The Comeback Kids Press Conference-Week 11

Opening Statement:  I can’t do anything here but congratulate the Illegal Alien Babies and head coach Darrell Campbell on their victory this past week.  They flat out beat us all over the field.  If you would’ve told me that Josh Freeman would have put up more points than Peyton Manning, there is no way I would have believed it.  But then again, I also wouldn’t believe all of the injuries to Peyton’s weapons at wide receiver, tight end, and even halfback.  I have not given up on my team.  We will fight back.

Reporter: Coach Campbell, you say your team will fight back. Is this where your new team name comes from?  Wow did you really just ask that? Yes of course that’s….. (Coach Campbell pauses and begins to lean over his podium, squinting his eyes trying to get a better look at the reporter)  Is that a Charlie’s Redrockets hat you are wearing? (The reporter is immediately embarrassed and begins to apologize before being interrupted by Coach Campbell)……I don’t want to hear it! Get the hell out of my press conference!  You come in here acting interested about my team, wearing the hat of this week’s enemy. (The reporter is escorted out by security)  Next question from a fan of my team please.

(No one asks a question)

Ok, you don’t have to be fans of my team.  We will win games without you.  We are going to turn this season around without any support.  Next question from anyone please.

Reporter: What is your gameplan for this week’s game against the Redrockets?  Well, you have to attack your opponents’ weakness to win games.  We know that Coach Matt Campbell has been blindsided by many things in his life, and it’s the only way to beat him.  For instance, I have seen my brother blindsided by a low blow in a neighborhood wrestling match…..I have seen a rotten gourd broken on his back in a game of flashlight tag…..and I watched Michael Vick singlehandedly blindside him last week.  So there it is, we plan to take them by surprise.

Reporter: We heard that the commissioner is considering implementing a rule next season just thanks to your actions. Is this true?  Unfortunately, the members of the league have not approved of my team going through several name changes.  So yes, the commish told me that this is my last allowed name change.  We are very upset about it and would rather not talk about it.  Next question please.

(Silence)

(Coach Campbell ended the press conference by asking himself questions and answering them.  Unfortunately our reporters had all left by that point and didn’t record any of it.)

Week 11 Preview

Game of the Week: The Pessimists @ The Hail Marys

Both teams enter this contest with identical 6-4 records. Both teams are tied for first place in their division. Both teams need this win to stay in the hunt for postseason play. The Pessimists are hoping for a big day from quarterback Joe Flacco against an atrocious Carolina secondary. Coach BJ Hudson is also looking for continued production from running back Chris Johnson and wide receiver Hakeem Nicks to pull out the victory. On the home sideline, The Hail Marys will look to utilize a more balanced attack as they have five players projected to score in double digits and no player projected to score less than seven points. Coach Tara Campbell's team is riding a league high four game winning streak and will look to continue their winning ways in this high scoring affair. Look for this game to be decided by the two defenses that match up on SNF.

Young Gun Football @ Hit Squad

Both teams enter this weekend's matchup with 5-5 records and hold down the final two playoff spots in the BHFFC. Young Gun Football has six players scheduled to score in double digits, led by Eli Manning with a projected 16. Coach Jason Young is hoping for his receiving corps will give his team the edge in this slugfest. The Hit Squad will continue to ride the shoulders of running back Arian Foster, although he has a touch matchup this week against the Jets. Coach David Looper is optimistic that Cedric Benson and Ray Rice will be able to shoulder more of the workload this week as they both have favorable matchups. This game could very well be decided by the tight end position, as both teams have struggled at this position in recent weeks. Look for the TE scoring a touchdown to give his team the edge in this one.

Illegal Alien Babies @ One-Man Wolf Pack

The surging Alien Babies will look to continue their winning ways as the Wolf Pack looks to get back on track in this Lightning Division matchup. The Alien Babies are hoping for continued production from Jacob Tamme and LaGarrette Blount. Coach Darrell Campbell is very excited about the return of injured players Malcolm Floyd and Reggie Bush this week. The Wolf Pack will look to team captain Drew Brees to right the ship, as he is facing a weak Seattle secondary that should allow for him to have a big day. Coach Zach Maddox is hopeful that running backs Adrian Peterson and LaDanian Tomlinson will get back in a rhythm this week and lead his team to victory. Look for this game to be decided by the production of the wide receiver corps.

The Comeback Kids @ Charlie's Redrockets

Both of these teams are fighting to stay in the hunt for the playoff picture. The Comeback Kids will look for Peyton Manning to have a big day in his team's showdown with New England. Coach Daniel Campbell is hoping for big days from running backs Michael Turner and Jamaal Charles as both backs have favorable matchups this week. Charlie's Redrockets will continue to mix and match their lineup this week and will look to Kyle Orton under center to guide their team to victory. Coach Matthew Campbell suffered what was arguably his most heart-breaking loss in his career last week and will need to provide leadership and motivation to keep his players focused. Look for this team to be decided by the team that scores the most rushing touchdowns.

Safety Blitz @ Riley's Vikings

This game could get heated as these two teams flat out just don't like each other. Safety Blitz will look to even the season series behind the hot right hand of quarterback Matt Ryan. Coach Phillip Campbell is expecting a big performance from his defense and coninued production from his skill players as he attempts to grab a share of first place in the Thunder Division. Riley's Vikings will look to Tom Brady for guidance against a weak Indianapolis secondary. Coach Adam Warren is looking for an explosive day from running back Frank Gore to overcome a depleted backfield due to injuries. Look for this game to be decided by the flex and defensive positions as all other matchups appear to be fairly even.

Final Name Change

Coach Daniel Campbell has changed his team name for the final time this year to The Comeback Kids. This will be his team's fourth name of the season. Commissioner Phillip Campbell issued a statement to Coach Daniel Campbell requesting the name change, as he reportedly was tired of typing MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown.

Waiver Action

Waiver action has slowed down as we have reached the home stretch of the regular season. Coaches Adam Warren and Daniel Campbell lead the league in transactions this week with four each as of press time. The Illegal Alien Babies continue to lead the league in overall transactions with 36. The Pessimists have made the least number of moves this year with eight.

League Notes

Young Gun Football is the first team to break the 1,000 point barrier this year with 1,004 points scored through 10 games for an average off 100.4...Illegal Alien Babies leads the league in points against with 762...The Hail Marys four game winning streak matches the league record set by Young Gun Football in Weeks 1-4...The 10th place team is only 2 games out of the playoffs heading into Week 11...The Lightning Division holds a slim 14-12 advantage over the Thunder Division in head to head matchups...The only non-divisional game this week is The Pessimists @ The Hail Marys...The Pessimists and The Hail Marys led the league with 5-2 records during Weeks 4-10, the weeks covering byes in the NFL...Micheal 'The Dog Catcher' Vick is projected to lead all players this week with 25...Chris Johnson is projected to lead all running backs by toting the mail for 22 points...Reggie Wayne is projected to lead all wide receivers wtih 14 points...Antonio Gates is expected to return to the lineup from injury and lead all tight ends with 11 points...Rob Bironas is projected to lead all claimed kickers this week with 11 points...Baltimore is projected to lead all defenses this week with 16 points.

Safety Blitz Press Conference-Week 11

*Coach Phillip Campbell enters the conference room performing the Nature Boy Ric Flair's infamous strut*

Opening Statement: WHOO!!!! TO BE THE MAN! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! YOU'VE GOTTA BEAT THE MAN! WHOOOOOOOO BABY!!!!!!! Riley's Vikings, you've been on the winning end in our previous matchups this year. You beat me multiple times in fantasy baseball. You beat me in our first meeting in fantasy football. BUT THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT! WHOOOOO!!!!! WE'RE COMING TO YOUR ISLAND IN THAT CRAP HOLE OF MEMPHIS, AND WE'RE TAKING OVER! WHOO!!!!!! (Coach Campbell struts across the stage again before resuming his position at the podium. The reporters in the room sit and stare in silent shock.) Somebody ask me some questions so I can get out of here! I've got things to do!

Reporter: Uhhh, Coach, are you under the influence of any type of narcotic right now? NARCOTIC? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WHOO!!!! I'M JUST HIGH ON LIFE SON!

Reporter: Coach Campbell there are numerous rumors that you plan to win this weekend "by any means necessary," can you expand on what that means? MEAN! WHOO!!!!!! GENE! Or whatever your name is! Just like the Nature Boy is the dirtiest player in the game, I'm the dirtiest player in this league! We're going to pinch at the bottom of the piles! We're going to hit them with the eye gouge through their facemask! We're going to knock them silly with a low blow! WHOO!!! I'M GETTING FIRED UP JUST STANDING HERE THINKING ABOUT IT! (Coach Campbell struts across the stage again)

Reporter: Coach, with the NFL cracking down on malicious play, especially from the defense, aren't you worried about facing possible suspensions? Son, let me tell ya something right now! WHOO! Those suspensions are for the rookies! I've been around long enough that I've been grandfathered in! Hell, we can wear the one-bar face masks if we choose to!

Reporter: Coach, what's with the Ric Flair impersonation? Is he your favorite wrestler? Hell no! (Coach Campbell pulls out a boom box from under the podium and hits play.)

Song Lyrics Blaring Over the Conference Room: When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside! (Right on cue, Coach Campbell rips his shirt off, a la Hulk Hogan, and walks from one side of the stage to the other cupping his hand over his ear to listen to the roar of the crowd)

Reporter: So Hulk Hogan is your favorite wrestler?: (Coach Campbell stops the music. His face turns a pale, ghostly white color and appears almost lifeless. His eyes roll into the back of his head.) ADAM WARREN! (Coach Campbell impersonates the Undertaker cutting his throat before performing his finishing move) DEAD. MAN. WALKING. (Coach Campbell hits play on his boom box again.)

Song: DONG!.......DONG!........DONG!

(Coach Campbell stares into space for a few moments, rolls his eyes in the back of his head again, raises both arms to the sky, then lets out a blood-curdling scream before walking off the stage.)

Week 10 Recap

Game of the Week: Hit Squad (117) @ Charlie's Redrockets (104)

Maybe this game would be better dubbed the comeback of the century, as the Hit Squad pulled off one for the ages in this one. Charlie's Redrockets received a monster 35 point effort from quarterback Kyle Orton and raced out to a huge lead behind solid fantasy days from 8 of their 9 active players. Coach Matthew Campbell carried a 56 point lead into MNF with only Michael Vick and David Akers left to play for the Hit Squad. Coach David Looper let it be known from the outset Monday night that he was not going to lay down, as he unleashed the dog catcher on a play action touchdown pass on the first play from scrimmage to set the tone. When all was said and done, quarterback Michael Vick put up a league record 57 points to complete the come from behind victory on his own and keep the Hit Squad's playoff hopes alive.

Safety Blitz (115) @ The Pessimists (104)

Safety Blitz received a monster night from quarterback/wide receiver combo Matt Ryan and Roddy White, as the two Falcons hooked up for 55 points to jumpstart Coach Phillip Campbell's offense on Thursday night. Coach Campbell received solid play from his running backs to overcome a shaky performance from his tight end and flex positions in the victory. The Pessimists QB and WR1 actually matched Safety Blitz point for point, as Joe Flacco and Dwayne Bowe put up 55 points to give Coach BJ Hudson's squad a fighting chance on Sunday. Despite having 4 players score 12 points or more, The Pessimists received 7 points combined from 3 positions in falling to their non-divisional rival.

The Hail Marys (95) @ One-Man Wolf Pack (82)

The Hail Marys went on the road to win their fourth straight game behind a two touchdown performance from Maurice Jones Drew. Coach Tara Campbell had four players score in double digits, including quarterback Donovan McNabb, who completed the come from behind victory with 17 points on MNF. On the home sideline, One-Man Wolf Pack received a 27 point performance from quarterback Mark Sanchez but got little help from his teammates in the defeat. Coach Zach Maddox did receive 20 points from his defense, but had 6 of his 9 players uncharacteristically score in single digits.

Young Gun Football (106) @ Riley's Vikings (130)

Young Gun Football had five players score in double digits to reach triple digits yet again in a losing effort. Coach Jason Young got a big boost from his flex position with Knowshown Moreno racking up 21 points in the Broncos romp over the Chiefs. Coach Young had four positions combine to score 14 points, which made the difference in this interdivisional slugfest. Riley's Vikings were led by 38 points from quarterback Tom Brady and had 4 other players reach double digits in the victory. Coach Adam Warren was very pleased with the breakout performance of rookie wide receiver Dez Bryant in the flex spot, commenting that "it's about damn time he did something."

MyPoopIsRonnie&Brown (59) @ The Illegal Alien Babies (102)

The Poop squad was feast or famine this week as three players scored in double digits while the other six scored seven points or less. Coach Daniel Campbell was extremely disappointed in his defensive performance, as the Steelers turned in a -1 effort against the Patriots. The surging Alien Babies had four players score in double digits, led by Fred Jackson with 26. Coach Darrell Campbell's squad broke three digits for the first time this year in climbing out of the league cellar.

Manager Prediction Results

*Note-With NFL games on Thursday nights, you must make your predictions before kickoff on Thursday night to be able to participate.*

1. Phillip Campbell 4-1 (80%)
2. Darrell Campbell 3-2 (60%)
3. Tara Campbell 1-1 (50%)

Manager Prediction Standings

Minimum 15 games to qualify

1. Adam Warren 10-5 (67%)
2. Phillip Campbell 25-19 (57%)
3. Daniel Campbell 25-22 (53%)
4. Jason Young 15-14 (52%)
5. Darrell Campbell 6-9 (40%)
6. ---------------------------------------
7. Matthew Campbell 4-1 (80%)
8. David Looper 2-1 (67%)

League Standings

According to our league rules, the league standings are as follows:

1. Riley's Vikings
2. One-Man Wolf Pack
3. The Pessimists
4. The Hail Mary's
5. Young Gun Football
6. Hit Squad
7. Safety Blitz
8. Charlie's Redrockets
9. Illegal Alien Babies
10. Poop

*Waivers have been changed to reflect the actual standings*

Pickup of the Week

Coach Adam Warren picked up the Indianapolis Colts defense to the tune of 20 points in his victory over Young Gun Football.

League Notes

The Thunder Division went 3-2 vs. the Lightning Division over the weekend...A league record seven teams scored over 100 points last weekend...Three teams scored over 100 points and lost...The smallest margin of victory last weekend was 11 points...The Illegal Alien Babies lead the league in transactions with 34...Michael Vick led all players with an astonishing 57 points to the howls of dogs nationwide...Dwayne Bowe led all wide receivers with 30 points...Fred Jackson led all claimed running backs with 26 points...Todd Heap led all claimed tight ends with 11 points from the bench...Dan Carpenter, David Akers, and Adam Vinateiri took lessons from Matthew Campbell's place-kicking school to lead the kickers with 12 points each...The Illegal Aliens posted 102 points last week and had another 51 points on their bench.

Week 10 Preview

Due to circumstances beyond my control, the Week 10 Preview is going to be very short this week. Please accept my apologies and I will do my best to not let it happen again!

Game of the Week: The Hail Marys @ One-Man Wolf Pack

Two teams tied for first place in their respective divisions.

Upset of the Week: Safety Blitz @ The Pessimists

Safety Blitz is feeling optimistic about their chances.

Good luck to everyone!!!

Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 10

Opening Statement: (Coach Young comes in and flips over table and podium; then takes a drink and spits the water in the air like Triple-H) “Let me be very clear about this – I Hate Losing! I hate losing period. I’m sick of all these people within this organization acting like everything is OK because we score so many points. So What? Who cares how many points we score if we don’t win? That is the bottom line – Winning! You play to win the game. Our team is giving a great effort – I will give them that. The guys are playing hard, but the results are not what we expect. I think this team is still the best team in the Confederation, but they have to get results at the end of the day.”

Commenting on being 2^nd in the league in points scored: (Coach Young goes down; grabs reporter by shirt) “Did you just listen to a ******* thing I said? We have lost 4 of our last 5 games! I don’t care how many points we’ve scored, we are still losing. Go ask Coach Dan Campbell how he feels about leading the league in points – I think you will get a similar answer. Winning is the only thing that matters! This press conference is over!” (Coach lets go of reporter’s shirt; grabs a chair and smashes it against the wall until it breaks)

Notable Statistic:  In Young Gun Football’s five wins their average points scored are 94.4 – In the four losses their average points scored are 106.5. Please make note not to ask Coach Young about this statistic at any future press conferences.

Safety Blitz Mid-Season Report Card

Quarterbacks: B+

Starting quarterback Tony Romo was putting up top 10 numbers before suffering a broken collarbone against the New York Giants. Backup Matt Ryan is a capable replacement but one that takes what the defense gives him and doesn't force the big play. As such, expect Ryan to put up solid numbers on a weekly basis, but don't expect three plus touchdown performances from the Falocons' quarterback as the team utilizes a run first mentality. Current backup Ryan Fitzpatrick has put up good numbers in limited action this year, but he must prove that he can produce against the league's elite teams before becoming a reliable fantasy option.

Running Backs: A

"The Four Horsemen," as Coach Phillip Campbell refers to them, have had a solid year so far. After attaining LeSean McCoy and Steven Jackson in an early season trade, this group of mail carriers provides more depth than any team in the league. Three of the four backs are well on their way to 1,000+ yard seasons. Backup Shonn Greene has shown flashes of breaking out of late but will likely need an injury to LT to put up significant fantasy numbers. Safety Blitz needs more touchdowns out of this position, which is the only stat preventing them from earning an A+.

Wide Receivers: C

Roddy "The Hot Rod" White has proven to be one of the top five wide receivers in the league this year, as he is well on his way to 1,000+yards receiving and double digit touchdowns. The WR2 position has struggled so far this year for Safety Blitz in a complimentary role. Wes Welker is leading New England in receptions and receiving yards, but has failed to score a touchdown since Week 2. Waiver acquisition Steve Breaston failed to produce in his first crack at the starting lineup and is looking for consistent production on a weekly basis to get steady playing time. Either Welker or Breaston needs to step up for this team to make a run at the playoffs.

Tight End: C-

Following the loss of Jermichael Finley for the year, Chris Cooley took over the tight end duties. While he has put up steady numbers so far this year, he has yet to have any game changing performances that can make or break a fantasy season. Following a bye week, look for Cooley to become more involved in the passing game, especially for a red zone offense in Washington that has struggled so far this season.

Kicker: B-

After a slow start, Stephen Gostkowski got hot and produced a string of three straight double digit scoring games. A leg injury this past Sunday will sideline him indefinitely, forcing Saftey Blitz to make a change to their place kicking duties and sign free agent Lawrence Tynes for Week 10. Prior to his injury, Gostkowski kicked 10 field goals.

Defense: C-

Despite high expectations coming into the year, the usually solid Safety Blitz defense took a few weeks to get on track this year. Waiver acquisition Tampa Bay produced a standout performance in Week 8 and the return of Ed Reed to Baltimore has ignited their turnover party once more. Look for this unit to receive a higher grade at season's end.

Coaching: C

While the coaching hasn't been deplorable, Coach Phillip Campbell hasn't been able to put all of the pieces together so far this season as reflected by a 4-5 record. While a rash of injuries to three starters have forced some unexpected personnel moves, the replacements have put up better than average numbers so far. A telling stat is that since the bye weeks started in Week 4, Coach Campbell's squad has gone 2-4. With a full roster from this point forward, we expect those numbers to change but his decision making abilities have to be questioned following the poor performance. In four of his team's five losses, Campbell's squad scored 69 points or less. He will need to make better preparations the rest of the year for his team to have a shot at the playoffs.

Overall: C-

Despite having a losing record at the season's midpoint, Safety Blitz is only one game out of first place in the Thunder Division and only two games out of first place overall. In their four wins this year, they have scored 95 points or more. On the heels of an embarrassing 82 point loss to the Hit Squad, Week 10 could be a make or break year for this team. Look for Coach Campbell to rally his troops and make a playoff push as we enter the home stretch of the season.