Young Gun Football-Hell's Fury III Press Conference

Coach Young: “This is a big rivalry week with Safety Blitz heading down here for Hell’s Fury III. I will take a few questions in a minute about last week’s game and then we are moving on. Yeah, we are 2-0 again. Last year we won what? Our first 4 or 5 in a row? We finished at the top in the regular season…and what did that get us? NOT…ONE…DAMN…THING!!! The only thing that matters around here is winning. Have you not seen our Jumbotron feature with Charlie Sheen saying “Winning”?  As far as I’m concerned, until we hoist the Confederation Cup over our heads this team, this organization, and this city are nothing but losers. We will not take the foot off the accelerator until we are crowned the greatest dynasty of the BHFFC! Now, I’ll take one question about last week’s game and we’re moving on to Hell’s Fury III.”

Adam Sparks, DNJ: “Coach Young, were you disappointed in anyone’s performance this week?”

Coach Young: “Let me ask you a question Sparks, did we win the game? Should I be disappointed in winning? Every guy on Young Gun Football played his guts out as far as I’m concerned and we won by a good margin and you think I should be disappointed. Security, get this loser off my property and make sure Joe Theisman doesn’t try to slip back in here either. I’ve had enough stupid questions from these slimebag reporters already. Next question!”

Bob Costas, HBO: “Coach, while filming our new sports documentary “Hell’s Fury: To Hell & Back” documenting your rivalry with Coach Phil Campbell, we unknowingly discovered another HBO video that never aired entitled “Cathouse 6: Campbell’s Cougars Offseason Extravaganza at the Bunny Ranch”. In this video you clearly see all 5 Campbell’s from the BHFFC at the brothel discussing strategy of how to beat Young Gun Football. Are you concerned about the wealth of information that is being passed between these family owned franchises?”

Coach Young: “Finally, a reporter who has done some research. But let me correct one thing Costas, there were 4 Campbell’s discussing strategy and the other was working there.”

Costas: “Coach Young, are you saying Coach Tara “T-Bone” Campbell was moonlighting as a high dollar escort at the Bunny Ranch during the offseason?”

Coach Young: “Absolutely not Bob, I was speaking of Matthew. And back to your question, I don’t care if all 11 other teams in the BHFFC get together 365 days of the year to try to scheme ways to stop this organization from winning; we will still be prepared and come out victorious I can assure you.”

Coach Young: “No more questions. I’m going to speak solely about this week’s game. Safety Blitz was in a similar situation last season when we met the first time and they played like a crazy rabid chupacabra feasting on some rancher’s cattle, but we were able to hold the line and came out of last season with 2 victories to start this rivalry. I know Coach Campbell well enough to know that his team will be even more ravenous this time around. They are wounded, they are desperate, and they are pissed. I’ve had some WWII vets come in here this week and tell us about landing at Normandy Beach because that’s what I believe Safety Blitz will have in store for us this week. A true Blitzkrieg. We will be prepared though; make no mistake about that. Hell’s Half Acre will be rocking this week as our crowd knows what’s at stake and I have no doubt that we will be 3-0, albeit a little bloody and bruised, and leave Safety Blitz to stew until Week 17 when we have to visit the Devil’s Den.”