: The Hail Marys @ One-Man Wolf Pack

Two teams tied for first place in their respective divisions.

Upset of the Week: Safety Blitz @ The Pessimists

Safety Blitz is feeling optimistic about their chances.

Good luck to everyone!!!

Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 10

Opening Statement: (Coach Young comes in and flips over table and podium; then takes a drink and spits the water in the air like Triple-H) “Let me be very clear about this – I Hate Losing! I hate losing period. I’m sick of all these people within this organization acting like everything is OK because we score so many points. So What? Who cares how many points we score if we don’t win? That is the bottom line – Winning! You play to win the game. Our team is giving a great effort – I will give them that. The guys are playing hard, but the results are not what we expect. I think this team is still the best team in the Confederation, but they have to get results at the end of the day.”

Commenting on being 2^nd in the league in points scored: (Coach Young goes down; grabs reporter by shirt) “Did you just listen to a ******* thing I said? We have lost 4 of our last 5 games! I don’t care how many points we’ve scored, we are still losing. Go ask Coach Dan Campbell how he feels about leading the league in points – I think you will get a similar answer. Winning is the only thing that matters! This press conference is over!” (Coach lets go of reporter’s shirt; grabs a chair and smashes it against the wall until it breaks)

Notable Statistic:  In Young Gun Football’s five wins their average points scored are 94.4 – In the four losses their average points scored are 106.5. Please make note not to ask Coach Young about this statistic at any future press conferences.

Safety Blitz Mid-Season Report Card

Quarterbacks: B+

Starting quarterback Tony Romo was putting up top 10 numbers before suffering a broken collarbone against the New York Giants. Backup Matt Ryan is a capable replacement but one that takes what the defense gives him and doesn't force the big play. As such, expect Ryan to put up solid numbers on a weekly basis, but don't expect three plus touchdown performances from the Falocons' quarterback as the team utilizes a run first mentality. Current backup Ryan Fitzpatrick has put up good numbers in limited action this year, but he must prove that he can produce against the league's elite teams before becoming a reliable fantasy option.

Running Backs: A

"The Four Horsemen," as Coach Phillip Campbell refers to them, have had a solid year so far. After attaining LeSean McCoy and Steven Jackson in an early season trade, this group of mail carriers provides more depth than any team in the league. Three of the four backs are well on their way to 1,000+ yard seasons. Backup Shonn Greene has shown flashes of breaking out of late but will likely need an injury to LT to put up significant fantasy numbers. Safety Blitz needs more touchdowns out of this position, which is the only stat preventing them from earning an A+.

Wide Receivers: C

Roddy "The Hot Rod" White has proven to be one of the top five wide receivers in the league this year, as he is well on his way to 1,000+yards receiving and double digit touchdowns. The WR2 position has struggled so far this year for Safety Blitz in a complimentary role. Wes Welker is leading New England in receptions and receiving yards, but has failed to score a touchdown since Week 2. Waiver acquisition Steve Breaston failed to produce in his first crack at the starting lineup and is looking for consistent production on a weekly basis to get steady playing time. Either Welker or Breaston needs to step up for this team to make a run at the playoffs.

Tight End: C-

Following the loss of Jermichael Finley for the year, Chris Cooley took over the tight end duties. While he has put up steady numbers so far this year, he has yet to have any game changing performances that can make or break a fantasy season. Following a bye week, look for Cooley to become more involved in the passing game, especially for a red zone offense in Washington that has struggled so far this season.

Kicker: B-

After a slow start, Stephen Gostkowski got hot and produced a string of three straight double digit scoring games. A leg injury this past Sunday will sideline him indefinitely, forcing Saftey Blitz to make a change to their place kicking duties and sign free agent Lawrence Tynes for Week 10. Prior to his injury, Gostkowski kicked 10 field goals.

Defense: C-

Despite high expectations coming into the year, the usually solid Safety Blitz defense took a few weeks to get on track this year. Waiver acquisition Tampa Bay produced a standout performance in Week 8 and the return of Ed Reed to Baltimore has ignited their turnover party once more. Look for this unit to receive a higher grade at season's end.

Coaching: C

While the coaching hasn't been deplorable, Coach Phillip Campbell hasn't been able to put all of the pieces together so far this season as reflected by a 4-5 record. While a rash of injuries to three starters have forced some unexpected personnel moves, the replacements have put up better than average numbers so far. A telling stat is that since the bye weeks started in Week 4, Coach Campbell's squad has gone 2-4. With a full roster from this point forward, we expect those numbers to change but his decision making abilities have to be questioned following the poor performance. In four of his team's five losses, Campbell's squad scored 69 points or less. He will need to make better preparations the rest of the year for his team to have a shot at the playoffs.

Overall: C-

Despite having a losing record at the season's midpoint, Safety Blitz is only one game out of first place in the Thunder Division and only two games out of first place overall. In their four wins this year, they have scored 95 points or more. On the heels of an embarrassing 82 point loss to the Hit Squad, Week 10 could be a make or break year for this team. Look for Coach Campbell to rally his troops and make a playoff push as we enter the home stretch of the season.

MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown Press Conference-Week 10

Opening Statement:  I bet that you reporters expect me to come out here and tell you how disappointed I am in my team, don’t you?!? Well I’m sorry but you won’t get that out of me……NOT TODAY!  We are playing great football right now.  We have scored 90 or more points in seven of the first nine games and four out of the last five.  My boys are preparing the right ways, making the right decisions, and playing their asses off week in and week out!   One of these days guys…..one of these days, we will play a team that scores less than us.

What are your thoughts on being 2^nd on the waiver list?  Honestly, it sucks.  We don’t feel like we can better ourselves at the moment.  There is not a single player on our roster not capable of putting up big numbers.  And frankly, the free agent options just plain suck right now.  Next question.

How do you feel about riding a league-worst 4 game losing streak?  It feels great! We are all yippity doo dah and ecstatic about it! Are you serious with that question?!? We are livid! But are we going to mope around and fuss about it? Hell no! It will only make us practice longer and play harder.

What are your plans with Miles Austin and Ochocinco?  At this point, it wouldn’t bother me one bit if they both didn’t show up to my practices the rest of the year.  I mean, I spend all week preparing both of them with plenty of reps in practice.  Then we get into a game and complete one pass to each of them?  These guys are premier receivers and have to be utilized better out there.  Sure, I’ll admit that they don’t see a single play anymore in single man-to-man coverage.  They are both always doubled up, but so is Hakeem Nicks.  We really aren’t concerned with their play at this very second……we have some guys that are ready to step into our WR1 and WR2 spots.  They go by the names of Steve “can’t touch this” Johnson and Mike “too fast too furious” Williams. 

What do you think of your matchup this weekend with the Illegal Alien Babies?  The Illegal Alien Babies are beginning to find ways to win ball games.  The idea scares the living daylight out of me.  They are winning games right now and we aren’t, plain and simple.  Coach Darrell Campbell has made some key acquisitions, picking up Jacob Tamme and several others.  We know that the Illegal Alien Babies like to run several trick plays.  We have been preparing for plays such as “The Annexation of Puerto Rico”, “The Crowded Minivan”, and even “The Dirty Sanchez”.   Let’s just hope our defense shows up this weekend.

Do you feel like your team still has a chance at the playoffs?  I never imagined a game between two last place teams could mean so much.  We have to get back on the winning track to stand any chance at getting to the playoffs. Let me end this losing streak first and then get back to you on that one. Thanks, that’s all for now.

Coach Daniel Campbell stands up and rips off his shirt displaying a painted message on his chest…..

” Aarón Hernandez no tiene una tarjeta verde ! Hahaha!” (Yes, Coach Campbell has a large chest.)

Week 9 Recap

Game of the Week: Young Gun Football (131) @ The Hail Marys (139)

Talk about a slugfest! This game had it all. The Hail Marys raced to a huge lead behind a flurry of points from the noon wave of games on Sunday, led by the foaming at the mouth tailback of the Browns, Peyton Hillis, who put up 31 points. Not to be outdone, however, Young Gun Football rode Eli Manning and Ahmad Bradshaw in their rout of the Seahawks to the tune of 49 points to make it a game again after the 3:00 games had concluded. Two touchdowns from Brandon Jackson for The Hail Marys and a dominant defensive performance from the Packers led the two teams into MNF tied at 113 with Terrell Owens left to play for The Hail Marys and Rashard Mendenhall getting touches for Young Gun Football. Coach Jason Young's squad threw the first punch on Monday night, with Mendenhall racking up seven points on a short touchdown run in the game's opening minutes. Coach Tara Campbell quickly rallied her troops and TO was on the receiving end of a touchdown pass halfway through the second quarter of action. At halftime, Young Gun Football took a slim 126-125 lead into the locker room. Mendenhall received a number of touches in the second half to chew the clock while his team was in the lead, but the conservative offensive strategy did not result in him finding the endzone again on this night. On the other side of the field, Terrell Owens was leading the attempted comeback for the Bengals, finishing his night with 10 catches for 141 yards and 2 touchdowns to pull out the victory for The Hail Marys.

MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown (96) @ The Pessimists (101)

Coach Daniel Campbell led his Poop squad into battle with a tough non-divisional battle against Lightning Division leader The Pessimists. Despite having five players score in double digits, Coach Campbell received a sub-par passing game from Peyton Manning and wide receiver Miles Austin was virtually nonexistent at Green Bay on Sunday night. Despite it all, the Poop squad had a chance with the league leading Steelers' defense needing 15 points to tie on MNF. Despite creating numerous turnovers on the night, Coach Campbell's squad fell five points shy of their comeback attempt. On the home sideline, Coach BJ Hudson got a monster game from quarterback Philip Rivers and also got great production from Hakeem Nicks in the flex spot. The Pessimists needed all the production they could get as they received a combined 11 points from their two running backs.

Charlie's Redrockets (81) @ One-Man Wolf Pack (109)

It was feast or famine for members of Coach Matthew Campbell's sqaud this weekend as five of his players scored in double digits and the other four members scored five points combined. Leading the way for the Redrockets was quarterback Aaron Rodgers, who put up 33 points behind 3 touchdown passes against the maligned Dallas Cowboys' defense. Due to byes and injuries, Coach Campbell was forced to mix and match his stable of running backs which eventually led to his downfall. On the home sideline, Coach Zach Maddox maintained possession of first place in the Lightning Division behind a 26 point performance from running back Adrian Peterson and a huge game from the Saints' defense.

Illegal Alien Babies (75) @ Riley's Vikings (47)

The Spanish speaking Alien Babies had five players score in double digits and overcame a rough performance from their defense to pull out a huge victory over Riley's Vikings. Waiver acquisitions Jacob Tamme and Josh Freeman led the way for Coach Darrell Campbell, scoring 16 and 17 points respectively to lead their team to victory. Despite solid performances from Tom Brady and Sebastian Janikowski, the rest of Riley's Vikings were virtually nonexistent in the loss. In a closed door meeting after the game with his players, Coach Adam Warren could be heard screaming profanities and breaking things in the Vikings' lockerroom.

Safety Blitz (56) @ Hit Squad (138)

Coach Phillip Campbell had a rough first trip to Montery as Coach David Looper hammered him early and often with no lubricant in this one! Safety Blitz had only two players score in double figures in this one as they struggled to get their offense on track for the second consecutive week. Coach Looper had 7 players score in double digits, led once again by Arian Foster with 31 points from his running back position and Michael Vick with 27 points in his first game back under center.

Quote of Note:

Overheard in the midfield handshake after the game between Coaches Phillip Campbell and David Looper was this reply from Coach Looper to a congratulatory handshake from Coach Campbell: "Yes, you got thumped. Vick wins dog fights."

Pickup of the Week:

The waiver claims of the week for Week 9 go to Coaches Darrell Campbell and Matthew Campbell. For Darrell, Jacob Tamme of the Colts put up 16 points in leading his team to victory. For Matthew, running back Javarris James scored 2 touchdowns and put up 13 points in keeping the Redrockets within striking distance early on in their matchup.

Near Protest:

In the Green Bay versus Dallas game on Sunday night, the Packers' kickoff coverage team recovered a fumble and scored a touchdown, resulting in eight points for Coach Jason Young's squad. However, the replay clearly showed the Cowboys' return man to be down with possession of the football. With 2:04 to play on the game clock, the only way the play could be reviewed was for Coach Wade Phillips to throw the red flag. The Cowboys were out of timeouts and therefore could not challenge the play, letting the blown call stand as called. On the home sideline, Coach Tara Campbell had to be restrained as she went after officials and the league commissioner with a flury of expletives and what some are saying was a punch thrown in the direction of the commissioner. Despite vowing to protest the play, Coach Campbell has not made a formal protest with the league office as of this morning.

Manger Predictions:

1. Phillip Campbell 3-2 (60%)
2. Daniel Campbell 3-2 (60%)
3. Jason Young 3-2 (60%)
4. Darrell Campbell 2-3 (40%)

Updated standings will be released in the Week 10 Preview later this week.

Current Standings:

Based on league tie breakers, here are the actual league standings after nine weeks of play:

1. One-Man Wolf Pack
2. Riley's Vikings
3. The Pessimists
4. The Hail Marys
5. Young Gun Football
6. Hit Squad
7. Charlie's Redrockets
8. Safety Blitz
9. MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown
10. Illegal Alien Babies

The waiver order has been changed to reflect these standings.

League Notes:

The Lightning Division went 4-1 versus the Thunder Division this week...Teams using three wide receivers went 1-1 this week...No team used a twin tight end set this week...Week 10 is the last week with byes in the NFL...Five teams scored over 100 points this week...The Hail Marys posted a league high 139 points this week...Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers led all players with 33 points this week...Arian Foster and Peyton Hillis scored 31 points each to lead all running backs...Terrell Owens scored 26 points to lead all wide receivers...Jacob Tamme and Aaron Hernandez led all tight ends with 16 points each...David Akers booted 4 field goals to lead all kickers with 15 points...Green Bay forced 4 turnovers and scored 2 touchdowns to lead all defenses with 28 points.

Illegal Alien Babies Post Game Press Conference-Week 9

Estamos muy orgullosos estar en este país y permitió hacer esta declaración. Nuestro equipo jugó muy muy buena esta semana, nosotros hemos reunido nuestro equipo de los jugadores que los equipos norteamericanos no desean. No sólo pueda jugamos futbol bueno, pero podemos tabicar una casa mejor que usted también. ¡Nuestro entrenador Darrell Campbell ha sido muy paciente con nosotros y nos permitió mover nuestro juego a su nivel más alto todavía, nosotros le debemos nuestras oportunidades a él! Buscaremos a unos pocos jugadores buenos esta semana, si encontramos que aprueban, si no bueno, haremos debido. Si estorba nuestros deseos tienen cuidado el Cartell. ¡Eso no es una amenaza, es una promesa! ¡Podemos ser ilegales y juveniles, pero MECEMOS!

Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 9

Opening Statement: “We have got to get back to playing Young Gun style football! We won our first four games, but have won only once in our last four games.  Two of those have been to our division rival One-Man Wolfpack. That is totally unacceptable. I have challenged our guys this week to make a statement to the league and show them that the road to the Confederation Cup comes through us.”

On this week’s matchup with the Hail Mary’s: “The Hail Mary’s have done a tremendous job this year of winning football games. Coach Tara T-Bone Campbell has shown the tenacity and ferocity that it takes to succeed in the cut-throat BHFFC. Unfortunately for her, she sends her troops on the field against a team that is like a powder keg ready to explode. We have had a tremendous week of practice and look like a well oiled machine. Eli and Bradshaw look rested and extremely sharp after their bye weeks and getting Desean Jackson back in the lineup will be a big boost.  We need a big performance from the Packer D and we have to stop Old Man Favre and keep T.O. from getting in the end zone. Overall, I like our chances this week, but make no mistake about it – The Hail Mary’s will be ready to play.”

On being mistaken for Danny Woodhead at media day yesterday: “I’ve got a lot of respect for Danny. He’s a short stocky guy like myself and plays like a rampaging beast. Coach Campbell made a great decision to add him to her roster. I almost signed him earlier in the year after watching “Hard Knocks”, but went with Green-Ellis instead. This game could come down to whichever one of those guys gets the points for the Patriots. Danny is maybe an eyelash taller than me, but if he wants to go toe to toe, I think we all know how that would turn out for him!”

On the Randy Moss trade: “Did he get traded to or from Young Gun Football? No?  Then I don’t really care! Next question.”

Commenting on league parity: “I’m still amazed at how close the league is bunched up right now. I feel that over the next few weeks we should start to see a pecking order develop. That is why the next four games are so important. You just have to find a way to win. Take Coach Dan Campbell for instance, he leads the league in points, but is in last place in the Thunder Division and struggling to find a way to win. Every week in this league is kill or be killed and I think it is great!”

Closing Statement: “Hail Mary’s will need to say a few of those this week if they want to leave this game victorious.”

Week 9 Preview

Game of the Week: Young Gun Football @ The Hail Marys

This non-divisional matchup pits two teams who are separated by only one game in the standings. Young Gun Football comes into this game off of a tough loss and looking to maintain a hold on first place in the Lightning Division. Coach Jason Young will welcome back quarterback Eli Manning and running back Ahmad Bradshaw following their bye week. On the home sideline, The Hail Marys enter this contest riding a league-high two game winning streak. Coach Tara Campbell welcomes back Peyton Hillis to her backfield following his bye week and is hopeful that the Vikings' defense can wreak havoc against the turnover prone Arizona Cardinals. This game could come down to who scores the most touchdowns for the Patriots this weekend-BenJarvus Green-Ellis or Danny Woodhead.

Game of the Week II: Charlie's Redrockets @ One-Man Wolf Pack

Charlie's Redrockets have won two straight games and are hot on the heels of first place in the Thunder Division while the One-Man Wolf Pack is coming off a huge victory to reclaim a stake of first place in the Lightning Division. Coach Matthew Campbell is hoping for a big day from quarterback Aaron Rodgers and a team effort from the rest of his starters as he looks to extend his winning streak to three games. On the home sideline, Coach Zach Maddox has six players projected to score in double figures as he hopes to overwhelm the Redrockets with his playmaking ability. Look for this game to be decided on MNF.

MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown @ The Pessimists

The Poop squad is coming off another tough loss and looking to get back on track in negative town against The Pessimists. Coach Daniel Campbell is hoping for a big performance from his running back stable and continued strong play from his defense to pull off the victory. For The Pessimists, Coach BJ Hudson is looking for continued improvement from rookie running back Ryan Matthews and is hopeful that the big toe of Jahvid Best can continue to hold up in Detroit. Look for this game to be decided by the number of turnovers created by the Pittsburg defense on MNF.

Illegal Alien Babies @ Riley's Vikings

For the Illegal Alien Babies, Coach Darrell Campbell hopes to have found the missing pieces of the puzzle as he plugs Mario Manningham and Jacob Tamme into his starting lineup for the first time this season. If Josh Freeman and LaGarrette Blount continue to produce as they have in recent weeks, the Aliens could be a team to watch in the second half of the season. Riley's Vikings, in first place in the Thunder Division, will look to Tom Brady and a three wide receiver set to continue to be the divisional pace-setter. Coach Adam Warren is hopeful that his New England defense can take advantage of rookie quarterback Colt McCoy and the Cleveland Browns. The key to this game may be backup running backs Willis McGahee versus Mike Tolbert.

Safety Blitz @ the Hit Squad

These two teams are preparing to do battle with bragging rights of Molina's swing on the line. Safety Blitz enters this contest on the heels of a narrow loss and needing a win to maintain pace in the Thunder Division. Coach Phillip Campbell welcomes back Roddy White and LeSean McCoy following bye weeks and is hopeful for another big day from his Chicago Bears' defense. The Hit Squad welcomes back their three-headed monster at running back, Arian Foster, Ray Rice, and Cedric Benson as they fight to stay in the race in the Lightning Division. Coach David Looper is hopeful that Michael 'The Dog Catcher' Vick can run wild against the Indianapolis defense on Sunday afternoon. This game should come down to Benson's ability to run the football against the Steelers' defense on MNF.

Mike and Mike

In an ironic move this week, Coach Daniel Campbell dropped Seattle wide receiver Mike Williams from his roster following a lack of production. His nameplate in the locker room was not removed, however, as his replacement was none other than Mike Williams of the Tampa Bay Bucaneers. When asked about the coincidence, Coach Daniel Campbell stated, 'I don't know what the hell you're talking about.'

Translator Controversy

There seems to be some major communication issues between BHFFC league members and Coach Darrell Campbell of the Illegal Alien Babies. All of Coach Campbell's team slogans and dialogue is printed in Spanish, yet none of the other league members understand what he is saying, therefore making communication very difficult. Following the lead of Ozzie Guillen, Coach Campbell has filed a petition for more leniant translation rules in the BHFFC.

Manager Prediction Standings

Minimum 10 games picked to qualify

1. Adam Warren 10-5 (67%)
2. Phillip Campbell 18-16 (53%)
3. Daniel Campbell 22-20 (52%)
4. Jason Young 12-12 (50%)
5. ----------------------------------
6. Matthew Campbell 4-1 (80%)
7. David Looper 2-1 (67%)
8. Darrell Campbell 1-4 (20%)

League Notes

As of press time, there have been 13 roster moves this week...Illegal Alien Babies and Charlie's Redrockets lead the league this week with three moves each...Illegal Alien Babies lead the league in overall transactions with 30...Kickers have been the most popular position changes this week, as eight kickers have either been dropped or added from rosters this week...One-Man Wolf Pack is projected to lead all teams in total points this week with a whopping 108...Aaron Rodgers is projected to lead all players with 23 points...Adrian Peterson is projected to lead all running backs with 18 points...Roddy White and Greg Jennings are projected to lead all pass catchers with 12 points each...Antonio Gates is projected to lead all tight ends with 9 points...Ryan Longwell is projected to lead all claimed kickers with 11 points...Green Bay and Minnesota are projected to lead all defenses with 14 points each...All five games this week are non-divisional matchups...Young Gun Football has the largest positive differential between points for and points against with +58.

Safety Blitz Press Conference-Week 9

Opening Statement: It's been a good week of practice for us and we are excited to play on Sunday and get the taste of losing out of our mouth. We have a tough, tough matchup this week against the Hit Squad. It's going to take our best effort to have a chance. We have to get back to playing hard-nosed, fundamental football to get this thing turned around.

How did the wager payoff go with Coach Tara Campbell? The wager has been settled. It wasn't the positioning I was hoping for, but it is what it is. Enough said.

What is your strategy this week going against former base coach companion David Looper? It's going to be a tough grind. Coach Looper is a good old country boy and Montery, TN is one of the toughest places to play in the nation. Those people over there are about as rabid of football fans as there are. We have been blaring "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" through our loud speakers all week to prepare for their theme song and the noise level in that place. There stadium sits down in the ground so the volume is just deafening. Our guys will be prepared though as we have practiced down in Loretto, TN all week to get as similar of an atmosphere as possible.

Were you worried about your players getting into mischief this week in Loretto? Hell no. Not at all. The kingpin of Loretto, Mr. Joshua Lee Sundance Bob Lop the Bartender Hughes, is locked up somewhere in Sumner County right now so I knew there was nothing to worry about. My players were safe.

What are you plans at the tight end position this weekend? That's going to be a game time decision. Cooley is out with a bye so we are contemplating our options. We have had a few discussions with other teams on a possible trade but nothing has worked out as of yet.

What is it going to take to win this weekend? The same thing it takes to win every week in this league-heart, effort, and a relentless passion to win. It's just like a wildabeast on the African plains; if you let your guard down for one second, that's when the hyenas move in for the kill. Just when you think it's safe to take a drink from the pond, that's when the croc strikes from the murky waters. We have to play four quarters of Safety Blitz football. We have to be the hunter and not the hunted. We have to smell blood in the water. WE HAVE TO GO INTO MONTERY AND TAKE WHAT IS OURS!!!!!!

Week 8 Recap

Game of the Week: Hit Squad (73) @ Charlie's Redrockets (75)

Charlie's Redrockets picked up a huge win and successfully defended their home turf with a two point victory over the Hit Squad. Staked to an 33 point lead behind another monster game from tight end Antonio Gates, Coach Matthew Campbell had to hold his breath as the Hit Squad sent out Arian Foster and Reggie Wayne on MNF. Utilizing their trademark bend but don't break defense, the Redrockets gave up 31 points before assuming the victory formation late Monday night. With the win, the Redrockets moved into a tie for 2nd place in the Thunder Division while the Hit Squad fell into 4th place in the Lightning Division.

Game of the Week II: Safety Blitz (69) @ The Hail Marys (72)

In round two of the spouses, The Hail Marys received double digit performances from four of their players to race to an early lead that they would never relinquish. Donovan McNabb (16), Maurice Jones-Drew (14), Danny Woodhead (11), and Terrell Owens (18) led the way for Coach Tara Campbell's squad as they pulled to within one game of first place in the Thunder Division. Safety Blitz made a valiant comeback effort behind 20 points from the Tampa Bay defense, but it was too little, too late for Coach Phillip Campbell's squad.

Illegal Alien Babies (77) @ The Pessimists (97)

Despite a breakout 22 point performance from tailback LaGarrette Blount, the Alien Babies fell in this divisional matchup with The Pessimists. The Alien Babies also received big games from Brandon Lloyd and newly signed quarterback Josh Freeman, but received zero points from the tight end, flex, and kicker positions combined. The Pessimists had five players score in double digits while pulling into a three-way tie for first place in the Lightning Division. The key to this game was the previously mentioned tight end, flex, and kicking positions as Coach BJ Hudson's squad outscored the Alien Babies 28-0 at these spots.

Young Gun Football (88) @ One-Man Wolf Pack (92)

Playing for the second time in three weeks, the Wolf Pack pulled off another narrow victory over Young Gun Football. While the lineups were different due to byes, this game was another classic between the two pace setters in the Lightning Division. Coach Jason Young's squad was all or nothing in this one, as five of his players scored in double figures while the other four players scored six points or less. Coach Zach Maddox received 20 point games from Drew Brees and Adrian Peterson and overcame a shaky performance in the kicking game to secure the victory. The Wolf Pack outscored Young Gun Football 41-22 at the running back position to win the head to head tie breaker for post-season play.

MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown (97) @ Riley's Vikings (109)

Needing a 34 point performance on MNF from Peyton Manning, Coach Daniel Campbell could only dial up 22 points in falling to Thunder Division leader Riley's Vikings. Despite huge games from Jamaal Charles and kicker Dan Carpenter, the Poop squad seemed to be distracted by possible league sanctions for their team's name changes. Coach Adam Warren received a dominant performance from Calvin Johnson and had four other players score in double digits in moving into first place in the Thunder Division by himself.

Pickups of the Week:

Three waiver claims all produced big performances in Week 8 and they were all three members of the Tampa Bay Bucaneers. For Coach Darrell Campbell's Illegal Alien Babies, quarterback Josh Freeman scored 19 points and upstart running back LaGarrette "Right Cross" Blount ran for 22 points on Sunday. Coach Phillip Campbell of Safety Blitz started the Tampa Bay defense to the tune of 20 points.

Manager Prediction Results:

1. Matthew Campbell 4-1 (80%)
2. Jason Young 2-3 (40%)
3. Phillip Campbell 1-3 (25%)
4. Daniel Campbell 1-4 (20%)
5. Darrell Campbell 1-4 (20%)

Updated manager prediction standings will be released on Friday in the Week 9 Preview.

Tight Races:

After eight weeks of play in the BHFFC, not much has been settled in the two divisions. In the Lightning Division, Riley's Vikings hold a slim one game lead over Charlie's Redrockets, Safety Blitz, and The Hail Marys while MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown lurks at two games back. In the Thunder Division, the One-Man Wolf Pack is in a three-way tie for first place with Young Gun Football and The Pessimists. The Hit Squad is two games out of first while the Illegal Alien Babies are three games out of first place. More importantly, the Hit Squad is one game out of the sixth playoff spot and the Alien Babies are only two games back.

No Fines:

After eight weeks of play, there have only been two fines levied against league members for a total of $4. Ironically, the fines were issued to the league's founders; Coaches Jason Young and Phillip Campbell.

Tight Games:

The total margin of victory in all five games during Week 8 was 41 points for an average of 8.2 points. Take away The Pessimists 20 point victory, and the average margin of victory was 5.25 points. Two games were decided by three points or less.

League Notes:

Riley's Vikings scored a league high 109 points in Week 8...Riley's Vikings was the only team to break the 100 point barrier in Week 8...The Thunder and Lightning Divisions are 8-8 in head to head matchups this year following Charlie's Redrockets victory over the Hit Squad...Calvin Johnson led all claimed players in Week 8 with 28 points...BenJarvus Green-Ellis led all running backs with 24 points, albeit from the bench...Peyton Manning and Drew Brees led all quarterbacks with 22 points...In what has become a redundant statement, Antonio Gates led all tight ends with 18 points...Dan Carpenter bombed a 54 yard field goal to lead all kickers with 19 points...Tampa Bay used two 'pick six' plays to lead the defenses with 20 points...Teams using three wide receivers in Week 8 went 1-2, falling to 6-16 on the season...Teams using twin tight ends went 1-0 in Week 8, improving to 3-1 on the season.

Hail Marys Call TO, Upset Safety Blitz

-Courtesy of Associated Press-Richmond, Vagina:

Woody is 'Huge' in Victory

Needing a strong offensive performance on Sunday to maintain pace with the running game of Safety Blitz, Hail Marys coach Tara Campbell called for a TO, as in Terrell Owens. Behind 65 yards receiving and two touchdown grabs, Owens put up 18 points to help ignite the offense during the noon wave of games.

"TO has done everything I've asked of him since we signed him," coach Tara Campbell said, continuing, "he has a bad reputation around the league, but I haven't had a single problem out of him yet. He has been a model citizen so far for our organization and has made some big plays for us on Sundays."

When Owens wasn't torching the Safety Blitz secondary, it was undrafted Danny Woodhead who tormented the opposition. Known by his teammates as 'Woody,' the powerful scat back put up 11 points after receiving his first career start.

"That Woody has been huge all year. He just gets bigger and bigger in clutch situations. He is the kind of guy who just keep coming and coming in practice and he deserved an opportunity to rise to the occasion," quipped Coach Campbell.

Behind Owens, 16 points from Donovan McNabb and 14 points from Maurice Jones-Drew, it appeared that this game would be a route early on. However, Safety Blitz defense Tampa Bay was able to put up huge numbers early on to cut the deficit to single digits down the home stretch.

"We were able to pull it close, but close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and Christian girls," stated Safety Blitz head coach Phillip Campbell. "We were unable to establish a running game and our receivers were pretty much nonexistent. Tip your cap to The Hail Marys, they played their boobs off."

With the win, The Hail Marys have pulled to within one game of first place in the tightly contested Thunder Division with a huge matchup next week against Young Gun Football. Meanwhile, Safety Blitz once again fell out of first place and must regroup quickly to face the high octane Hit Squad next weekend.

Coach Tara Campbell likes the way her team is playing heading into Week 9. "I feel like our football team is getting better each week. We have a stiff challenge ahead of us next week, but with the way my Woody is performing, I think we can outlast the competition."