Opening Statement: I bet that you reporters expect me to come out here and tell you how disappointed I am in my team, don’t you?!? Well I’m sorry but you won’t get that out of me……NOT TODAY! We are playing great football right now. We have scored 90 or more points in seven of the first nine games and four out of the last five. My boys are preparing the right ways, making the right decisions, and playing their asses off week in and week out! One of these days guys…..one of these days, we will play a team that scores less than us.
What are your thoughts on being 2nd on the waiver list? Honestly, it sucks. We don’t feel like we can better ourselves at the moment. There is not a single player on our roster not capable of putting up big numbers. And frankly, the free agent options just plain suck right now. Next question.
How do you feel about riding a league-worst 4 game losing streak? It feels great! We are all yippity doo dah and ecstatic about it! Are you serious with that question?!? We are livid! But are we going to mope around and fuss about it? Hell no! It will only make us practice longer and play harder.
What are your plans with Miles Austin and Ochocinco? At this point, it wouldn’t bother me one bit if they both didn’t show up to my practices the rest of the year. I mean, I spend all week preparing both of them with plenty of reps in practice. Then we get into a game and complete one pass to each of them? These guys are premier receivers and have to be utilized better out there. Sure, I’ll admit that they don’t see a single play anymore in single man-to-man coverage. They are both always doubled up, but so is Hakeem Nicks. We really aren’t concerned with their play at this very second……we have some guys that are ready to step into our WR1 and WR2 spots. They go by the names of Steve “can’t touch this” Johnson and Mike “too fast too furious” Williams.
What do you think of your matchup this weekend with the Illegal Alien Babies? The Illegal Alien Babies are beginning to find ways to win ball games. The idea scares the living daylight out of me. They are winning games right now and we aren’t, plain and simple. Coach Darrell Campbell has made some key acquisitions, picking up Jacob Tamme and several others. We know that the Illegal Alien Babies like to run several trick plays. We have been preparing for plays such as “The Annexation of Puerto Rico”, “The Crowded Minivan”, and even “The Dirty Sanchez”. Let’s just hope our defense shows up this weekend.
Do you feel like your team still has a chance at the playoffs? I never imagined a game between two last place teams could mean so much. We have to get back on the winning track to stand any chance at getting to the playoffs. Let me end this losing streak first and then get back to you on that one. Thanks, that’s all for now.
Coach Daniel Campbell stands up and rips off his shirt displaying a painted message on his chest…..
” Aarón Hernandez no tiene una tarjeta verde ! Hahaha!” (Yes, Coach Campbell has a large chest.)
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