Game of the Week: The Pessimists (+16) @ Riley's Vikings
In the only matchup of unbeaten teams, The Pessimists invade Memphis to battle Riley's Vikings on the small island in the Mississippi. Coach BJ Hudson looks to bring an element of surprise into this game, as his team is in the middle of a pending trade and his starting lineup will literally be a game time decision. What is certain for Coach Hudson's squad, however, is that Ray Rice will line up in the backfield and look to ravage a Titans' defense struggling to find their identity. Riley's Vikings will look to entertain the home crowd behind Michael Vick, who obviously is a huge crowd favorite in Memphis. Coach Adam Warren is also putting faith in his Detroit Lions defense to continue their resurgance and help secure the victory. Look for this game to be determined by which team's receivers can step up and make plays on Sunday.
Illegal Alien Babies (+3) @ Safety Blitz
These two winless teams will look to get back on track as father meets son in this Thunder Division matchup. Coach Darrell Campbell will deploy a spread offense and is hopeful that QB Philip Rivers will be involved in a shootout against New England on Sunday. The Alien Babies are also hopeful that Chris Johnson, the topic of this week's poll question, will get back on track against the Ravens. On the home sideline, Coach Phillip Campbell is counting on a raucious Devil's Den crowd give him team an advantage by intimidating the Illegal Aliens. Safety Blitz needs production from Eli Manning, Dwayne Bowe, and Dallas Clark in Week 2, as all three were MIA in Week 1. Look for this game to be determined by the combination of the Flex, WR1, and WR2 positions.
Tebow's Youth Group (-24) @ Campbell's Cougars
This sibling rivalry heats up for the first time this season as these Thunder Division rivals tee it up in Columbia on Sunday. Coach Daniel Campbell is hopeful for a repeat performance from Tom Brady, who put up Nintendo like numbers in leading his team to a come from behind victory. The Youth Group hopes to get their running game on track in Week 2, as they struggled to establish consistency behind a revamped offensive line last week. Campbell's Cougars will look to please the Columbia crowd and get in the win column behind a rejuvinated Tim Hightower, who seems to have established himself as the lead back in the Redskins backfield. Coach Matthew Campbell added WR Mike Sims-Walker to his squad this week and will immediately insert him into the starting lineup, hoping to spark his offensive attack. This game should be decided by whether or not the Youth Group can handle the size and strength of the Cougars' twin tight end set.
Carmichael's Crusaders (+4) @ Young Gun Football
The expansion Crusaders seek their first win in franchise history as they invade the unfriendly confines of Hell's Half Acre on Sunday to face Young Gun Football. Coach Ethan Hudson is set to unveil a twin tight end set; however, rumors are swirling about a potential trade that could add Calvin Johnson to his roster in time for kickoff on Sunday. Regardless, the Crusaders need AP to put up numbers worthy of his first overall selection. Young Gun Football looks to remain undefeated and atop the Lightning Division behind Aaron Rodgers, who should have no trouble putting up numbers against a weak Carolina defense. Coach Jason Young believes that his team has an advatage on the defensive side of the ball as well, as his Jets will look to attack the Jaguars and their inexperienced QB. This game will be decided by the ability of the Crusader's Chicago Bears' defense to contain the Saints aerial assault.
Team Maddux (+6) @ We Got Big TDs
These two Lightning Division members square off in Portland on Sunday in what is predicted to be a high scoring affair. Coach Zach Maddux brings first place squad into this game with a banged up roster, as two of his key starters appear to be game time decisions. Team Maddux will rely on Maurice Jones-Drew and Darren McFadden to shoulder the workload and believe that the Saints defense can shut down the Bears on Sunday. We Got Big TDs will look to get their implants bouncing this weekend at home as Coach Tara Campbell hopes to get the running game up and moving in Week 2. Coach Campbell told us earlier in the week that her defense will be a game time decision and that she is not pleased with the fine received by Troy Polamalu. Look for this game to be decided by which Lone Star State QB has a better performance on Sunday.
Maddawg's Tight End (+3) @ Play Action Pass
These two strangers meet for the first time Sunday in Monterey in this key Lightning Division matchup. Maddawg's Tight End is looking for a better performance from Big Ben in Week 2, and a weak Seattle defense might be just what the doctor ordered. Coach Miranda Maddux is thin at running back this week, as Knowshon Moreno is banged up and will be a game time decision. On the homestanding Montery sideline, Coach David Looper will once again deploy his aerial assault behind Drew Brees before he sends in his ground troops led by Michael Turner on SNF. Coach Looper also believes that his team has a distinct advantage on the defensive side of the ball, as his Packers are set to attack a rookie QB and the Panthers' offense. Look for this game to be determined by the RB2 position.
Trade Rumors Swirling
Akin to the winds at the former Candlestick Park, trade rumors have been circulating faster than the Portland Leader can be delivered to the bustling town of 10,000. While no trades have been finalized as of press time, at least six teams have been confirmed to be actively seeking changes to their roster.
Record Voting
A league record eight votes have been received so far on the weekly poll question regarding CJ's salary.
League Notes
There were 19 transactions made this week since Tuesday, including one pending trade...Riley's Vikings made the most roster moves with four...Aaron Rodgers is projected to lead all players with 30 points...Ray Rice is projected to lead all running backs with 24 points...Andre Johnson is projected to score 18 points and lead all wide receivers...Antonio Gates and Jermichael Finley are projected to score 12 points each to lead the tight end position...Stephen Gostkowski is projected to score 12 points to lead all kickers...The Ravens are projected to lead all defenses with 11 points...Riley's Vikings are projected to lead all teams with 121 points...Ten of the league's 12 teams are projected to score over 100 points...Two teams are set to utilize a twin tight end set this weekend...Young Gun Football has a league high four players suiting up in SNF...No team has more than one player starting on MNF...Maddawg's Tight End vs. Play Action Pass and Team Maddux vs. We Got Big TDs will both be decided on Sunday.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Safety Blitz Press Conference-Week 2
Opening Statement: Let me start by saying this: I'M PISSED OFF!!! LOSING IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF LOSING!!! (Paces across the stage). Questions, I'm ready for quesitons.
Cecil Joyce (former colleague of Tony Stinnett at DNJ): Phil-Dog, how's it going? It's been a long time since Babe Ruth when Joshua Hughes was firing knuckle balls at you back in the day. How has life been treating you?
Coach Campbell: Shut the hell up Cecil! This isn't time for a family reunion! Next question.
Erin Andrews: Coach Campbell, I'm sorry if I distracted you by constantly bending over on your sideline.
Coach Campbell: I didn't even notice. You're not really my type, contrary to the BS that Coach Daniel Campbell was talking all last week. You need to eat some taters and cornbread before you will be a distraction to me little girl! Next question.
Stuart Scott: Booyah! Coach C! My man Foster is set to get it done on Sunday-you gonna start him?
Coach Campbell: WTF did you just say? Was that English? And what the hell is wrong with your eye? Next question.
Jo-Jo: Coach Campbell, what are your thoughts on the Illegal Alien Babies?
Coach Campbell: Finally, a football question. Thank you Jo-Jo. It's good be back home again. Our fans are the best in the BHFFC and 'The Devil's Den' is going to be rocking all weekend. Our guys know that we have to hold serve at home, especially against foreign invaders. The Illegal Alien Babies are going to present us with a tough matchup this weekend. Their spread attack is tough to defend and they have quality receivers all over the place. We have to hope that we can keep CJ off the tracks again this week as he acclimates himself to a new offensive coordinator.
Jo-Jo: Any truth to the rumor that you will have Customs officials stationed outside the visitors' locker room?
Coach Campbell: No comment. Next question.
Bill O'Reilly: Mr. Campbell, have you taken into account the ramifications of bringing a team from a third world country and their fans onto American soil? This has the makings of a political disaster written all over it and as I am sure you are aware, we are quickly approaching an election year. Would you care to explain yourself?
Coach Campbell: WTF is Bill O'Reilly doing at my press conference?!? Bill O'Reilly? Somebody get this crazy SOB out of here! (Security drags a kicking and screaming Bill towards the door) Wait! Bill! If you want an interview, you will have to do it through my director of media relations. Talk to him on your way out!
Cecil Joyce (former colleague of Tony Stinnett at DNJ): Phil-Dog, how's it going? It's been a long time since Babe Ruth when Joshua Hughes was firing knuckle balls at you back in the day. How has life been treating you?
Coach Campbell: Shut the hell up Cecil! This isn't time for a family reunion! Next question.
Erin Andrews: Coach Campbell, I'm sorry if I distracted you by constantly bending over on your sideline.
Coach Campbell: I didn't even notice. You're not really my type, contrary to the BS that Coach Daniel Campbell was talking all last week. You need to eat some taters and cornbread before you will be a distraction to me little girl! Next question.
Stuart Scott: Booyah! Coach C! My man Foster is set to get it done on Sunday-you gonna start him?
Coach Campbell: WTF did you just say? Was that English? And what the hell is wrong with your eye? Next question.
Jo-Jo: Coach Campbell, what are your thoughts on the Illegal Alien Babies?
Coach Campbell: Finally, a football question. Thank you Jo-Jo. It's good be back home again. Our fans are the best in the BHFFC and 'The Devil's Den' is going to be rocking all weekend. Our guys know that we have to hold serve at home, especially against foreign invaders. The Illegal Alien Babies are going to present us with a tough matchup this weekend. Their spread attack is tough to defend and they have quality receivers all over the place. We have to hope that we can keep CJ off the tracks again this week as he acclimates himself to a new offensive coordinator.
Jo-Jo: Any truth to the rumor that you will have Customs officials stationed outside the visitors' locker room?
Coach Campbell: No comment. Next question.
Bill O'Reilly: Mr. Campbell, have you taken into account the ramifications of bringing a team from a third world country and their fans onto American soil? This has the makings of a political disaster written all over it and as I am sure you are aware, we are quickly approaching an election year. Would you care to explain yourself?
Coach Campbell: WTF is Bill O'Reilly doing at my press conference?!? Bill O'Reilly? Somebody get this crazy SOB out of here! (Security drags a kicking and screaming Bill towards the door) Wait! Bill! If you want an interview, you will have to do it through my director of media relations. Talk to him on your way out!
Tebow's Youth Group Press Conference-Week 2
Coach Campbell: Let me just start off by saying….I’d like to thank Jesus Christ for Tom Brady and his 517 yard, 4 touchdown performance. Going into Monday night’s game, we knew we had a difficult task ahead of us. We were losing by 18 points. Coach Phillip Campbell and the Safety Blitz still had Deion Branch and Stephen Gostkowski to play. All we had left was Tom “Pretty Boy” Brady. This meant that we needed an 18 point turn around, while one of Phillip’s remaining players was Tom Brady’s second favorite target. Going into the game, I told Tom that he could only use Branch as a last resort target. I told him that if every one of his other receivers is in double coverage in the endzone, but Branch is wide open with no one within 15 yards of him…..you throw that ball away! Tom executed the gameplan perfectly, as he connected with Deion on 7 occasions for 93 yards and ZERO touchdowns! If we could just keep Deion out of the endzone, we knew we would give ourselves a fighting chance to win the game. I will now be more than happy to answer any questions.
Coach Adam Warren disguised as a Reporter: Umm yes Coach Campbell, do you ever wonder what’s going on behind you during the game?
Coach Campbell: I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand the question. Could you elaborate?
Coach Adam Warren disguised as a Reporter: Well, what if all of the light poles started falling over onto the field? What would you do?
Coach Campbell: What the hell kind of a question is that?!? I’m here to answer football questions damnit, not questions about dodging falling light poles! Why are you at the Youth Group vs. Safety Blitz press conference wearing a Riley’s Vikings hat anyways? Wait a minute, take the hat and shades off.
(Coach Warren takes off his disguise)
Damnit Warren! I should’ve known that question could only come from your mouth. Security, get him out of here. Warren, we’ll see you in Week 7! Next question please.
Reporter: There were rumors floating around all week that you had held a 30-minute session each day training your receivers on tackling. Is this true?
Coach Campbell: No, it was actually 2 hours each day.
Reporter: Coach Campbell, why were you working with your receivers on tackling?
Coach Campbell: We only allowed Deion Branch to run 5 & out patterns all game long. In the off chance that Deion broke a couple of tackles and headed towards the endzone, we were going to need Welker, Ochocinco, or Hernandez wrap him up. Luckily that situation never came about. Next question please.
Reporter: Coach Campbell, you received some criticism from Coach Warren earlier this week about starting the Giants defense instead of the Ravens defense. Could you tell us what led you to this decision?
Coach Campbell: First, I would like to publicly apologize to Ed Reed and Ray Lewis. That should be enough to prevent my ass from being beaten in the locker room. I accept full responsibility for my actions in benching the Ravens defense. Up until this past Sunday, Joe Flacco had never beaten the Steelers. Therefore, I decided to explore other options. It was a mistake as the Ravens defense put up 3 interceptions, 4 fumble recoveries, and 4 sacks. I was glad that my Ravens defense made a statement to prove me wrong. This gives me the utmost confidence in them to perform all season the way they did in Week 1.
Reporter: What are you expecting in your Week 2 matchup with Campbell’s Cougars? This will be back-to-back weeks that you will be coaching against a brother of yours.
Coach Campbell: You think I don’t know that?!? Sorry, I’m not too excited about getting such a tough early schedule. But I’m excited about all of the Campbells in the league this year. I know that all Campbells (blood or not) are strong competitors. We know that Coach Matthew Campbell will be looking to get his team back on the right track in Week 2. They lost a 71-72 nailbiter to Coach Warren and the Vikes in Week 1. We are not going to let the 71 points fool us though. The Cougars are loaded with a backfield full of workhorse running backs and a grandstand full of smoking hot 40+ year-old women. Gore, Jackson, and Hightower are all hard-nosed tailbacks that like to get cut a sweep back in between the tackles rather than breaking it outside. This week in practice, expect to see some CAT equipment out on our practice fields. We will have our o-line pushing bulldozers instead of sleds, our linebacks taking wrecking balls to the stomach, and our kickers practicing accuracy by kicking into the back of a dump truck. Just ask Coach Matthew Campbell about what he and I used to do to strengthen our core with a tennis racket and tennis balls in the middle of the culdesac. We know that Coach Campbell has three quality quarterbacks in Newton, Ryan, and Kolb. He has yet to name the starter, so we will have three different gameplans to accommodate for each of their different styles. We are looking for continued performances from Brady, Beanie, and Wayne to carry us. Also, I would like to see Jamaal Charles step up and play his game this week. We didn’t get what we expected in Week 1 from our first round draft selection. We consulted with Coach Darrell Campbell, and he agreed to train Jamaal in his push-up regiment. Luckily, we were able to find an hour from 2:00am-3:00am on Thursday mornings when Coach Darrell Campbell wasn’t busy sneaking Mexicans across the border.
If that’s all of the questions, we will see you all on the pitch.
Young Gun Football Press Conference-Week 2
Coach Young: “I gotta tip my cap to Coach Maddux, she had her Maddawg Tight End squad fired up and ready to play in their inaugural BHFFC game. The Undertaker logo is a welcome addition to the BHFFC and I look for the Maddawg’s to be a tough competitor in the Lightning Division. Fortunately, we took advantage of some rookie mistakes during MNF as Knowshon Moreno, a former Young Gun running back, fumbled early and was held in check by our run blitzing defense. We were very lucky to escape with a win.”
Chris Berman, ESPN: “Coach Young, what was going through your head when you lost your kicker on the opening kickoff of the season?”
Coach Young: “Well Chris, every season I try to take kickers and defenses early enough that I get one of the top 3. I feel that people underestimate the value of these positions. My defense is the reason I won this week as the Jets returned a blocked punt for a TD. When Kaeding went down, I knew we were in trouble. Those 8-12 points a kicker normally gives you are invaluable to winning a game. I give Kaeding credit for trying to show his toughness by making a tackle, but he paid the price for it. Thankfully, our defense stepped up, made some big plays, and put the clamps on the running game in the 4th quarter.”
Joe Biddle, Tennessean: “Speaking of your defense, how did you feel they would do under the lights of Monday Night Football with such a daunting task at hand?”
Coach Young: “Daunting task? What the hell kind of question is that? We build our entire off-season practice schedule around preparing ourselves for the end of the game. We will not be outworked and it showed at the end of the game this week. We have three-a-day practices virtually year round. We even have a day care center on site so our guys can see their families during one of the 30 minute breaks we give the players. Other than that, they are here to work from 6 am until 8 pm. Our defense still seemed fresh and the Maddawg’s O-line and backs were totally winded. Knowshon Moreno was our scout team back last year, so our D has gone up against him many times. I didn’t really see the task as “daunting”; I knew we would shut him down!”
Tony Stinnett, Cannon Courier: “Coach Young, you are facing another new team to the BHFFC this week with Ethan Hudson and his Carmichael’s Crusaders coming to Hell’s Half Acre, will you be seeking to send the Hudson family a message after the playoff loss to BJ Hudson’s Pessimist’s squad?”
Coach Young: “Tony, thanks for not asking any questions about Oakland High School Baseball so far this year. Yes, there will be some level of vengeance on our minds, but we have to focus on the task at hand and save that anger for week 13 and the Pessimist’s. Coach Hudson is bringing in a team with two of Aaron Rodgers top weapons to try and negate our high powered passing attack, so we have to prepare for that. We are an underdog at home and we have to be focused and ready to attack like a crazed portuguese man-o-war! We have to get heat on Matthew Stafford and have our D come up with some turnovers again.”
Coach Young, Closing: “We have to stay focused on this game and not be looking ahead to Safety Blitz and Tebow’s Youth Group which are the next two games. Those will be fierce; bloody conflicts, but Coach Hudson is new to the league and will be looking to make a statement about where his expansion team stands in the pecking order. We showed one new team that it takes more than “beginner’s luck” to take down Young Gun Football and we plan to show Coach Hudson more of the same. Thanks and remember to come out to Hells’ Half Acre early this Sunday for the free Metallica concert and salute to our Armed Forces.”
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Week 1 Recap
Game of the Week: Riley's Vikings (72) @ Campbell's Cougars (71)
In an epic Week 1 battle between former roommates, Riley's Vikings pulled out a narrow one point victory over Campbell's Cougars. This game was a defensive war, as only 7 of the 18 participants reached double digits. Coach Adam Warren rode first round draft choice Michael "The Dog Catcher" Vick to the tune of 26 points, as Vick got it done both on the ground and through the air. On the opposing sideline, Campbell's Cougars appeared to be snakebit during Week 1 as they battled both injuries and a stiff Chicago defense. Steven Jackson appeared to be headed for a monster day on Sunday after racking up 11 points in the 1st quarter alone. Jackson pulled up lame, however, and combined with a tough day for Matt Ryan under center, Coach Matthew Campbell was left on the losing end of this one. When asked about a possible controversy under center, Campbell quipped, "I don't care whose hand goes under the center's ass to get the football."
Team Maddux (106) @ Carmichael's Crusaders (77)
Team Maddux gave a warm opening week welcome to newcomer Ethan Hudson as they went on the road and handily defeated the rookie coach's squad. Coach Zach Maddux deployed a balanced scoring attack, with 6 of his 9 starters scoring 12 points or more, while 3 members of his bench scored in double digits as well. "I'm pleased with our effort," was all that Coach Maddux would say as he jogged off the field after the victory. Carmichael's Crusaders were led by QB Josh Freeman and his 16 points in addition to a strong performance from the receiving corps. Coach Hudson was less than pleased, however, as he was quoted during the game as saying, "My bench screwed me. I changed D at last second and Freeman is playing like a bitch."
We Got Big TDs (96) @ Play Action Pass (141)
In this self proclaimed "Battle for Woody," We Got Big TDs held tough early but couldn't withstand a late thrust from Play Action Pass on MNF. Coach Tara Campbell's squad was led by 3 touchdowns and a 26 point performance from RB Mike Tolbert. Coach Campbell was displeased with her overall running game, as Peyton Hillis and Rashard Mendenhall combined to score only 10 points. For Coach David Looper, QB Drew Brees led the way with 34 points as 7 of 9 starters scored in double digits. Play Action Pass also rode a huge 28 point performance from WR Wes Welker and a 25 point effort from the 49ers defense. On a side note, Danny Woodhead scored six points from the bench of Play Action Pass.
Young Gun Football (95) @ Maddawg's Tight End (93)
Rookie Coach Miranda Maddux almost pulled off a huge Week 1 upset over Young Gun Football but were left just short of the goalline. Maddawg's Tight End received huge performances from RB LeSean McCoy and WR Kenny Britt (25 points each) in the losing effort. Coach Maddux was less than pleased with the performance of QB Ben Roethlisberger, who was outscored by both backup QBs on her bench. "Our QB position is up for grabs in practice this week," she said as she stormed out of the postgame press conference. Coach Jason Young attained the tough road victory, albeit not without a near heart attack on MNF as he had to hope Knowshon Moreno was held to less than five points for the victory. "A win is a win, and that's the bottom line," Coach Young stated to our sideline reporter after the game. Young Gun Football was led by the phenominal right arm of Aaron Rodgers, who put up a 30 point effort in the victory.
The Pessimists (119) @ Illegal Alien Babies (84)
After entering Week 1 as the only team predicted to score less than 100 points, The Pessimists made it a point to prove their doubters wrong in a handy defeat over the Illegal Alien Babies. The Pessimists were led by Matt Hasselbeck, Ray Rice, and Calvin Johnson, who combined to score 66 points in the winning effort. Coach BJ Hudson was more than pleased, tweeting "First team to 100 points!" shortly after breaking the century mark. On the home sideline, Coach Darrell Campbell had flashbacks of a dismal start of the 2010 season as his troops struggled to find consistency throughout the lineup. The Aliens were led by a 21 point effort from Philip Rivers while star running back Chris Johnson could only muster 4 points. Coach Campbell was overheard yelling "Vamanos! Vamanos!" repeatedly as he paced up and down the home sideline.
Safety Blitz (96) @ Tebow's Youth Group (103)
Safety Blitz built a big early lead but couldn't withstand a remarkable performance from Tebow's Youth Group on MNF as Coach Daniel Campbell's squad pulled out the come from behind victory. Safety Blitz was led by the 21 point effort of Matt Forte, but Coach Phillip Campbell received limited production from his receivers and tight ends. "Kerry Collins better figure it the f$@# out really quick and get Dallas Clark the f$@#ing football!" Tebow's Youth Group was led by the record breaking performance of Tom Brady, who put up 42 points in leading the comeback. "What can I say, he's got great hair!" Coach Daniel Campbell joked after last night's victory.
Manager Prediction Standings
*Special note from the commissioner*
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the BHFFC:
I regret to inform you that ESPN does not show me the list of who voted for who in each week's game. As such, from this point forward, in addition to placing your vote, I need you to type in each game's Smack Board your name and who you predict will win. I regret that we have lost one full week of this great competition.
Sincerely,
Your Commissioner"
Poll Results
According to the poll results with 50% of the vote, the Titans will win 8 games this season.
Home Sweet Home?
Home teams went a combined 2-4 in Week 1, with Tebow's Youth Group and Play Action Pass being the only teams to hold serve over the weekend.
Against the Spread
Only two teams covered their spread this week: Team Maddux and Play Action Pass. Overall, teams predicted to win entering Week 1 went 3-3.
League Notes
Tom Brady led all players with 42 points...Wes Welker led all active wide receivers with 28 points...Ray Rice and Mike Tolbert led all running backs with 26 points each...Jason Witten and Jimmy Graham led all active tight ends with 11 points each...The 49ers set the tone defensively with 25 points in a dominant performance...Sebastian Janikowski led all active kickers with 13 points, including an NFL record-tying 63 yard bomb...Teams deploying a three wide receiver set in Week 1 went 1-3...While 11 teams were predicted to eclipse 100 points, only 4 succeeded in doing so...Play Action Pass led all teams with a whopping 141 points...Riley's Vikings leads all teams in points against with 71...The Campbell's combined for a 1-4 record in Week 1, with their only victory coming from Daniel defeating Phillip...The average margin of victory in Week 1 was 19.8 points...Carmichael's Crusader's bench scored 80 points, which would have been enough to defeat 3 of the starting lineups in Week 1.
In an epic Week 1 battle between former roommates, Riley's Vikings pulled out a narrow one point victory over Campbell's Cougars. This game was a defensive war, as only 7 of the 18 participants reached double digits. Coach Adam Warren rode first round draft choice Michael "The Dog Catcher" Vick to the tune of 26 points, as Vick got it done both on the ground and through the air. On the opposing sideline, Campbell's Cougars appeared to be snakebit during Week 1 as they battled both injuries and a stiff Chicago defense. Steven Jackson appeared to be headed for a monster day on Sunday after racking up 11 points in the 1st quarter alone. Jackson pulled up lame, however, and combined with a tough day for Matt Ryan under center, Coach Matthew Campbell was left on the losing end of this one. When asked about a possible controversy under center, Campbell quipped, "I don't care whose hand goes under the center's ass to get the football."
Team Maddux (106) @ Carmichael's Crusaders (77)
Team Maddux gave a warm opening week welcome to newcomer Ethan Hudson as they went on the road and handily defeated the rookie coach's squad. Coach Zach Maddux deployed a balanced scoring attack, with 6 of his 9 starters scoring 12 points or more, while 3 members of his bench scored in double digits as well. "I'm pleased with our effort," was all that Coach Maddux would say as he jogged off the field after the victory. Carmichael's Crusaders were led by QB Josh Freeman and his 16 points in addition to a strong performance from the receiving corps. Coach Hudson was less than pleased, however, as he was quoted during the game as saying, "My bench screwed me. I changed D at last second and Freeman is playing like a bitch."
We Got Big TDs (96) @ Play Action Pass (141)
In this self proclaimed "Battle for Woody," We Got Big TDs held tough early but couldn't withstand a late thrust from Play Action Pass on MNF. Coach Tara Campbell's squad was led by 3 touchdowns and a 26 point performance from RB Mike Tolbert. Coach Campbell was displeased with her overall running game, as Peyton Hillis and Rashard Mendenhall combined to score only 10 points. For Coach David Looper, QB Drew Brees led the way with 34 points as 7 of 9 starters scored in double digits. Play Action Pass also rode a huge 28 point performance from WR Wes Welker and a 25 point effort from the 49ers defense. On a side note, Danny Woodhead scored six points from the bench of Play Action Pass.
Young Gun Football (95) @ Maddawg's Tight End (93)
Rookie Coach Miranda Maddux almost pulled off a huge Week 1 upset over Young Gun Football but were left just short of the goalline. Maddawg's Tight End received huge performances from RB LeSean McCoy and WR Kenny Britt (25 points each) in the losing effort. Coach Maddux was less than pleased with the performance of QB Ben Roethlisberger, who was outscored by both backup QBs on her bench. "Our QB position is up for grabs in practice this week," she said as she stormed out of the postgame press conference. Coach Jason Young attained the tough road victory, albeit not without a near heart attack on MNF as he had to hope Knowshon Moreno was held to less than five points for the victory. "A win is a win, and that's the bottom line," Coach Young stated to our sideline reporter after the game. Young Gun Football was led by the phenominal right arm of Aaron Rodgers, who put up a 30 point effort in the victory.
The Pessimists (119) @ Illegal Alien Babies (84)
After entering Week 1 as the only team predicted to score less than 100 points, The Pessimists made it a point to prove their doubters wrong in a handy defeat over the Illegal Alien Babies. The Pessimists were led by Matt Hasselbeck, Ray Rice, and Calvin Johnson, who combined to score 66 points in the winning effort. Coach BJ Hudson was more than pleased, tweeting "First team to 100 points!" shortly after breaking the century mark. On the home sideline, Coach Darrell Campbell had flashbacks of a dismal start of the 2010 season as his troops struggled to find consistency throughout the lineup. The Aliens were led by a 21 point effort from Philip Rivers while star running back Chris Johnson could only muster 4 points. Coach Campbell was overheard yelling "Vamanos! Vamanos!" repeatedly as he paced up and down the home sideline.
Safety Blitz (96) @ Tebow's Youth Group (103)
Safety Blitz built a big early lead but couldn't withstand a remarkable performance from Tebow's Youth Group on MNF as Coach Daniel Campbell's squad pulled out the come from behind victory. Safety Blitz was led by the 21 point effort of Matt Forte, but Coach Phillip Campbell received limited production from his receivers and tight ends. "Kerry Collins better figure it the f$@# out really quick and get Dallas Clark the f$@#ing football!" Tebow's Youth Group was led by the record breaking performance of Tom Brady, who put up 42 points in leading the comeback. "What can I say, he's got great hair!" Coach Daniel Campbell joked after last night's victory.
Manager Prediction Standings
*Special note from the commissioner*
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the BHFFC:
I regret to inform you that ESPN does not show me the list of who voted for who in each week's game. As such, from this point forward, in addition to placing your vote, I need you to type in each game's Smack Board your name and who you predict will win. I regret that we have lost one full week of this great competition.
Sincerely,
Your Commissioner"
Poll Results
According to the poll results with 50% of the vote, the Titans will win 8 games this season.
Home Sweet Home?
Home teams went a combined 2-4 in Week 1, with Tebow's Youth Group and Play Action Pass being the only teams to hold serve over the weekend.
Against the Spread
Only two teams covered their spread this week: Team Maddux and Play Action Pass. Overall, teams predicted to win entering Week 1 went 3-3.
League Notes
Tom Brady led all players with 42 points...Wes Welker led all active wide receivers with 28 points...Ray Rice and Mike Tolbert led all running backs with 26 points each...Jason Witten and Jimmy Graham led all active tight ends with 11 points each...The 49ers set the tone defensively with 25 points in a dominant performance...Sebastian Janikowski led all active kickers with 13 points, including an NFL record-tying 63 yard bomb...Teams deploying a three wide receiver set in Week 1 went 1-3...While 11 teams were predicted to eclipse 100 points, only 4 succeeded in doing so...Play Action Pass led all teams with a whopping 141 points...Riley's Vikings leads all teams in points against with 71...The Campbell's combined for a 1-4 record in Week 1, with their only victory coming from Daniel defeating Phillip...The average margin of victory in Week 1 was 19.8 points...Carmichael's Crusader's bench scored 80 points, which would have been enough to defeat 3 of the starting lineups in Week 1.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Week 1 Preview
Game of the Week: We Got Big TDs (-4) @ Play Action Pass
This friendly rivalry turned ugly in a hurry during the draft this past Saturday, as Play Action Pass pulled a quick over on the Big TDs and signed Danny Woodhead. Rumors have swirled all week as to how the deal went down, but regardless of the actual circumstances, both of these coaches are out for blood in Week 1. Coach Tara Campbell brings a hard nosed running game to Monterey in Rashard Mendenhall and Peyton Hillis, but they are both faced with tough run defenses on Sunday. Matt Shaub may put up huge numbers against the Colts, especially if the Texans are forced to the air in the case that running back Arian Foster can't suit up. Play Action Pass looks to hit the ground running behind Drew Brees and the Saints on TNF. The dilemma for Coach David Looper is that Brees and his tight end, Jimmy Graham, are both facing his own defense in the Green Bay Packers. When asked about the situation, Coach Looper responded by saying, "I don't give a frog's behind about defense. When you come to Monterey, the sign reads "Where the hilltops kiss the sky." That's not the case for the Big TDs. As far as I'm concerned, this is where the Big TDs can kiss my a$$!!!"
Safety Blitz (+10) @ Tebow's Youth Group
This divisional matchup has the making for an instant classic in Week 1. Coach Phillip Campbell has yet to announce his starting lineup, instead choosing to keep his cards close to the vest. "It's bad enough that I have to sit through these stupid press conferences with you losers every week. Why the hell would I want to tell you about my gameplan?" Safety Blitz is hopeful that Arian Foster will be able to go on Sunday and that old man Kerry Collins can find Dallas Clark on a frequent basis. Tebow's Youth Group looks to counter behind the strong running of Jamaal Charles against a hideous Buffalo run defense. Coach Daniel Campbell is also looking for big production from his defense, who faces the hapless Washington Redskins on Sunday. Look for the difference in this game to come from the wide receiver position.
Riley's Vikings (+3) @ Campbell's Cougars
These two former roommates meet yet again on the gridiron for fantasy football bragging rights. Despite his absence from the draft, Coach Adam Warren is very confident in his team. "I've got two words for you: Michael F-ing Vick." Look for the Vikings to exploit their strength at running back, as they have favorable matchups at both the RB1 and RB2 positions. Campbell's Cougars will bring a strong rushing attack to this game as well behind Frank Gore, Steven Jackson, and Tim Hightower. The difference in this game could easily come down to the tight end position, where the Cougars have a definite advantage over the Vikings in Vernon Davis matching up with Lance Kendricks.
The Pessimists (+20) @ Illegal Alien Babies
The Pessimists will enter foreign territory as a huge underdog in Week 1. Coach BJ Hudson decided to bypass the draft room and opted instead to visit Toot's, which may have cost him dearly in the long run. Coach Hudson is taking a negative approach to his patchwork team, saying only that "I got screwed." On the opposite sideline, Coach Darrell Campbell is ready to begin his playoff run behind the newly signed ebonics specialist, Chris Johnson. The Illegal Alien Babies are ready to set their revamped "Dirty Bird" defense loose in their home opener. When asked for his thoughts on this week's matchup, Coach Campbell replied, "Andele', andele'. Vamanos!"
Team Maddux (+19) @ Carmichael's Crusaders
Coach Zach Maddux leads his team into uncharted waters in Week 1 as they battle newcomer Ethan Hudson and his Crusaders. Coach Maddux is hopeful that a healthy Tony Romo can earn his team one more win this year than last, as Team Maddux fell in the championship game last year. "I'm ready to play football," Coach Maddux quipped when asked about the sting of last year's losing finale. Coach Ethan Hudson will make his debut donning the spread offense, believing this his deep threat wide receivers can make the difference in the football game. When asked about all of the preparations that go into christening a new stadium, Coach Hudson replied, "I don't give a damn about ceremonies or firecrackers or any of that stuff. Bottom line is at the end of the day, the field is 100 yards long. I'm here to make a statement in Week 1."
Young Gun Football (+4) @ Maddawg's Tight End
Coach Jason Young looks to start his season strong as he faces newcomer Miranda Maddux in a Week 1 showdown. Young Gun Football will look to ride the arm of Aaron Rodgers and their trademark strong receiving corps as they invade Columbia this weekend. Coach Young was overheard telling his players at the end of this morning's walk through that "I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get me some Tight End this weekend!" Coach Miranda Maddux knows that she is in for a challenge in her first year in the league, yet she welcomes it with open arms. "The town of Columbia has been asking for another BHFFC member for years now," she said, "and I'm here to deliver it for them." Maddawg's Tight End will look to the veteran leadership of Big Ben to take them to the promised land. Coach Maddux will utilize a three wide set this weekend, but she said that she is ready for Coach Young focus his team's sights on her tight end. This game has potential to be an instant classic and will likely be decided on MNF.
League Notes
Carmichael's Crusaders are projected to lead all teams with 130 points this week...Eleven of the 12 teams in the league are projected to eclipse 100 points...Aaron Rodgers has the highest projection overall this week with 28 points...Roddy White leads all receivers with 23 points projected...Adrian Peterson is slated to lead the mail carriers with 20 points...Antonio Gates looks to start an injury free season and is projected to lead all tight ends with 14 points...The New York Giants are projected to take advantage of a new QB in Redskin country and lead all defenses with 11 points...Josh Brown of the Rams is projected to lead the one-barred bandits with 13 points...As of press time, 33% of the league will deploy a spread offense this week...Brett Favre and Randy Moss are both listed as free agents despite their retirement...A record five teams submitted press conferences this week...As of press time, Carmichael's Crusaders has four participants in TNF while Play Action Pass has three...No team has more than one player in their current starting lineup playing in MNF.
This friendly rivalry turned ugly in a hurry during the draft this past Saturday, as Play Action Pass pulled a quick over on the Big TDs and signed Danny Woodhead. Rumors have swirled all week as to how the deal went down, but regardless of the actual circumstances, both of these coaches are out for blood in Week 1. Coach Tara Campbell brings a hard nosed running game to Monterey in Rashard Mendenhall and Peyton Hillis, but they are both faced with tough run defenses on Sunday. Matt Shaub may put up huge numbers against the Colts, especially if the Texans are forced to the air in the case that running back Arian Foster can't suit up. Play Action Pass looks to hit the ground running behind Drew Brees and the Saints on TNF. The dilemma for Coach David Looper is that Brees and his tight end, Jimmy Graham, are both facing his own defense in the Green Bay Packers. When asked about the situation, Coach Looper responded by saying, "I don't give a frog's behind about defense. When you come to Monterey, the sign reads "Where the hilltops kiss the sky." That's not the case for the Big TDs. As far as I'm concerned, this is where the Big TDs can kiss my a$$!!!"
Safety Blitz (+10) @ Tebow's Youth Group
This divisional matchup has the making for an instant classic in Week 1. Coach Phillip Campbell has yet to announce his starting lineup, instead choosing to keep his cards close to the vest. "It's bad enough that I have to sit through these stupid press conferences with you losers every week. Why the hell would I want to tell you about my gameplan?" Safety Blitz is hopeful that Arian Foster will be able to go on Sunday and that old man Kerry Collins can find Dallas Clark on a frequent basis. Tebow's Youth Group looks to counter behind the strong running of Jamaal Charles against a hideous Buffalo run defense. Coach Daniel Campbell is also looking for big production from his defense, who faces the hapless Washington Redskins on Sunday. Look for the difference in this game to come from the wide receiver position.
Riley's Vikings (+3) @ Campbell's Cougars
These two former roommates meet yet again on the gridiron for fantasy football bragging rights. Despite his absence from the draft, Coach Adam Warren is very confident in his team. "I've got two words for you: Michael F-ing Vick." Look for the Vikings to exploit their strength at running back, as they have favorable matchups at both the RB1 and RB2 positions. Campbell's Cougars will bring a strong rushing attack to this game as well behind Frank Gore, Steven Jackson, and Tim Hightower. The difference in this game could easily come down to the tight end position, where the Cougars have a definite advantage over the Vikings in Vernon Davis matching up with Lance Kendricks.
The Pessimists (+20) @ Illegal Alien Babies
The Pessimists will enter foreign territory as a huge underdog in Week 1. Coach BJ Hudson decided to bypass the draft room and opted instead to visit Toot's, which may have cost him dearly in the long run. Coach Hudson is taking a negative approach to his patchwork team, saying only that "I got screwed." On the opposite sideline, Coach Darrell Campbell is ready to begin his playoff run behind the newly signed ebonics specialist, Chris Johnson. The Illegal Alien Babies are ready to set their revamped "Dirty Bird" defense loose in their home opener. When asked for his thoughts on this week's matchup, Coach Campbell replied, "Andele', andele'. Vamanos!"
Team Maddux (+19) @ Carmichael's Crusaders
Coach Zach Maddux leads his team into uncharted waters in Week 1 as they battle newcomer Ethan Hudson and his Crusaders. Coach Maddux is hopeful that a healthy Tony Romo can earn his team one more win this year than last, as Team Maddux fell in the championship game last year. "I'm ready to play football," Coach Maddux quipped when asked about the sting of last year's losing finale. Coach Ethan Hudson will make his debut donning the spread offense, believing this his deep threat wide receivers can make the difference in the football game. When asked about all of the preparations that go into christening a new stadium, Coach Hudson replied, "I don't give a damn about ceremonies or firecrackers or any of that stuff. Bottom line is at the end of the day, the field is 100 yards long. I'm here to make a statement in Week 1."
Young Gun Football (+4) @ Maddawg's Tight End
Coach Jason Young looks to start his season strong as he faces newcomer Miranda Maddux in a Week 1 showdown. Young Gun Football will look to ride the arm of Aaron Rodgers and their trademark strong receiving corps as they invade Columbia this weekend. Coach Young was overheard telling his players at the end of this morning's walk through that "I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get me some Tight End this weekend!" Coach Miranda Maddux knows that she is in for a challenge in her first year in the league, yet she welcomes it with open arms. "The town of Columbia has been asking for another BHFFC member for years now," she said, "and I'm here to deliver it for them." Maddawg's Tight End will look to the veteran leadership of Big Ben to take them to the promised land. Coach Maddux will utilize a three wide set this weekend, but she said that she is ready for Coach Young focus his team's sights on her tight end. This game has potential to be an instant classic and will likely be decided on MNF.
League Notes
Carmichael's Crusaders are projected to lead all teams with 130 points this week...Eleven of the 12 teams in the league are projected to eclipse 100 points...Aaron Rodgers has the highest projection overall this week with 28 points...Roddy White leads all receivers with 23 points projected...Adrian Peterson is slated to lead the mail carriers with 20 points...Antonio Gates looks to start an injury free season and is projected to lead all tight ends with 14 points...The New York Giants are projected to take advantage of a new QB in Redskin country and lead all defenses with 11 points...Josh Brown of the Rams is projected to lead the one-barred bandits with 13 points...As of press time, 33% of the league will deploy a spread offense this week...Brett Favre and Randy Moss are both listed as free agents despite their retirement...A record five teams submitted press conferences this week...As of press time, Carmichael's Crusaders has four participants in TNF while Play Action Pass has three...No team has more than one player in their current starting lineup playing in MNF.
Campbell's Cougars Press Conference-Week 1
Coach Campbell: Good evening, I would like to start off by saying how good it feels to be back. My staff and I are looking forward to another great fantasy football season in the bhffc. It is both a privilege and an honor to be a part of this league. I am not surprised in the least to see that we are already expanding after only one season. It speaks highly of the top notch job that is done by our commissioners as well as the dedication and performance of our coaches. With that being said, I will open the floor to any questions you may have.
Travis Lawson: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Break their freakin' necks!!!!! Whooooooo!!!!!!!
Coach Campbell: Thanks Lawdog, I agree completely. Looks like we may be getting the Sharpies out later.
McSweeny: Campbell it was a great idea having your press conference and cheerleader's calendar photo shoot together at my lake house. When will the models get here!?
Coach Campbell: Great question. Warren's mom and sister will be arriving shortly. They will alternate months 1-12. Coach Phillip Campbell posed a great question concerning women to me the other night and I look forward to seeing how the Warrens "stack" up.
Lstan: (yelling) Hey! This better not take away from your time coaching the real Cougars of E. A. Cox! This bottle is slipperier than a minner's pecker.
Coach Campbell: Why are you yelling at me? I have allotted plenty of time for coaching both middle schoolers and professionals. I aim to take both teams to the top.
Big Al: Kody just took a dump in my yard and I stepped in it.
Coach Campbell: That wasn't Kody and you should wear shoes when you go outside. Tell Granny to take the curse off of me. And tell the dirty chicken he is welcome on my team any day of the week.
Vincent: I think the schnauzers have died, Richards hasn't been outside in years, and big Peg is thinking about joining the Big TD's.
Coach Campbell: Where the hell did you come from Vinny? Pat and Bill secretly call the cops on you when you shoot fireworks and I think Peggy would be a great fit on the Big TD's. She will, however, need to contact Bone for that. I'm glad, and surprised, that you are still alive.
Lawson: Stampedes!!!!!!!!
Coach Campbell: On that note I will wrap this up. I would like to thank everyone for coming. I look forward to playing in our annual Coaches onside kickoff this weekend on the beautiful campus of MTSU. Let's Go Blue!!!!! Take it easy, and if it ain't easy don't take it.
Travis Lawson: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Break their freakin' necks!!!!! Whooooooo!!!!!!!
Coach Campbell: Thanks Lawdog, I agree completely. Looks like we may be getting the Sharpies out later.
McSweeny: Campbell it was a great idea having your press conference and cheerleader's calendar photo shoot together at my lake house. When will the models get here!?
Coach Campbell: Great question. Warren's mom and sister will be arriving shortly. They will alternate months 1-12. Coach Phillip Campbell posed a great question concerning women to me the other night and I look forward to seeing how the Warrens "stack" up.
Lstan: (yelling) Hey! This better not take away from your time coaching the real Cougars of E. A. Cox! This bottle is slipperier than a minner's pecker.
Coach Campbell: Why are you yelling at me? I have allotted plenty of time for coaching both middle schoolers and professionals. I aim to take both teams to the top.
Big Al: Kody just took a dump in my yard and I stepped in it.
Coach Campbell: That wasn't Kody and you should wear shoes when you go outside. Tell Granny to take the curse off of me. And tell the dirty chicken he is welcome on my team any day of the week.
Vincent: I think the schnauzers have died, Richards hasn't been outside in years, and big Peg is thinking about joining the Big TD's.
Coach Campbell: Where the hell did you come from Vinny? Pat and Bill secretly call the cops on you when you shoot fireworks and I think Peggy would be a great fit on the Big TD's. She will, however, need to contact Bone for that. I'm glad, and surprised, that you are still alive.
Lawson: Stampedes!!!!!!!!
Coach Campbell: On that note I will wrap this up. I would like to thank everyone for coming. I look forward to playing in our annual Coaches onside kickoff this weekend on the beautiful campus of MTSU. Let's Go Blue!!!!! Take it easy, and if it ain't easy don't take it.
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