Opening Statement: Good evening. Let me start by saying that my ball club is ready to kick off a successful season on Thursday night. We have had a summer full of rebuilding, name changes, and personnel changes. We are ready to prove that change is good and that we are a better team than we were last year. I will field your questions now.
Reporter: Why the name change? Your team went from being called “The Hail Mary’s” to “The Big TDs”. Why?
Coach Bone: Well, the answer to that question is two fold. First, the Hail Mary’s indicate a level of desperation. There is nothing desperate about us and we don’t want our name causing any confusion on that issue. Secondly, our team has really grown in the off season and we wanted a new name to reflect that.
Reporter: What is your take on there being a second female coach in the league this year?
Coach Bone: Why would I care one way or the other? I am focused on my ball club and winning. Nothing else. I don’t care if my opponent is led by a male or female. I wish her the best of luck, but when my Big TDs meet her Tight End, it is game on…
Reporter: The football world was shocked when at the last minute Danny Woodhead left your squad for Play Action Pass. Would you like to enlighten us on what ended his tenure with your team?
Coach Bone: My emotions are still pretty raw concerning this situation. I won’t just comment, I will tell you exactly what happened. Evidently Woody had scheduled a rendezvous meeting with Coach Looper in my locker room… MY LOCKER ROOM! He obviously was not expecting me to walk in, but I did and caught him in the act red handed. When I asked what he was doing he said it wasn’t what it looked like. After I bitch slapped him, the truth came out….he was just trying to see if someone else’s grass was greener. He apologized and said it was all him and not me, but I told him his relationship with these Big TDs was over. He signed with Play Action Pass that afternoon.
Reporter: It sounds as if you are very upset by these turn of events.
Coach Bone: Well aren’t you a wiz kid. Hell yeah, I’m upset. Last year no one would give Woody the time of day, except me. All the male coaches in this league just turned their backs on him and wanted nothing to do with a Woody. But, I took Woody in, claimed him as my own, personally gave him a rigorous workout routine, helped him get bigger and tougher and this is the repayment I get from him? It’s fine…I have a feeling Coach Looper won’t give him the personal attention I did and we will see it on the field. I am predicting that Woody gets penal-ized for premature jumps and loses some of his rigor. He will be a limp running back without the Big TDs.
Reporter: You made big changes at your QB spot during the off season. Your predictions?
Coach Bone: Last year our quarterback position was the weakest on our team. Injuries and poor performance plagued both my QBs. This year, we needed to shake things up. We will be led by Shaub and he will be backed up by Cassel. I am very confident in the ability of both men and look forward to the places they will take this team.
If there are no more questions, I thank you for your time.
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