Coach Young: “You know, sometimes life is just sweet! When your team can come out against a huge rival and give this kind of performance, you’ve got to be pleased to be a part of the Young Gun Football organization. That being said; there is no time for celebration in the BHFFC as we have to travel to Timmy Tebow’s Youth Camp for young boys this week. I just hope we don’t have to see Timmy and Urban Meyer kiss each other again.
I’m sure Coach Campbell will have his team ready this week as his newly acquired guys have had an opportunity to gel as a team for a couple of weeks now. Now, I’ll take a few questions.”
Jim Rome, ESPN Radio: “Coach Young, did you notice any signs after the game that led you to believe there would be a violent confrontation between Coach Phil Campbell and his now ex-QB Eli Manning who was your QB last season?”
Coach Young: “Well Jim, did you notice any signs that Jim Everett was going to beat your ass if you called him Chris Everett again? I’m sure you did, but that didn’t stop you from saying it. I’m sure the media has blown this whole event out of proportion. I know how Safety Blitz operates their organization and they demand the best from every player. If you don’t want to buy into that, you may get thrown from the bus. That’s just the way it is. Eli knew that too when he was here last year, so he kept his mouth shut and played football. I suspected that Eli and Arian Foster both took a look around Hell’s Half Acre and decided they didn’t want any part of what was headed their way. Hell, I can’t say I blame them. You better get off the tracks when the real “Pain Train” is coming.”
Urban Meyer, ESPN College Football: “Coach, I didn’t appreciate the comments about the golden boy Tim Tebow and myself earlier. He is one of the greatest lovers,…I mean players,…of all-time. Do you really think you have a chance of beating a team bearing his name?”
Coach Young: “Urban, when Coach Campbell looks up at the scoreboard at the end of our game this weekend, I fully expect to see him tearing up and crying just like little Timmy did in the SEC Championship game. Now get the hell off my property! Next question.”
Dan Campbell, Tebow’s Youth Group: “Don’t you mean crying like you when I broke your finger with my scorching on-side kick at tailgating last year?”
Coach Young: “Well, I’m glad to see our security will let just about anyone in the building. That’s why I pay you good money Travis Lawson! Oh, wait, I only pay Lawson with jugs of moonshine and he is actually the one who makes the shine in the first place. I guess I get what I pay for. As for you Coach Campbell, I made it through the rest of tailgating with the finger injury and have yet to seek treatment for it. It’s only one finger; I’ve got nine more before I will shed a tear. My payback will come this weekend when YGF invades Tebow-town and comes out with a 4-0 record!” Slams microphone down and exits to Metallica’s Wherever I May Roam.
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