Run DMC Press Conference Week 3

Coach Campbell:  Please, let’s get this s*** over with….I’ve got a bottle of whiskey waiting for me in the car.  Questions!?!

(reporters all look around nervously at one another, afraid to ask the first question)

Coach Campbell:  Do you have any f***in questions or not? 

Jim Rome:  Coach Campbell, I know that you also coach a traveling soccer team as a second job.  I’d just like you to know that I hate the sport of soccer.  It’s just a bunch of Nazis chasing a ball for 90 minutes.  It’s just not entertaining….I need a higher scoring sport.

Coach Campbell:  First of all Slim Jim, I can’t believe they let you in here with that Jersey Shore haircut.    If you want a high scoring sport, you should watch the players sitting bench for Run DMC each week.  Frankly, I’m proud of the way our guys have played the first two weeks.  Fact is, I just haven’t chosen the right guys to take the field.  I like our depth and, with a little more experience on my part, I think our team could be top of the table.  Granted, I would like a little more consistency from the guys….but I’ll happily take the blame for the first two weeks.

Jim Rome:  Top of the table?  Sounds like a soccer term.  Figure it out, Coach!

Coach Campbell:  Security, could you escort Mr. Rome up here to the stage for me?  I’d like to have a quick “off-the-record” conversation.

(Security brings Jim Rome to the stage, Coach Campbell steps away from the microphone to have a word.  Words are exchanged, the reporters attempt to listen but just can’t make out what is being said.  Suddenly Jim Rome hits the floor like a sack of potatoes.  Coach Campbell takes his seat and speaks into the microphone…)

Coach Campbell:  You know what, I have no problem making that conversation public record.  I was unsure of just how knowledgeable Mr. Rome really was.  So I asked him for the capital of Thailand…..he answered correctly with “Bangkok”, so I proceeded to give him a blatant handball!  Anybody else want to question my favorite sport?

(silence)

Coach Campbell:  That’s what I thought.  Now, I’ll take one final question.

Travis Lawson:  Anybody seen “Cousin” Carl Edwards around here?

Coach Campbell:Damnit Lawson, this is a football conference.  Get out of here.

Travis Lawson:Ehhhhh white power!!! Cousin Carl!!!

Coach Campbell:  Security, please give him a ride home….

Travis Lawson:  Home?  We’re going to Stampede’s….dance hall, saloon, and church! C’mon everybody get in the International…..I’m driving!

(Security helps Mr. Lawson into the backseat of a cop car.)

Coach Campbell:  Moving on, I’d like to make one last closing comment.  I would like to thank the members of BHFFC for vetoing my trade this past week.  As a result of the veto, I got to hold on to the world-class talents of Trent Richardson and Stevie “Touchdown” Johnson.  Also, I kept from getting the injured Ahmad Bradshaw and the unwanted Greg Jennings, as his name begins to swirl in trade rumors.  I would like to apologize to Trent and Stevie for putting their names on the trading block.  But hell, if that’s what it takes to get a combined 201 yards and 3 touchdowns this past weekend….they’ll be on the trading block every week!  Finally, I’d like to apologize to all league members for calling them “pussies”.  I will accept whatever punishment the Commish decides to throw my way.  Thank you.