-Portland, TN
According to various unconfirmed reports, Safety Blitz QB Eli Manning was involved in what some are referring to as a domestic dispute with Head Coach Phillip Campbell while on the team's U-Haul truck they were using for transportation to their game in Oakdale over the weekend.
In an attempt to spark his club from their pretty boy attitude, Coach Campbell opted to leave the team's charter plane sitting at the Portland Municipal Airport and instead rented a U-Haul moving truck and rode in the back with all of his players. Equipment manager Lynn King reportedly drove the truck from Portland to Oakdale.
While traveling on I-40 eastbound, Coach Campbell conducted a team meeting to determine the root of the team's six game losing streak. At some point during the meeting, Eli Manning and Coach Campbell got into a heated argument about who should start under center on Sunday. Manning, no stranger to controversy, reiterated his statement that he would never play for "The San Diego Chargers or Safety Blitz in my life." At this point, according to unnamed sources, Coach Campbell became enraged at being compared to "a bunch of surfer boys in Southern California" and took Manning by the neck, opened the rear door of the U-Haul, and held him out over the pavement in preparation for a choke slam onto the interstate. At this point, a passing vehicle full of topless women distracted Campbell long enough for Assistant Coach Josh Hughes to complete a 'Joshitsu' leg sweep and secure both men safely back inside the truck, where they were separated by team members.
Later that night, Manning was supposedly involved in a six player trade that will send him to Riley's Vikings. Rookie Andy Dalton received his first career start under center for Safety Blitz, who proceeded to lose their seventh straight game. At this point, it is unclear if and/or when any charges will be filed.
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